Leave it and love yourself

Pouch test bonus: I lost 4.4lbs last week, yay! This puts me 1/3 of the way toward my first short term goal: to lose the approximately 15 lbs I've put on since autumn.  Nine pounds to go and then I'll set a new short term goal.  I totally believe it's helpful and great to celebrate small milestones along the way.

So what now?  Well, I'm continuing with a modified version of the plan.  I think I'm going to keep eating mainly light soups on Mondays and Tuesdays as a way to get me on track for the week.  For today I've made Hungry Girl's V10 soup (like V8 but way more veggies and lighter).  I'm already feeling a bit of snack anxiety (as in I don't have something to snack on, some crunchy little things to nibble throughout the day) but I know that that's one of my major problems and something I'm going to constantly battle, and if some super veggie soup is what's going to get me through today, then that's it.  I did put a 100 calorie pack of almonds in my bag, though, in case I'm not full enough from the soup and get lightheaded and can't concentrate at work.

The (my) relationship with food is so complicated that I just purely hate it (the relationship) sometimes.  There's an interesting article in The Daily Beast today about Disinhibited-Eating Disorder, which they describe as:

As a group, disinhibited eaters are people who are unusually tied into the world around them and, when it comes to food, are more vulnerable to the everyday temptations of the high-fat, high-calorie goodies that surround us than those lucky folks to whom a full table is just a full table . . . For these people, more than other folks, learning how to deal with our toxic food environment makes a world of difference. And by this, I mean learning how to comfortably control it rather than engage in futile battles of willpower with it. If you’re someone who tends to eat just because there is food for the taking, even if you’re not the least bit hungry, read on.

Seriously?  This is SO normal for me that I had to read it several times because I was looking for the part that stood out as the problem.  Obviously I know what the problem is, but what I mean is that it's like reading the definition for schizophrenia and going, "Oh, hearing voices - yeah, that's a big sign of bad things going on."  I read this and went, "Oh.  Right.  Um, that's just daily life." Their solution: surround yourself with a personal microenvironment that decreases opportunities for disinhibition and creates a hunger-free, more-satisfied metabolism. This is exactly what I'm trying to do.  Of course, we all have to live in the real world and work to control ourselves when out in the buffet that is that real world, but a huge part of my life is home and work - two places I do have some (although not total) control over. They go on to suggest six rules for helping keep control (I highly suggest reading the article).

As I mentioned before, my good friend My Right To Dream recently underwent gastric sleeve surgery, a type of weight loss surgery (a bit different from the gastric bypass I had) and she's having a hard time with the first week of recovery, which is significantly physically painful sometimes.  As she talks about it, I remember those times - but when asked before, I couldn't recall much of it because the mental workings of breaking up and reuniting with food was so much bigger for me.  Going into the surgery, I had no idea that I had eating issues.  I feel dumb about that now, but I just really didn't know. I don't need to be a size 10 (though a 12 would be nice).  I don't need compliments on how I look or what a good job I'm doing losing weight (from people who just see any diet as a good thing because they've been conditioned - I do appreciate the comments from the people who know how hard and what a complicated process it is).  I don't want to turn heads.  I'm not a fan of attention, really.  I just want to be happy with me.

Last night I watched the first four episodes of My So-Called Life with Delightfully Sweet.  The show was my first "Things I Miss Friday" item and I can barely describe just how influential it was and still is on me.  For me, that show is magical and I would give anything to have that same team create a new show today.  The closing voice-over of the fourth episode (which I also quoted in that first Things I Miss Friday) speaks to me today just as much as it did when I was 19:

Sometimes it seems like we're all living in some kind of prison. And the crime is how much we hate ourselves. It's good to get really dressed up once in a while. And admit the truth: that when you really look closely? People are so strange and so complicated that they're actually... beautiful. Possibly even me.

Jon & Kate plus divorce

I have to admit I'm a bit heartbroken.  I really believed in their relationship and, as stated before, the hubby and I often considered our relationship a lot like Jon & Kate's.  I do not think Kate is a power hungry mean mommy with a terrible hairdo (really, her hair does not bother me - her tanning does, though) and I do not think Jon is weak or wishy-washy.  Not everyone needs to be a bulldozer; some people can be laid back.  Some people are the yin and yang and find their own unique balance.

I believed in them; I really did.  I believed that if you were good enough, you could defeat the destruction of reality television.  I believed that if you really loved each other, you could close ranks and fight a swirling storm.  I know I can be naive sometimes, but I prefer to think of it as being optimistic.

And now I think about the children, particularly the sextuplets.  Without them, Jon & Kate could have managed - having two children is perfectly reasonable.  However, TLC expressed interest in them after two specials and Jon & Kate decided that this show would be a great way to earn enough money to provide for their family.  This show and all the implications of the fame and money led to this divorce (despite Kate insisting otherwise - of course she has to tell herself that and I don't blame her at this point; it would be a lot to live with).  So, one day, one or more of the sextuplets will put it all together and think, "They did the show because of us.  They divorced because of the show.  Therefore the divorce is our fault." Maybe there's still room for a Jon & Kate reconciliation.  Maybe?  Probably not.  But I can't not keep hoping.

Star Trek III and IV - great way to spend a Sunday

Yesterday the hubby and I decided to have one of his brothers (and the brother's gf) over for dinner.  The plan for dinner was a nice, semi-lazy slow cooker-based meal (more on that later) and so we had the afternoon to lounge around and just hang out together (a total rarity).  So we popped in Star TrekIII: The Search for Spock.

As stated in my post on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, I enjoyed it so much that I was really looking forward to III - and I was not disappointed.  This movie was really interesting - just as interesting as II, really.  So much so that I actually put down my magazine and my laptop and just snuggled up to my husband and watched the movie. No, seriously, this is a big deal.  1 - I don't snuggle.  2 - I don't watch TV without doing something else at the same time (usually reading on my laptop, sometimes flipping through a magazine).  For this film to get my full attention, it had to be really interesting.  It was so interesting and entertaining that I asked if we could watch the next film after dinner: Star Trek IV: TheVoyage Home.

I was previously told by several sources that this film is the favorite among non-Trekkies and, now having watched it, it's very easy to see why.  It's the least space/science/technology-oriented of the films I've seen so far.  Not to ruin anything if you haven't seen it, but a lot of it takes place in 1980s San Francisco (so, on Earth, not in space) and the plot could be the plot of any non-Trek film.  I enjoyed it a lot, but I felt like they were pandering to the non-Trekkie audience a bit.  The film was funny and entertaining, though, and if it was a bit earlier when we finished it, I would have wanted to just keep on going and pop in Star Trek V.  But we'll save that for another evening.

So, yeah - I think my husband is succeeding in his quest to turn me into a Trekkie.  Man, I would have never thought it possible.  You won't find me building Enterprise models but I really do want to watch more films and the original series.  Gah.

They're not haters, actually - you might just not be all that.

Source: flickr.com/photos/lunchbreath

Every morning, I check the same websites: my email, LiveJournal, Wordpress, Google Reader, The Daily Beast, and Huffington Post.  I skim through, reading bits here and there, and often full articles if I have the time and inclination (I would love to read more full articles, but it's just not always possible).

Well, there was a really interesting piece posted on The Daily Beast on Sunday titled "Do Narcissists Have Better Sex?"  The thrust of the article is that we have created a generation of narcissists (we're looking at you Gen Y/Millenials) thanks to all the "Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong" "You can do anything you want" parenting and pop culture incentives that have happened over the past two decades or so.  This has lead to a whole generation of people who feel entitled to feel good about themselves at all times and who believe that anyone who tries to intimate that they might, just might, have things they might want to work on is a hater and the sort of person who likes to make other people feel terrible, just for sport.

I often read articles that I semi-agree or semi-disagree with, but every now and again I go, "Yes!  This!  Exactly this!"  This is one of those times.  I think the article's author, Hanna Seligson, has hit a very big nail right on its shiny, glaring head.  There might be a sentence or two that I take issue with, but I agree with her overall idea and postulations. I have been frustrated by this phenomenon but her article was able to put it into words in a way that I have found myself unable to do. 

It started back in 2003 when I was planning my sister's bridal shower and had an unpleasant run-in with one of the bridesmaids, a particularly bitchy and narcissistic blonde who accused me of overcharging them for the room rental so that I could make a profit on the shower (meanwhile, I had easily covered $1000 worth of expenses that they didn't contribute to).  What proceeded was a particularly nasty back-and-forth over email, during which I wrote things that I never believed I could actually say, especially to someone directly, and have since promised myself I would never say/write to someone again.  I insulted her commitment to her friendship with my sister and her overall intelligence... a few times over.  I don't remember most of what she said, but I clearly remember that she gave me the "People like you just like to take people like me down" line.

That line stands out in my memory because it was one of my first encounters with this sort of thinking.  First, I was put off by the binary.  People like me = older, fat, (then) dateless, loser.  People like her = naturally thin, blonde, super pretty, popular, mean because she can be.  It was simply crazy to me that someone "like me" was trying to take down someone "like her".  It was a total reverse of the standard power structure and so crazy that I couldn't understand where it was coming from. Now I know, though.  It was all that namby-pamby, give everyone a trophy for showing up stuff that's been going on for a while now and is a huge support system to the current reality show production system.  I watch some reality television, but I have very little patience for and tend not to watch the shows where when someone gets voted off, they go into the standard, "They made a mistake/they just don't 'get' me/you haven't seen the last of me/everyone will know my name/I'll be famous anyway" rant.  I'm sorry, snowflake, but odds are you won't be famous anyway unless you sell out that attitude and become a ridiculous farce of yourself. I'm so glad someone was able to put this into words. 

I hope more people take notice and there is an effort to work at reversing this trend.  Let's get back to trying to raise citizens that feel a responsibility to their communities and fellow people.

This is so how I feel about people with bluetooth headsets.

This site - Lunchbreath's Flickr Photostream - was highlighted on The Huffington Post yesterday.  It is chock full of awesome illustrations, but this was a "Oh, yes, this" moment on the first page I looked at:

I have a theory that the people who walk around with those blinking blue earsets have a secret desire to be Jem:

Remember Jem?  She was truly outrageous - truly, truly, truly outrageous.  Oh, and the music's contagious, outrageous.  Remember her special earrings?  They helped her computer, Synergy, to transform her from her regular music executive daily life into Jem, the superstar. But I'm sorry person walking around with the bluetooth headset; you are no Jem.

I need a new House... M.D., that is.

87. Watch every episode of House.

I was reviewing my 101 in 1001 list today since I have been talking with a friend about going to see Twelfth Night at Shakespeare in the Park.  As I was looking at the list, I realized that it's been a while since I caught an episode of House that I hadn't seen before.

So off I scurried to the list of House episodes on Wikipedia.  And, guess what - I've seen every one!  I got into this show last year after my sister-in-law had it on at my in-law's house.  It's a really great show and I wanted to make sure I caught up on it so I started Tivo'ing every re-run and watching every episode I could catch.  And now, done.  All caught up. But now I have to wait until the fall for the next installment.  Booooo.

Flame... Flames... on the sides of my face...

Any Clue fans?  Full disclosure: I can quote the whole movie... in Cantonese.  Okay, kidding... about the Cantonese, that is.  If we watch the movie together, I will try not to quote the whole thing as it plays, I promise.

As I sit here watching and reading lots of news clips, I can only wonder why it is that EVERY SINGLE PERSON I see criticizing Sonia Sotomayor is a white man? I can't even bring myself to calm down enough to adequately address the language being used in reference to her.  It is so extremely gender and race biased that it makes me sick. 

G. Gordon Liddy saying that he hopes she doesn't have to make decisions when she's menstruating and referring to the language of Spanish as speaking "illegal alien"???  What about Glen Beck calling her "Hispanic chick lady"?  Several intimating that she only got in to Princeton because of affirmative action.  (Oh, yes, and George W. Bush got into Yale based on his stellar academics.  She won the top prize when she graduated.  What did Bushie win?  Nada - we all lost.) 

And so what that all of the judges on Obama's short list were women?  Guess what - the bench needs one.  I'm sorry old white men, but your time is up.  Time to learn how to share. In reference to the recent Prop 8 decision, my brother said that decades from now scholars are going to look back on this time period - our time period - and view it the same way that we view segregation and the ban on interracial marriages.  I'm hopeful that his guess of "decades from now" is correct because I really fear that it's going to take longer than that.  Better yet, though, I hope it happens even sooner than that.  I'm not sure how long I can bear to live in a state of constant frustration at the intolerance of my fellow citizens.

A question of marriages - gay, televised, and otherwise.

Recently I wrote about both gay marriage and Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Today I find myself thinking about both topics again as the Jon & Kate season premiere aired last night and then, today, the California Supreme Court announced it will uphold Proposition 8, banning gay marriage, but - but - upholding the gay marriages that took place before Prop 8.

Where to begin, right?

How about we start with John Tomicki of the New Jersey Coalition to Preserve and Protect Marriage, who stated that since NJ gay couples already have civil unions with all of the benefits, protections, and responsibilities of marriage, there's no need to change the terminology from civil union to marriage "other than to change the 'traditional' meaning of the term" (Fuchs, NJ.com).  If it's all the same, then why does the title matter to you?  And why is your organization's goal to "preserve and protect" marriage?  Would you like an arranged marriage?  Or perhaps you would like your wife to stay home, you know, as women should.  I hope she's not a high earner who is providing a significant portion of your household income.  And how about that dowry you paid to her father when you asked him for her hand in marriage?  How did that go?  Oh, oops, you didn't pay one?  If you're on board to preserve and protect marriage, you better be ready to have someone else define marriage for you.  Why do you get to define which stage of marriage gets protected and preserved?  I hope no one against gay marriage is in a biracial or multicultural marriage; you might just find yourself in the same place as the upheld gay marriages in CA today.

How do we get to Jon & Kate from here?  Well, it's clear to me that this is a specific marriage that needs protection and preservation.  Yes, when you sign up for a reality show, you invite a bit of speculation into your life.  But what I do not understand is how it remains legal for adult photographers (i.e. the dreaded paparazzi) to pursue, follow, and film children.  Wouldn't that get them questioned about child porn in some places?  And, to me, I do not understand how this "profession" is allowed to exist.  It clearly seems like harassment and I do not understand why there are no laws in the pipeline aiming to curb this (if there are and you are aware of this, please feel free to comment and correct my assumption).

The Jon & Kate Plus 8 season premiere made me remarkably sad.  As I stated previously, the hubby believed that the whole situation was probably made to look worse than it was and the episode would show that it's not as bad as the commercials were "dramatizing" it to be.  However, his silence and focused concentration during last night's premiere makes me think that he agrees that he was proven incorrect.  Jon and Kate seem to be barely speaking to each other and seem to not spend a lot of time together at home (or even in the same house together). 

Significantly, they both seem to be struggling with the care that eight children require.  Jon resents being left home with them while Kate goes on her book tour.  However, Kate took care of the kids by herself (well, with some help) for years while he worked (and he did state that he has help).  Kate then goes on to bemoan over and over (and over) how she has to plan the sextuplets' birthday party by herself.  Do you want an award for this?  Plenty of parents, both single and married, plan children's birthday parties by themselves.  You are not writing The Great American Novel or planning a Presidential Inaugural dinner.  This is a party, in a park, with cake and pinatas, for a group of five year olds.  Get a friggin' grip.

I believe they are both steeped in a lot of anger, but also a lot of fear.  I do not believe that either one of them has checked out of the marriage, as some people have intimated (specifically of Jon).  I believe they are both scared of feeling that possibility, especially in each other.  It seemed to me like neither one wanted to step up and admit that they might possibly want to work on their marriage.  Kate said this a bit, but more in the "I've done all I can and I'm now spent" kind of way - not in the "I'll go down fighting" kind of way.  They saved all of that for their kids, which is somewhat fair, but I really hope they take a step back and work on the marriage.

The fact that the downfall of their marriage is being pitched as entertainment disgusts me, as does the CA Supreme Court's decision today.  I don't believe that marriage is for everyone or every relationship, but I have found a lot of comfort in the support and security mine offers me.  I only wish that everyone else has the same opportunity if they want it and that, if they do so sign up, that they can endure marriage's ups and downs without a slew of photographers or hate speech following them.

Jon, Kate, Eight, and Us

The commercial for the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 makes me really sad (disclosure: okay, I've shed a few tears over it), but even more so when it's shown in conjunction with the past episode marathons that have been on recently.  It's painful to watch the progression of Jon & Kate as people, as a couple, as parents, and as celebrities. 

It's particularly worrisome to me because the hubby and I have always considered ourselves to be a lot like Jon and Kate and now it feels like if they could fail and possibly divorce, so could we. I know, they're a television couple.  But they're not fictional.  They had a real meeting, not unlike ours.  When asked when their relationship became serious, their answer is, "After the first date" which is also what we say.  They had a real engagement and a wedding that now makes me cry as I watch them promise things to each other that they seem to no longer be following through on.

I stood up for Kate long after people started bashing her parenting and attitude toward John.  The hubby and I have always found their relationship to be really amusing and, truth be told, the way they interact was extremely helpful for me in developing an understanding of how the hubby and I interact AND understanding that it's okay - that it won't all fall apart if you snipe at each other sometimes, even in front of the kids, or - gasp - in public.  And if they could handle eight, we could certainly handle one or two, seriously!

That said, it was apparent to me in the last (fourth) season that things had shifted.  Their bickering seemed less amicable and there was less apparent romance between them.  In addition, their life seemed increasingly less real.  They went on all these spectacular trips and no longer seemed to have any monetary concerns.  Part of the charm of the show was how they budgeted and managed on Jon's salary and how Jon balanced his job with his family life.  All of a sudden, though, that all disappeared - as well as any extraneous friends and family members who had been on the show, reportedly due to several falling outs.

The hubby thinks more has been made of Jon & Kate's problems than there really are, but I can't agree with him.  I think they have some serious problems right now and I hope they are able to reconcile their difficulties.  People scoff when one becomes concerned about a television or celebrity couple, but there's something about Jon & Kate that's always seemed extraordinarily real.  They made for great television because they weren't hiding anything, but it seems to me that they got caught up in their own celebrity and have been hiding behind those personas.  But now, as it crumbles all around them, I hope they find themselves again and the marriage I always admired so much.

I missed Things I Miss Friday

But this morning brought me smack dab in the face of something I always miss: Doing Time on Maple Drive - probably the best made-for-TV/Lifetime-ish movie EVER made.

Yes, that's Jim Carrey.  He plays an alcoholic.  The father is a former military guy who's been too strict on his family, so all the kids are screwed up.  The mother, well, I don't know her reason for being a jerk, but she is.

I have always love this movie, but it's funny how dated it looks and sounds now.  It came out in 1993 so everyone's waistbands are a bit high.  The mother's homophobia would not be written the same way now, even on Lifetime.  "I don't know why you choose this for yourself!"  "I didn't choose this, Mom, this is who I am!  And what about AIDS?  Would someone choose to be gay now?"  The line actually took me aback; I don't think being gay and AIDS are associated like that anymore, so easily.

Later the father says, "Homosexual.  There, I said it... and I didn't even feel sick or anything." "Well, Dad, I think the word 'gay' is easier."  "No, I don't like that word.  It's a perfectly good word that's been ruined."   Errr, yeah.  So very dated; it reminds me of those old B&W "marijuana is bad for you" films from the 30s.  My best guess, though, is that this was someone's first attempt to broach this topic.  1992 was the start of the Clinton era; we got through the Reagan administration with him not saying the word AIDS until nearly the end of his term and G.H.W. Bush not doing much better.  One of my very favorite 90s films, And The Band Played On, came out the following year, also on television.  I think maybe not only did filmmakers start to feel freer to make such films, but also people felt ready to explore the ideas and topics in a more public forum.

For all its dated-ness, though, I still love Doing Time on Maple Drive.  It's one of those that I kind of wish I don't ever get on DVD because it's like a special treat every time I happen to find it on TV, as odd as that probably sounds.

My $.02 on Jason and Molly

Who are Jason and Molly?

Jason is ABC's most recent "Bachelor" and Molly is the woman he chose... although not without some controversy.  Admittedly, I did not watch this season (or the last several seasons, but I have watched a few) but I got sucked in yesterday after catching the end of the final episode and the beginning of the "After the Final Rose Part 1" special.  Long story short: Jason dumped Molly and chose Melissa.  Soon thereafter he realized he made a mistake.  Six weeks after the finale, he dumped Melissa and asked Molly to take him back.  Six weeks after that, they filmed "After the Final Rose Part 2", which aired last night.

Well, you'd think that Jason revealed a hidden swaztika tattoo and asked Melissa if he could set her on fire.  People are seriously outraged (like... outraged!?$!1!).  Seriously, people?

1. Have you never been in love with two people at the same time?  If not, then judge not.  It is not a fun situation and it is difficult to manage an ideal ending where everyone ends up happy.  (It is possible, though, but usually only because someone involved really wasn't in love.)  Jason was clearly in love with two women at once and had an arbitrary TV deadline for making a choice.  Should he have asked for more time?  Sure, but no one's perfect.

2. To all the "Oh poor Melissa" people.  Melissa went on TV to find true love.  That in itself says this is all in the clear.  She signed a contract saying this could (and had to) all be aired.  Additionally, she was not ambushed.  She knew it was coming.  She also talks about herself in the third person, but I suppose I can't technically hold that against her (maybe).

3.  Regarding the rumors that this was all contrived.  I suppose it's possible but, again, it's also possible to be in love with two people at once.  Add a very weepy, emotional male and TV cameras to that already incendiary situation and what do you expect?

4.  Stop hating on Molly.  She loves Jason and when he dumped her, she told him he was making a huge mistake.  Okay, so every dumb girl on a TV dating show says that when they get dumped, but there was something actually sincere about it when she said it - and she was right!  (At least as far as we can know right now.)  Sometimes people do choose the wrong mate initially.  At least Jason had the integrity to change the situation as soon as he knew for sure and at least Molly had the good sense to swallow her pride and forgive him, but only after grilling him (at least that's what she says).

5. I hate the "Jason is a tool for doing this on camera; he should have done this privately" comments.  What part of "contractually obligated" do people not understand?  Do you know how much ABC could have sued him for if he dumped Melissa privately?  Say what you will, but this was a requirement.  Besides, they had had many email and phone conversations about the state of their relationship and weren't due to film the "After the Rose" special until twelve weeks had passed, not six.  You don't think Melissa had ANY inkling of what was coming?  If she didn't, well, her Happy Meal is short a few fries.

I hope Jason and Molly have a wonderfully successful relationship, not just to prove the naysayers wrong, but because they've both gone through so much to get to this point and I believe they both deserve some happiness.