I swore I wouldn't change...

But I've got some necessary revision to do.  Hell, I'm a writing teacher - revision is my life.

1. Lose 45 pounds (3/45) is now....  1. Lose 60 pounds (0/60).

I have not been in control of my eating and have made no attempt what-so-ever to get any sort of exercise or do any kind of physical activity, so more pounds are creeping on.  I got on the scale this morning and was absolutely horrified by what I saw, even though I just weighed myself two or three days ago.  I am out of control - meaning, I have relinquished control of my food intake and body's well-being... and I must do something about this.

There are a lot of reasons why I want to lose weight.  I can't fathom getting pregnant and putting on another 30 lbs and then having to lose ALL of that.  I want to be able to shop for semi-normal pregnancy clothes.  I want to currently fit into my old clothes.  I want to stop feeling tired.  I want to feel attractive and cute and sexy again.  I want to be proud of the shape that I'm in.  I want to be proud of the control I have over this lifelong habit and addiction.

Once again, I find Rebecca Woolf to be inspirational.  She is regularly 5'8" and a size 8 (damn lucky).  By the end of her first pregnancy, she was over 200 lbs.  She got up at 6am and went hiking every day to help work off the pregnancy weight (which was in the 190s by the time she got home from the hospital).  All that in the L.A. sun and heat.  Why can't I get off my ass and do something - anything! - when I don't have a newborn to take care of?

So this is it, intarwebs.  I'm making a change.  A revision.  I hate apologizing to myself every day.  I hate looking in my drawers and feeling depressed about the clothes I have and how they fit.  I hate how my back fat has grown back when, for a little while, I had a sloped back that I loved to look at. Without my snacks, I'm going to be mean.  Angry.  Sad.  Pissed.  Cranky.  But so is a junkie going through detox, which is really how I feel about this.  I have a habit that is detrimental to my health and plays with my brain chemistry and thought system.  No one but me can get it under control.

He's just not that into you... oh wait, I lied.

Last night I watched He's Just Not That Into You.

I read the book back when it came out:

And, before that, saw the Sex and the City episode that spawned the book that later spawned the movie.  To all of this I will say: it should have stopped with the SATC episode. T

he book isn't bad (although it's been a while since I read it so I'd have to re-read it to form a thorough opinion).  There are a lot of women who are, as the film clearly points out, conditioned to believe that men act like assholes to show you that they like you.  Seriously, isn't it insane when it's worded that way?  But many women believe it's true, telling themselves the man isn't ready for a relationship, has intimacy issues, loves them so much that it scares him, blah blah blahdie blah blah.  (Full disclosure: I have said all of those things myself - at one point, all about the same man.  But in my case it was true.  Ha.  No, we didn't get married, but whatever - I know what I know.) For the woman that still use these ideas regularly, the title of the book alone should have had an effect. 

The film, I am sad to report, completely UNDOES THE WHOLE EFFING THING!  Throughout the whole film, one key character is not into the girl - oh wait, UNTIL HE IS.  Married men never leave their wives - oh wait, UNTIL ONE DOES (albeit because his wife wised up and kicked the lying sack of poo out of her home).  The man who says he does not want to get married will never change his mind and propose - oh wait, UNTIL HE DOES.  It was completely infuriating.  And, to boot, the one woman with a spine (who kicks out her cheating husband) is the most annoying character in the whole film.  That is not good. That said, I don't hate that I watched the film.  It was entertaining enough - it's just really the last 10 or so minutes that undo the whole damn thing.  I want to write a letter to Drew Barrymore and tell her that I'm disappointed in her (she's one of the executive producers).  She should really know better.  This could've been a great female empowerment film but instead ended up reinforcing the worst stereotypes and delusions.  Boo hiss.

7 Quick Things... or Takes... or the Tuesday Seven, whatev.

I'm taking this idea from These Little Moments who, in turn, took it from Not That You Asked (which I think is one of the best blog titles I've ever heard - it's so simple yet SO perfect for nearly any blog - because, really, who's asking?).

7 Quick Things (it's more things than takes today) is perfect for me today because my head is utterly swimming with issues and concerns and preoccupations.  (And now I'm really interested in unpacking the word "preoccupation" - it's a job before a job or something that prevents a job... and my preoccupations prevent my work for sure.  Hm.  But I digress.)

One

My sister's dog died yesterday.  He was a stray that my brother-in-law rescued.  When he found the dog abandoned in a warehouse, he was all dusty so they named him Dusty.  The vet told them he was pretty sure Dusty had been significantly abused as a puppy and his jaw had definitely been broken, so for years they cooked soft foods for him like scrambled eggs and boiled chicken.  With time, he grew stronger and grew to love his daily cookies, even asking for them by saying, "I want one."  I swear, the dog talked.  "I want one" sounded like, "Ah wahn wun."  Honest.  He was sweet and loving, letting all the family kids flop all over him and play with his toys. TJ won't remember him but definitely missed him this morning.  He walked around the house with Dusty's regular morning cooking with his hand on his head, which is his sign for, "Where is it (he)?" We'll miss you Dusty.

Two

I feel unqualified to understand what is going on in Iran.  Yes, there was an election.  Yes, the results seem questionable.  Yes, people are rioting and protesting and lives are being lost.  But I feel like the lies told to the American people over the past decade have made us incapable of addressing this intelligently.  Lumping someone into an Axis of Evil doesn't really lead one to understanding.  All I know is that what is going on there both worries and frightens me and I can only hope that the Obama administration is being seemingly quiet on the issue for a good reason.

Three

Candidate Obama stated he was a "fierce advocate" of gay rights.  Soooo... whattup with that?  Yesterday his administration defended the Defense of Marriage Act.  I do not understand what's going on here and really hope they step up on this very soon, like... oh, well, like immediately.  This action and their general inaction is unacceptable.

Four

I nearly devoured a book last night: Rockabye by Rebecca Woolf of Girls Gone Child.  After one evening of reading, I am on page 177 of 283. (I will be done tonight; I'd be done now if I wouldn't get in trouble for reading at work.)  There will be a longer post about her forthcoming, but long story short: she is my current girl-crush.  Like, if she was in BOP magazine, I'd have her picture all over my wall.  I think she is smart, gutsy, beautiful, stylish, funny, and truly inspirational - but really, more on her to follow.  (I am obsessed!) Have I mentioned that her kids' names are Archer and Fable?  Couldn't you just fall over?  I want to name my daughter Fable.

(BTW - check out her current blog post about gun control and the ensuing comments.  Good for her for standing up for gun control and the idea of keeping violent entertainment out of one's children's lives.  It's a shame that she had to close comments.  She even had to take down her Google ads because the posts caused them to switch to ads about guns and gun lessons.)

Five

I wish the ASPCA and State Farm weren't so adept at creating commercials that make me cry.  The woman who lost her home to a storm?  Crying.  The disheveled shih-tzu?  Crying.  They get me every time.

Six

Stuff about my job is going to change and I'm looking forward to it.  That's all I can say about that, though.  I'm not changing jobs, really - just the focus will be shifting and it's a positive move.  That's always a good thing.

Seven

I have a pear and a banana to eat as snacks today.  This makes me happy. Over and out.

They're not haters, actually - you might just not be all that.

Source: flickr.com/photos/lunchbreath

Every morning, I check the same websites: my email, LiveJournal, Wordpress, Google Reader, The Daily Beast, and Huffington Post.  I skim through, reading bits here and there, and often full articles if I have the time and inclination (I would love to read more full articles, but it's just not always possible).

Well, there was a really interesting piece posted on The Daily Beast on Sunday titled "Do Narcissists Have Better Sex?"  The thrust of the article is that we have created a generation of narcissists (we're looking at you Gen Y/Millenials) thanks to all the "Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong" "You can do anything you want" parenting and pop culture incentives that have happened over the past two decades or so.  This has lead to a whole generation of people who feel entitled to feel good about themselves at all times and who believe that anyone who tries to intimate that they might, just might, have things they might want to work on is a hater and the sort of person who likes to make other people feel terrible, just for sport.

I often read articles that I semi-agree or semi-disagree with, but every now and again I go, "Yes!  This!  Exactly this!"  This is one of those times.  I think the article's author, Hanna Seligson, has hit a very big nail right on its shiny, glaring head.  There might be a sentence or two that I take issue with, but I agree with her overall idea and postulations. I have been frustrated by this phenomenon but her article was able to put it into words in a way that I have found myself unable to do. 

It started back in 2003 when I was planning my sister's bridal shower and had an unpleasant run-in with one of the bridesmaids, a particularly bitchy and narcissistic blonde who accused me of overcharging them for the room rental so that I could make a profit on the shower (meanwhile, I had easily covered $1000 worth of expenses that they didn't contribute to).  What proceeded was a particularly nasty back-and-forth over email, during which I wrote things that I never believed I could actually say, especially to someone directly, and have since promised myself I would never say/write to someone again.  I insulted her commitment to her friendship with my sister and her overall intelligence... a few times over.  I don't remember most of what she said, but I clearly remember that she gave me the "People like you just like to take people like me down" line.

That line stands out in my memory because it was one of my first encounters with this sort of thinking.  First, I was put off by the binary.  People like me = older, fat, (then) dateless, loser.  People like her = naturally thin, blonde, super pretty, popular, mean because she can be.  It was simply crazy to me that someone "like me" was trying to take down someone "like her".  It was a total reverse of the standard power structure and so crazy that I couldn't understand where it was coming from. Now I know, though.  It was all that namby-pamby, give everyone a trophy for showing up stuff that's been going on for a while now and is a huge support system to the current reality show production system.  I watch some reality television, but I have very little patience for and tend not to watch the shows where when someone gets voted off, they go into the standard, "They made a mistake/they just don't 'get' me/you haven't seen the last of me/everyone will know my name/I'll be famous anyway" rant.  I'm sorry, snowflake, but odds are you won't be famous anyway unless you sell out that attitude and become a ridiculous farce of yourself. I'm so glad someone was able to put this into words. 

I hope more people take notice and there is an effort to work at reversing this trend.  Let's get back to trying to raise citizens that feel a responsibility to their communities and fellow people.

This is so how I feel about people with bluetooth headsets.

This site - Lunchbreath's Flickr Photostream - was highlighted on The Huffington Post yesterday.  It is chock full of awesome illustrations, but this was a "Oh, yes, this" moment on the first page I looked at:

I have a theory that the people who walk around with those blinking blue earsets have a secret desire to be Jem:

Remember Jem?  She was truly outrageous - truly, truly, truly outrageous.  Oh, and the music's contagious, outrageous.  Remember her special earrings?  They helped her computer, Synergy, to transform her from her regular music executive daily life into Jem, the superstar. But I'm sorry person walking around with the bluetooth headset; you are no Jem.

I can't believe I approve of something Sarah Palin said.

In response to the murder of abortion provider Dr. George Tiller, Sarah Palin has issued a statement: "I feel sorrow for the Tiller family. I respect the sanctity of life and the tragedy that took place today in Kansas clearly violates respect for life. This murder also damages the positive message of life, for the unborn, and for those living. Ask yourself, 'What will those who have not yet decided personally where they stand on this issue take away from today's event in Kansas?' Regardless of my strong objection to Dr. Tiller's abortion practices, violence is never an answer in advancing the pro-life message."

Considering I read other responses this morning that stated that this action was fine by the "Law of God", I'm really relieved that Governor Palin has the good sense to denounce this horrific act. As far as I've read so far, Bill O'Reilly has not yet responded.  He has been on a personal crusade against Dr. Tiller for years, calling him a murderer and "Tiller the baby killer" as well as many other horrible things. 

When are people going to realize that this crazy, raising hell sort of faux-journalism only leads to trouble and is really out of hand.  I'm interested to see what O'Reilly's response to this will be.  Will he be reasonable and say directly to his listeners that violence is NEVER the answer and that in no way should his entertainment news show be taken as instructions to commit violence?  Or will he say that his free speech rights are being threatened because he called out the doctor as he saw him to be?  Let's hope it's the former, but I'm not really hopeful.

I'm getting to a point where I really don't want to live in the country that is producing and spewing all this hatred and hate-speech.  I really need to see a turnaround.  I need to see the reasonable, intelligent people stand up and be counted.  We can agree to disagree - that's fine.  I don't need everyone to be pro-choice.  What I do need is for everyone to stop trying to impose their personal and religious beliefs on others and remember that this is a country where we support each other and applaud hard work and value a diversity of experiences and beliefs.

I am not that girl that cries when pulled over, I swear.

Except that I did today.  Let me back up.

I came to work with a very slight headache today - so slight that I didn't bother taking anything for it because I figured my morning coffee would take care of it.  Instead, it grew into a full-on migraine, including nausea.  So I had the hubby look up the nearest CVS and left work to go buy some Excedrin.  Except the CVS wasn't where it was supposed to be (bad Google Maps).  So I called the hubby and had him redirect me to a new CVS, taking deep breaths so I could avoid pulling over and puking on the side of the road. And then I passed  Dunkin Donuts and pulled onto a major local road.  And then I got pulled over for being on my cell phone without a headset.

Let me explain.  Ordinarily, I avoid talking on the phone while driving.  If my phone rings, I am that person that will actually either pull over or ignore the call most of the time.  If I know it'll be short, I might answer it, but I keep that call under 30 seconds, I swear.  If I see a cop, I put the phone in my lap.  This time, however, I was so distracted by the construction crew in my head and the hurricane in my stomach that I didn't see the cop car until he was pulling me over.

Officer: Hello.
Me: Hello officer.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Cell phone.  (Feeling too ill for complete sentences at this point.)
Officer: ... (Okay, I have no idea what he said next because I was trying not to lean out the window and puke on his shoes.)
Me: Yes, sir.  It's just that I have a really bad migraine right now and my husband was giving me directions to the CVS and--
Officer: (cuts me off) Yes, but you cannot be on a hand held cell phone.  License, registration, and insurance card please.

I hand him these without a word and he goes back to the squad car.  I then start to cry.  No, not cry, SOB.  Like the cartoon characters whose eyes are squinched shut with tears flying out in arcs on both sides while their mouth hangs open going, "Uh huh huh... waaaaaaah!"  That was me. The cop came back to the car, handed me back my documentation and a ticket (which didn't have an amount on it, but the hubby looked it up and said it'll be $100 - $100??!!??!!).  Totally ignoring my crying, he said something to me about not doing this again; I said, "Okay" and then he walked away.  I found a CVS, bought Excedrin and a Coke Zero, and went back to work.

The three Excedrin express gels have worked wonders, but I still feel a bit spacey and pukey.  But I feel well enough to have eaten lunch (when don't I feel well enough to shove food in my face?) and to now do work until I get to leave at 3:30 for my three day weekend.

The end of growing up

Today is my last post for April's NaBloPoMo, the theme of which was "Growing (Up)."  Like January's theme (change), I feel like it's a topic that is naturally occurring in my life and not one I have to really force myself to think about. Today, however, I am taken by how many of the students I come into contact with on a daily basis still have some significant growing up to do. 

The most troubling remarks I heard today were in reference to Rhianna and Chris Brown.  A group of girls was talking about how sad it is that they broke up because they had "a real fairy tale."  Not even considering the missing word "relationship" at the end of that, this was already a problem for me.  I have a real issue with little girls being raised to hope for fairy tales and Prince Charmings. The most troubling part was yet to come, though.  One of them said, "Yeah, and I don't get why it's everyone's business whatever happened between them."  (Never mind the irony that she's violating her own concern by taking part in this conversation.) 

Then the other girl said, "Seriously - cuz, you know, like sometimes a bitch needs a beat-down."

I was aghast.  This is beyond troubling to me.  Here is a group of girls that I feel are fairly representative of a good section of the current Millennial generation (generally those born between 1982-2001, although I see a difference between those born before 1990 and after, generally).  Having just finished Whatever It Takes and now almost being done with The Tipping Point, I really believe that this attitude has seeped into and pervaded the culture and will take a strong, similar force to turn it around.  Because I deal with a lot of young adults between the ages of 18 and 25, sometimes I want to believe that it's too late, that we will not be able to turn them around, that we should just give up on them and work on the kids growing up now. But we can't give up; these misguided young adults are going to be working members of our society and we can't allow these attitudes to continue to spread.  I just don't know what to do, frankly.  I hope someone does and I hope that I can help in some way.  I know that, ideally, I should have said something to those girls today.  I didn't, though, because I don't think they would have really heard me; I'm not an authority figure to them.  I'm just the girl who tells them to quiet down all the time. My brain is muddled and troubled about this today.  I know it's going to be on my mind for a while.

Can we stop making Anne Hathaway say she's fat?

This past weekend I watched Rachel Getting Married, the movie that Anne Hathaway was nominated for an Oscar for.  The hubby was working and I was enjoying a rare night at home alone with nothing to do so I borrowed this from the school library (free!) and settled in for the evening. 

(Side note: I'm so used to having a hundred things to do that I actually couldn't sit and watch the movie straight through.  I got up, cleaned the bathtub, baked cookies, cleaned the kitchen, and a few other small things, all while going back and watching a few moments of the movie, then pausing it to do something else.  I really need to learn how to just SIT and do one thing at a time, but that's not the main point today.)

In the film, Hathaway's character is fresh out of rehab and makes a point of saying several times how she's fat because rehab makes you fat.  Considering she's probably a size 6 (4?), this was annoying and aggravating.  Similarly, in The Devil Wears Prada, she is made fun of for being the "fat, ugly" girl because she's a size 6 (not 0/2) and doesn't wear designer labels daily.  Yes, this is a commentary on that particular realm and how a size 6 is nightmarishly fat for fashionistas like that, but it's still disconcerting and aggravating. 

Later in the film, she beams with pride as she informs Stanley Tucci's character that she's now a size 4.  In Bride Wars, Kate Hudson (!!) is the fat (!!) one.  *sigh* For the filming of The Devil Wears Prada, Hathaway said, "I was thin for my height. I basically stuck with fruit, vegetables and fish. I wouldn’t recommend that. Emily Blunt and I would clutch at each other and cry because we were so hungry."  That's pathetic - utterly sad and pathetic.  But she's also said, "I've had directors say to me, 'You're the best actress for the role, but you've put on weight recently.' If people can't understand you've put on five pounds, I don't want to deal with them." 

I hope she expands this idea to no longer taking rolls that force her to say she's fat, even if the film is trying to make a point (because I don't think either Rachel or Prada accurately make the point that she's NOT fat). Can we please recognize that actresses who are thinner than one of my thighs are NOT fat?  Can we please write films for them that don't ask them to state that they are?  Can we please write films that don't explain fat as a state that comes about from eating too much chocolate or going off of drugs?  Can it not be an automatic personal failure?

By the way, as I type this and have Hathaway's IMDB page open, there is a Slim Fast ad running down it's side proclaiming that you, too, can kick your cupcake habit if you join the Slim Fast plan.  Oh, yes, of course - why didn't I think of that?  A small shake in a can would be SO much more fulfilling than a hearty salad or bowl of soup or light sandwich for lunch.  That must be why I'm fat.  Or maybe it's the drugs I quit taking or all the chocolate I eat. I don't mind commentary about what is/is not fat in films.  In fact, I welcome it.  However, what I object to is clearly thin actresses having to play the fat role because they're a size 6 instead of a 2.  I know we're not used to looking at normal sized women on screen, but how about we use a size 10 as the normal woman, even though size 14 is the norm?  Or wait, I know - how about we properly represent the full range of sizes and shapes women come in?  If I lined up all the women I see regularly, you would see a full range of heights, weights, and fitness.  You'd see thin and out of shape and you'd see plus-sized and in shape.  You'd see tall, short, thin, heavy, average, pudgy, slouchy, insecure, bold, casual, dressy, stylish, and style-challenged women.  And I hate when people say things like this and then close with, "But they're all beautiful" - but guess what?  They are.  They are beautiful on the inside AND the outside.  They are all loved and treasured by the people who know them.  They do wonderful things for people.  They work hard at their jobs.  They raise precious, loving children.  They are fierce competitors.  They're nerds and geeks, shopaholics and spendthrifts, great cooks and kitchen disasters.  What they are not are women who need to be continually told that a size 6 is fat.  They ARE beautiful, so there.

Being blonde is not the same as being fat

So there's this recent dust-up between Meghan McCain, Ann Coulter, and Laura Ingraham.  Meghan doesn't like Ann so Laura came to Ann's defense and called Meghan "plus sized" (among other things) which is as PC as you can get right now for calling someone fat, still a viable insult in the U.S.  Meghan McCain, by the way, is a size eight and admits that she went up to a size ten during the campaign.  Most women I know would be remarkably happy to be a size eight and I'm glad that Meghan McCain has said she is fine with how she looks.

Ingraham continued:

The left's indignation in this instance is manufactured and totally phony. If any off-the-cuff remark about a woman's size was condemnable, then where was the outrage when President Obama made a passing reference to Jessica Simpson's "weight battle" during his Super Bowl interview with Matt Lauer? And of course they look the other way when obvious personal attacks are levied against conservatives. Remember when Al Franken was the toast of all media for his book "Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot"? Last month The View's Joy Behar called him a "fat guy"; and when I was a guest on The View a few years back she ridiculed Ann Coulter and me as "peroxide" blondes on Fox.

1. When Obama made that remark, he was commenting on the gossip magazines making a big issue out of how Simpson's high-waisted jeans looked on her, NOT on her alleged weight gain itself.  It's called metacommentary, sweetie; you might want to know that.

2. Rush Limbaugh IS FAT.  He IS.  Whether or not he's an idiot, each of you can believe what you wish, but you can't deny he's fat.  You also can't deny that it's entirely different for a woman to be fat in this country than it is for a man to be fat.  Did you see any women of Limbaugh's size speaking at CPAC recently?  No.  Is it a coincidence that both Coulter and Ingraham are very thin, blonde women?  I don't think so.  The double standard is alive and well (I won't even get into the comments and coverage of Hilary Clinton; it's too early to boil my blood).

3. Calling you a peroxide blonde is barely an insult.  If anything, I'm insulted that Behar couldn't come up with something cleverer.  Women dye their hair blonde because being blonde is still considered enviable and desirable.  At what point in recent history has being fat been considered enviable and desirable in our society?  Oh, that's right, IT HASN'T.  Being fat is still considered one of the worst things a woman could be.  In nearly any women's magazine survey I've read since I was ten years old, at least 60% of readers would rather [fill in the blank with terrible event like losing life savings or a limb] than gain TEN POUNDS.  That's right, TEN POUNDS is usually the standard bearer for horror.  Ten pounds?  I gain that when I PMS, please.

I am, by far, no expert on the fat acceptance movement.  In fact, I struggle with the idea a great deal.  I can't shake the feeling that my life would be significantly better and I would feel significantly better if I could lose 40-50 pounds.  The thing is, the reason I feel this way is because my life DID feel better and I DID feel better when I was that weight.  So maybe the truth of it is that you really do have to do what feels right for you, within reason.  Maybe someone else would be overjoyed to be my current size.  That's great and I would have absolutely no judgement for them.  I know for a fact that many women would be horrified to be the size that I wish I could be - that, even if they gained the weight while pregnant, they would feel like horrible failures of womanhood because they weighed so much, even though it was all in the service of creating and sustaining life.  Okay, for them I have a little bit of judgment.

But I don't want to concern myself with judging others and their weight battles or issues or concerns.  I don't want to, but I do - it's an endless source of fascination and thought for me, which is probably what happens when you are obese most of your life.

I know what it's like to be the grossly overweight person who gets stared at, pointed at, and called names by strangers.  I know what it's like to be the "acceptably" overweight (but still obese) person who is basically invisible to strangers.  I also know what it's like to be the newly "thin" (i.e. acceptable weight) person who suddenly has doors held open for her and strangers smiling at her and saying hello.  The funny thing is that none of these scenarios is comfortable.  Negative attention, lack of attention, or positive attention that has a painfully clear cause - it's all uncomfortable.  What have we done to women in our society so that they can't just rest in their bodies, no matter what size they are?

Nitpicking other people's marriages and words

I love the blogging world.  I think LiveJournal and Wordpress and Blogger, etc etc, are a wonderful addition to and expansion of our idea of community and that they provide a source of support and information to people who may have otherwise felt isolated or too shy to ask certain questions.

However, what I've seen too many times is people gang up on someone for asking something a certain way or attempting to flesh out an idea.  Sure, I may think something might be a good idea, bring it up, and proceed with a discussion about it and then later decide it's a terrible idea.  However, if someone has that notion before me, I'd rather they say, "I don't think that's going to work/is a bad idea" rather than, "Are you serious?  This post must be a joke" or "You have got to be kidding."

I've been reading about a woman who has a hard time getting her husband to do any chores (gosh, gee, now there's a rarity).  The responses to her ranged from helpful suggestions, to sympathy with no suggestions, to statements that this problem is unfixable, to criticism that her ideas were stupid.  She was thinking of putting together a chore chart and several respondants ripped her apart for this idea saying that it was childish and if she didn't want to mommy her husband, why was she going to treat him like a child with a chore chart.  Another person asked her what a chore chart could accomplish that her own words out of her mouth couldn't.  Several suggested a list instead of a chart.

This is usually a fairly reasonable community, but I was truly taken aback by the responses here.  First of all (just because it's easiest), couldn't a chart and a list be the same thing?  I have a chore list that I really call a chart because it has little checkmarks next to items (not that we've started using said chore chart yet, but we will, soon!).

Second, a chart/list clearly accomplishes things that speaking wouldn't.  I can tell my husband a dozen times to shut off lights when he's not in a room, but if I have a list showing that he did not check off that he completed that task, I have proof that 1 - I've reminded him to do it and 2 - he didn't do it.  This prevents me from having to nag him (something he actually doesn't mind but that I detest and refuse to do).  It's also a visual reminder.  If he doesn't "see" the overflowing garbage, maybe he'll see the chore list.  If he sees that 3/4 of the chores are marked off with my pen, he'll realize I'm doing more than him and he needs to chip in more.  I have a hard time seeing why these benefits aren't evident.

Third, I seriously take issue with the people (who, admittedly, are mostly women) who say that she should just leave him be because he won't change.  So if he leaves dirty dishes in the middle of the floor where their baby crawls, she can't expect him to value that that needs to change?  If he likes to go drinking every night instead of spend time with her, she can't expect that to change?  I believe that all people need to continue to evolve and change - sometimes the change happens on its own and sometimes it has a catalyst or instructor or guide.  I refuse, REFUSE, to join the chorus that says, "Oh, that's just how men are."  I believe that is dangerous and defeatist.  If marriage makes you a team, then you have to be a team player and that means contributing as equitably as possible to the marriage and living situation.  Expecting your husband to contribute to your marriage is not mothering him; it's actually treating him like an adult.  And, if you do have children, it sets a useful example for them so they don't grow up thinking chores are one person's domain.

The other day it was my husband's first day of having to walk the dog after work because I'll be teaching.  However, when I got home from school, the dog hadn't been walked yet because he decided to "quickly stop by" his parents' house for something before coming home.  That turned into a nearly 2 hour delay, leaving the poor puppers to do the pee-pee dance in the living room (no accidents, though, good dog!).  When he got home he said, "I know, it was my mistake.  I should have come home first; I know that.  It was just a mistake."  I didn't have to say anything - and that was the end of it.  To most things there is a learning curve.

Lastly - your marriage is not 100% like anyone else's.  What works for you may not work for someone else.  Also, what you deem acceptable may not be deemed acceptable by someone else.  I won't put up with underwear on the floor; that's fine for you if you do.  I love the open exchange of opinion, but I hate seeing people be ripped apart when asking for help.

Okay, I'll get down now.

A day of *headdesk*

*Note: "student" represents a number of students crossing my path today.

Student: The printer isn't working.

Me: Okay, what does it say?

Student: Load Tray 2, plain letter.

Me:  Okay?

Student: I don't know what that means.

Me: *headdesk*

~~~

Student: I don't believe that Chris Brown did all the stuff to Rihanna that they're saying he did.  I mean, like, who really bites people?  No one would really bite someone.  And he choked her unconscious?  Then why wasn't she screaming?  If someone choked me unconscious, I'd sure as hell be f'ing screaming.

Me: *headdesk*

~~~

Student: *singing*

Me: *glaring* . . .  to no effect.

~~~

Me: *opens tasty salad for lunch, puts on light Italian dressing, starts eating*

Student: OH MY GOD!  IT SMELLS LIKE ASS IN HERE!

Other students: *poke her and point to my salad*

Me: Or it could smell like my salad.

Student: *says nothing, turns back to computer*

Me: *thinking* "Sure, I accept your apology, thanks."

~~~

Me: Sorry, but we require that you use headphones in here when you listen to music or watch a video on the computer.

Student: *stares at me blankly*

Me: *noticing earbuds* Oh you have earphones on? You might want to turn them down.

Student: You can hear this all the way over there?

Me: Yes, loud and clear, actually.

Student: *rolls eyes, goes back to computer, does not lower volume on earphones*

Me: *tries not to smack student upside head*

~~~

I am earning my paycheck today.  I wish I was home unpacking instead.

Why would I think this is funny?

My coworker forwarded me a video today of an overweight woman who had set up a stripper pole in her living room so she could entertain her husband.  It's a 22 second video, the first 18 or so seconds of which involve the woman walking around the pole and being sexy for her husband.  At the end, she tries to get up on the pole, which then collapses, presumably because she's heavy and, you know, heavy people can't be sexy and they certainly can't get on a pole because we don't have metals on earth that can support a woman who weighs more than 200 lbs.  And, for good measure, she also breaks the coffee table when she falls on it - because, you know, fat people breaking furniture is hilarious.  Oh, wait, unless you ARE fat (or have been fat) and have actually broken furniture, in which case you know it is an extremely humiliating experience.

Whoever started sending this out even had the gall to name the file "bbw_wife_pole".  BBW = Big Beautiful Woman - a fat-positive term, yet in no way is this video fat-positive.

But you don't have to believe me: watch for yourself.

I was going to embed the video but the format isn't supported so I found it on the web.  To further increase my irritation, I see that listed under "related videos" are: "small hole big belly", "moped crushed by big kid", and "big chick snaps seat".

Okay, so annoying, offensive, and aggravating.  But back to the title of this post - why would I think this is funny?  I am fat - fat enough that I'm sure people could imagine me breaking a pole attached to my floor and ceiling.  Why would my coworker think I would find this funny?  If I was in a wheelchair, would she send me a video of someone in a wheelchair falling down the stairs?  (Not that I think she'd find that funny, but it's the best on-the-spot analogy I could come up with.)

People really need to be careful about sharing what they think is funny.  What one person finds funny, another could find extremely offensive and distressing.