MeMe me me meeeee . . . Award!

The lovely Lori at I Can Grow People has bestowed a MeMe Award upon me.  What is a MeMe?  (Other than a really fun thing to say over and over again, pretending that you're an opera singer warming up at the Met?)

Basically, I have to share seven things with my readers that they (you!) don't know about me and then choose seven of my readers to pass the MeMe Award onto. Let me tell you, this is harder than it seems!  I'm a pretty open person, so there isn't a lot that I'm hiding (and what I'm hiding, I'm hiding for good reason!).  I've spent the past two days trying to think of things that I haven't mentioned before AND are even slightly, remotely interesting.  It's harder than it first seems, but here goes!

1. I have a wretched memory.  There probably isn't a day that goes by that my husband doesn't pick on me for this.  I don't remember anything before I was five years old and don't have solid, great memories until age ten or so.  Beyond that, I don't remember recent things, either.  I like to chalk this up to space conservation; I remember what is important to me.  I like to point out to my husband that he may remember taking apart and reassembling his mother's toaster at age 3, yet he doesn't remember to pick up his socks on a daily basis.  I'd rather pick up my laundry than remember my toddler years.

2. I sort of proposed to my husband before he proposed to me.  We had discussed getting engaged/married but I was still gun-shy about the whole she-bang.  But one day at lunch I told him that I believed we should get married.  After lunch we went and picked out a ring together, which he then took home and proposed to me with two weeks later - longest two weeks EVER!  (Especially the whole "pretending I didn't know about it" to my family part.)

3. Pregnancy grosses me out.  I successfully avoided touching any pregnant bellies until my sister-in-law forced me to touch hers last year.  Just thinking about it makes me want to gag.  I recognize that the creation of life is pretty amazing and the whole process is kind of like a fun science experiment; I just wish I didn't have to be the petri dish.  (No, I'm not pregnant and, no, we're not trying yet.  I'm just surrounded by pregnant women and infants lately so it's always on my mind.)  It doesn't help that....

4. I am a mommy blog addict.  I religiously follow Momversation and a bunch of mommy bloggers, most notably Girls Gone Child (the amazing Rebecca Woolf - yes, I'm still obsessed), Dooce, and Mighty Girl.  Between them and the experiences of my real-life friends and relatives with babies, I have to seriously bite my tongue sometimes around moms because I want to offer my opinion on baby-raising, but feel unqualified to because I'm not actually a mom - just an aunt and avid reader.  I try to take my mommy blog knowledge and use it to make myself a more understanding friend to my mom friends.  Hopefully someday it also helps make me a good mom.

5. I feel like I've lost my personal style.  I think I had more style before my gastric bypass than I do now because now I'm sad about how I look, whereas then it was just a fact of my life that hadn't ever been any different.  I was developing a fun style, I think, when I was thin but then I started gaining weight and it all ended.  I actually feel now like one of those people who's given up, something I'd never guess of myself.  I don't have the money to go out and buy anything, much less all the things it would take for me to feel better about how I put myself together every day, so I'm doing a lot of thinking lately about how I can turn this situation around.

6. You do not want to have anything to do with me if I have not had my morning coffee.  Seriously.  The hubby even bought me a sticker for my car that says, "Give me coffee and no one gets hurt."

7. My graduate thesis was on Harry Potter.  I figured that if I was going to write a 60 page paper, it was going to be on something I didn't mind living and breathing day in and day out for a whole semester.  Long story (paper) short, the argument in it is that many of Harry's decisions and actions are subconsciously based on his orphan status and how he's always looking to recreate the family he lost, even sometimes to the detriment of the other characters.

Ta-da!  Don't you feel so informed now?  And now it is time for me to pass on the MeMe Award to seven blogger readers I'd love to hear more from and think you should check out:

1. "D" at Delightfully Sweet - One of the best home chef/bakers I know.  I really envy her kitchen abilities and absolutely love her food photography.

2. Amy at My Right To Dream - One of my dearest friends and a constant source of inspiration, comfort, and humor.  One of the most giving and accepting people I have ever met.

3. Erin at Thirty-Something - I love Erin's blog because everything she writes about is so interesting and her voice is so clear.  I really feel like she puts her own self out there in her writing, but without ever over-sharing or being boring.  Her concerns (family, career, home, life) are all so close to my own, so perhaps I'm a bit biased.

4. Tara at Tara SG's 101 Mission - I love her 101 list.  She's always writing about and linking to great books, places, recipes, etc.  I particularly enjoy her goal of learning new French words and idioms.

5. Teanna at Spork or Foon - Is that not one of the best food blog titles?  She makes great food look easy AND beautiful.

Numbers 6 and 7.... could be YOU!  While I seem to get the same number of readers daily, with occasional spikes seemingly based on content or random events in the universe, I don't get a lot of comments (as much as I'd love many, many comments). So I throw this out to you, dear reader - take this MeMe Award and bestow it upon yourself!  I say that you can!  My only request is that if you do so based on this post, that you put a link to my blog in it so that it pings back and I can find the post.  Fair deal, right?  If you do this, I'll repost your link as #6 or #7.  :)

All together now: Meme me me me me meeeeeeee!  *glass cracks*  (Anyone else watch that episode of Mythbusters?)

Is this really who we are?

1. Today, on the way to work, I passed a school bus that had a hanging tag in the back window saying that the bus had been checked for sleeping children. Seriously?  We need to proclaim that we did this?  Don't all bus drivers check their bus before getting off or driving somewhere?

2. At 2:26am I received a text message that my best friend's wife's water broke.  I've finally come to terms with the fact that most of my friends are/are getting married (including the fact that I'm married).  Now we're becoming parents?  I have plenty of acquaintances and pseudo-friends who are parents, but no one as close to me as this person - and now he's going to be a dad.  I cried on the way to work today, just thinking about it (tears of joy). They live out of state, but I'm going to be in their area tomorrow and Saturday so I'm hoping she has the baby before I head back home so I can meet the little gal.

3. My job allows no casual wear, ever.  No Casual Fridays, etc.  But today is a half-day and the last day before a full three-day weekend (a total rarity here), so I'm wearing jeans.  So there, take that. I'm a rebel, that's who I really am.  (Okay, really, I'm really not.  But sometimes I wear the pants.)

7 Quick Tuesday Takes

1. I'm still really upset by the flippant and hate-filled responses to Jon & Kate.  Maybe it's naive, but I think you can sign up to be on a television show and not expect this sort of media treatment.  Who's following the Duggars around? Anyone?  Which paparazzi are camped outside The Little Couple's home?  Hmm?  Only some people get subjected to this level of scrutiny and, frankly, harassment.  They did not ask for this or bring it upon themselves.  Why don't we have paparazzi laws?  Why is it fair for adult men with cameras to stalk five-year-olds?  Disgusting.

2. Day two of the 5 Day Pouch Test is going well so far.  My only off-plan eating yesterday was a cup of yogurt and a 1 oz. piece of cheese.  So, okay, no off-plan eating would be optimal but I'm still proud of myself.  Hunger is not an emergency.

3. I think your child is adorable, but I don't need to see 85 photos from any family event.  Can you choose maybe 5 of them if you're sending them via email?  Or post an album on Facebook so I can skim through them.

4. I got a FB messages from my ex-work husband yesterday.  It wasn't quite perfunctory, but mainly a research assistance request with a few personal questions thrown in.  I miss my grad school friends.  I miss being around people who read literature and watch the (non-Fox) news and have the skills that go along with a liberal arts education.  I'm looking forward to my new grad classes this fall.  My previous grad classmates set a pretty high bar, though - I hope my new ones are up to snuff.

5. Email is an affliction.  Do any of us really need THAT much email?  I wish the cc option was never invented.  Little by little, I'm unsubscribing from a bunch of mailing lists.  I'd rather just get real emails from people I care to hear from.

6. Yesterday's diary of a food addict post got as many hits alone as I usually get in a day.  This makes me wonder about the interest in food addiction (which I believe is under-represented and misrepresented in the media).

7. My husband's answer to all irritants is "Can I build a flamethrower?"  Today I finally agreed, but only so I can be charred to a crisp, like a snack.  I would be a Combo - crunchy on the outside and soft cheese on the inside (because, really, with all the cheese I eat, I am probably just cheese inside).  What's better than carbs outside and cheese inside?  (Combos, raviolis, manicotti, wontons, quesadillas - I could just go on and on.)  Man, I am a carb addict.

What's your favorite carb outside/cheese inside food?

Jon & Kate plus divorce

I have to admit I'm a bit heartbroken.  I really believed in their relationship and, as stated before, the hubby and I often considered our relationship a lot like Jon & Kate's.  I do not think Kate is a power hungry mean mommy with a terrible hairdo (really, her hair does not bother me - her tanning does, though) and I do not think Jon is weak or wishy-washy.  Not everyone needs to be a bulldozer; some people can be laid back.  Some people are the yin and yang and find their own unique balance.

I believed in them; I really did.  I believed that if you were good enough, you could defeat the destruction of reality television.  I believed that if you really loved each other, you could close ranks and fight a swirling storm.  I know I can be naive sometimes, but I prefer to think of it as being optimistic.

And now I think about the children, particularly the sextuplets.  Without them, Jon & Kate could have managed - having two children is perfectly reasonable.  However, TLC expressed interest in them after two specials and Jon & Kate decided that this show would be a great way to earn enough money to provide for their family.  This show and all the implications of the fame and money led to this divorce (despite Kate insisting otherwise - of course she has to tell herself that and I don't blame her at this point; it would be a lot to live with).  So, one day, one or more of the sextuplets will put it all together and think, "They did the show because of us.  They divorced because of the show.  Therefore the divorce is our fault." Maybe there's still room for a Jon & Kate reconciliation.  Maybe?  Probably not.  But I can't not keep hoping.

He's just not that into you... oh wait, I lied.

Last night I watched He's Just Not That Into You.

I read the book back when it came out:

And, before that, saw the Sex and the City episode that spawned the book that later spawned the movie.  To all of this I will say: it should have stopped with the SATC episode. T

he book isn't bad (although it's been a while since I read it so I'd have to re-read it to form a thorough opinion).  There are a lot of women who are, as the film clearly points out, conditioned to believe that men act like assholes to show you that they like you.  Seriously, isn't it insane when it's worded that way?  But many women believe it's true, telling themselves the man isn't ready for a relationship, has intimacy issues, loves them so much that it scares him, blah blah blahdie blah blah.  (Full disclosure: I have said all of those things myself - at one point, all about the same man.  But in my case it was true.  Ha.  No, we didn't get married, but whatever - I know what I know.) For the woman that still use these ideas regularly, the title of the book alone should have had an effect. 

The film, I am sad to report, completely UNDOES THE WHOLE EFFING THING!  Throughout the whole film, one key character is not into the girl - oh wait, UNTIL HE IS.  Married men never leave their wives - oh wait, UNTIL ONE DOES (albeit because his wife wised up and kicked the lying sack of poo out of her home).  The man who says he does not want to get married will never change his mind and propose - oh wait, UNTIL HE DOES.  It was completely infuriating.  And, to boot, the one woman with a spine (who kicks out her cheating husband) is the most annoying character in the whole film.  That is not good. That said, I don't hate that I watched the film.  It was entertaining enough - it's just really the last 10 or so minutes that undo the whole damn thing.  I want to write a letter to Drew Barrymore and tell her that I'm disappointed in her (she's one of the executive producers).  She should really know better.  This could've been a great female empowerment film but instead ended up reinforcing the worst stereotypes and delusions.  Boo hiss.

Rebecca Woolf is my Oprah (but like new and improved)

16. Read 30 books I haven’t read before and blog about them. (9/30)

Rockabye
by Rebecca Woolf

I promise to make a concerted effort not to squee all over this post.  As stated in my previous post, I have a massive girl-crush on Rebecca Woolf.

Rebecca, long story short:
*Living the cool life in L.A., party girl, scenester
*Pregnant at 23 by guy she'd been dating for a few months
*Kept the baby, got married at 5 months pregnant
*Named son Archer (such a cool name and such a cute kid)
*Writes an awesome blog, Girl's Gone Child, and writes/participates in other sites (Babble, Momversation, HuffPo)
*Now married around five years and has a second child, an overwhelmingly cute daughter named Fable

I said to a friend the other day that Rebecca Woolf is about five years younger than me but I want to be her when I grow up.  Unfortunately, some of it is too late.  It's too late to have a wild time that I won't regret later.  It's too late to pursue everything I want, throwing caution to the wind - and I'm cautious by nature, so that would have never worked.  But I envy that ability of hers. She's naturally beautiful, but also impeccably stylish.  She even posted a makeup tutorial on YouTube (confession: I've been trying her eyeshadow technique over the past two days and love it so far; I even bought new mascara and am going to try some MAC stuff when I have a bit of cash to spare).  It's unfair how pretty she still is when she doesn't yet have any makeup on.  I always feel beautiful when my husband says the same thing about me, but I think he just hasn't seen her without her makeup on (and I'm not sharing).

I found Rebecca through Momversation, which I found through Dooce (whose book, It Sucked And Then I Cried,  I will begin reading tonight).  Rebecca so intrigued me that I went back in her blog archives and read through her whole blog, starting at the first post.  This took a few days and when it was over, I was sad that I couldn't get a new Rebecca fix anytime I wanted. 

So, I read her book. The book reads just like the blog.  If you don't like blogs or Rebecca's in particular, you will not like this book.  She's the type of writer who is totally relatable and who you don't feel bad about agreeing or disagreeing with.  For example, I have always hated the idea of L.A.  I've never been there - drove by it once, but that's it.  As a die-hard NYC fan, I do not have a pleasant opinion of L.A.  Rebecca changed that, though.  I have a respect for the city and those who live there that I didn't before.  I still don't love it, but can really understand why some do.

Rebecca's struggle is the balance of motherhood and individuality and independence - a struggle I have always anticipated myself having.  Her words have quieted many of my fears about wanting to have it all, although I take issue with her claim at the end of the book that one can have it all.  I think that it's been a bit easy for her (though she would laugh heartily at that claim) because she's driven, resourceful, and mainly a really talented writer who's had professional experience writing since she was a teenager.  Not everyone is lucky enough to have their one great talent be one that allows them to work from home - AND not everyone who has a talent like that has the luck or opportunity to make it work out that way.  It helps when you're beautiful and young, too.

But it all only makes me love her more.  She doesn't take anything for granted and feels very lucky to have what she does.  (Did I mention yet that her husband is hot, too?  Yeah, the luck.)  I even envy the names she chose for her children: Archer and Fable.  I'm seriously considering stealing the name Fable because it is the best female name I have heard in a long time.  I worry, though, that I'm just not cool enough to have a daughter named Fable... or that one day, should I be so lucky as to meet Rebecca, I'd have to fess up to stealing the name.  That would suck and ruin any chance at friendship, I'm sure.  (But in this instance, I swear to all that exists, imitation really would be the sincerest form of flattery.)

The thing about Rebecca is that she's truly inspirational.  This is going to sound crazy and beyond cheesetastic, but I feel like I've become a better person just in time since I read her blog and her book.  I feel funnier and kinder and happier.  I feel like she has so much gratitude for everything that it can't help but seep out and that some of it landed on me.  And what, for a writer, could be better than to be able to create change and affect a person?  Not much (other than maybe massive book sales).  And it's not that type of icky, annoying "I keep a gratitude journal" gratitude.  It's naked and honest and sometimes raw, but always beautiful.

So, you know, I know she and I aren't ever going to become BFF or something, but she's changed my outlook in a way that only those types of people can, which is incredible.  And she friended me on Facebook, so yeah, we're like already on the road to being BFF anyway.

One last thing... The last line of Rockabye: I twist my ring and it sparkles in the light of Archer's bedroom and everywhere I look there are rainbows. I don't know if she did this on purpose - she is a writer, so I do suspect she knows this poem - but, for me, this totally chimed of the last lines of Elizabeth Bishop's poem, "The Fish": everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow! (Full text of the poem here.  Do yourself a favor and read it; it's incredible.) Rebecca Woolf creates rainbows.

Star Trek III and IV - great way to spend a Sunday

Yesterday the hubby and I decided to have one of his brothers (and the brother's gf) over for dinner.  The plan for dinner was a nice, semi-lazy slow cooker-based meal (more on that later) and so we had the afternoon to lounge around and just hang out together (a total rarity).  So we popped in Star TrekIII: The Search for Spock.

As stated in my post on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, I enjoyed it so much that I was really looking forward to III - and I was not disappointed.  This movie was really interesting - just as interesting as II, really.  So much so that I actually put down my magazine and my laptop and just snuggled up to my husband and watched the movie. No, seriously, this is a big deal.  1 - I don't snuggle.  2 - I don't watch TV without doing something else at the same time (usually reading on my laptop, sometimes flipping through a magazine).  For this film to get my full attention, it had to be really interesting.  It was so interesting and entertaining that I asked if we could watch the next film after dinner: Star Trek IV: TheVoyage Home.

I was previously told by several sources that this film is the favorite among non-Trekkies and, now having watched it, it's very easy to see why.  It's the least space/science/technology-oriented of the films I've seen so far.  Not to ruin anything if you haven't seen it, but a lot of it takes place in 1980s San Francisco (so, on Earth, not in space) and the plot could be the plot of any non-Trek film.  I enjoyed it a lot, but I felt like they were pandering to the non-Trekkie audience a bit.  The film was funny and entertaining, though, and if it was a bit earlier when we finished it, I would have wanted to just keep on going and pop in Star Trek V.  But we'll save that for another evening.

So, yeah - I think my husband is succeeding in his quest to turn me into a Trekkie.  Man, I would have never thought it possible.  You won't find me building Enterprise models but I really do want to watch more films and the original series.  Gah.

The hubby bought me a book! (REM: Hello)

The hubby has been obsessed with buying a Nikon D40 since... err, forever.  Since it came out, probably.  So finally he decided to save up, little by little, and get the camera (the store let him do layaway - how cool is that? I love layaway). The hubby didn't know about the camera store we ended up at.  It was actually my idea to go.  Being the daughter of a former pro-photog and friend of many aspiring photogs, I have been going to this camera store for ages so not only did I not mind taking him there, I actually enjoyed it. While the hubby played with the D40 display model, I wandered around the store looking at frames and photo books.  Then, suddenly, my eyes fell to this and I think I squealed:

R.E.M. Hello
photos by David Belisle

A new R.E.M. photo book?  With an introduction by Stipe?  Instantly the camera store disappeared around me as I flipped through the pages of the book, totally immersing myself into R.E.M.-land.  The photos in the book are phenomenal and, apparently, there was a book tour where the photog AND Stipe signed copies.  Ohhh but it was last year and I missed it because I had NO idea it was going on!  *shakes fist at grad school*

So a few days ago the hubby comes home from work and says, "I have something for you.  Sorry it's not wrapped."  (Note: any time I get a random gift and it's not a holiday - and sometimes on holidays - the gift presentation is often followed by "Sorry it's not wrapped." lol)  And there it was, shrink-wrapped, signed by the photog.  The photos are as incredible as I remember from a couple of months ago.  So stunning:

What a lucky wifey I am to have a hubby that not only supports but fuels my Stipe/R.E.M. obsession AND my book obsession! And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go flip through my book.

A question of marriages - gay, televised, and otherwise.

Recently I wrote about both gay marriage and Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Today I find myself thinking about both topics again as the Jon & Kate season premiere aired last night and then, today, the California Supreme Court announced it will uphold Proposition 8, banning gay marriage, but - but - upholding the gay marriages that took place before Prop 8.

Where to begin, right?

How about we start with John Tomicki of the New Jersey Coalition to Preserve and Protect Marriage, who stated that since NJ gay couples already have civil unions with all of the benefits, protections, and responsibilities of marriage, there's no need to change the terminology from civil union to marriage "other than to change the 'traditional' meaning of the term" (Fuchs, NJ.com).  If it's all the same, then why does the title matter to you?  And why is your organization's goal to "preserve and protect" marriage?  Would you like an arranged marriage?  Or perhaps you would like your wife to stay home, you know, as women should.  I hope she's not a high earner who is providing a significant portion of your household income.  And how about that dowry you paid to her father when you asked him for her hand in marriage?  How did that go?  Oh, oops, you didn't pay one?  If you're on board to preserve and protect marriage, you better be ready to have someone else define marriage for you.  Why do you get to define which stage of marriage gets protected and preserved?  I hope no one against gay marriage is in a biracial or multicultural marriage; you might just find yourself in the same place as the upheld gay marriages in CA today.

How do we get to Jon & Kate from here?  Well, it's clear to me that this is a specific marriage that needs protection and preservation.  Yes, when you sign up for a reality show, you invite a bit of speculation into your life.  But what I do not understand is how it remains legal for adult photographers (i.e. the dreaded paparazzi) to pursue, follow, and film children.  Wouldn't that get them questioned about child porn in some places?  And, to me, I do not understand how this "profession" is allowed to exist.  It clearly seems like harassment and I do not understand why there are no laws in the pipeline aiming to curb this (if there are and you are aware of this, please feel free to comment and correct my assumption).

The Jon & Kate Plus 8 season premiere made me remarkably sad.  As I stated previously, the hubby believed that the whole situation was probably made to look worse than it was and the episode would show that it's not as bad as the commercials were "dramatizing" it to be.  However, his silence and focused concentration during last night's premiere makes me think that he agrees that he was proven incorrect.  Jon and Kate seem to be barely speaking to each other and seem to not spend a lot of time together at home (or even in the same house together). 

Significantly, they both seem to be struggling with the care that eight children require.  Jon resents being left home with them while Kate goes on her book tour.  However, Kate took care of the kids by herself (well, with some help) for years while he worked (and he did state that he has help).  Kate then goes on to bemoan over and over (and over) how she has to plan the sextuplets' birthday party by herself.  Do you want an award for this?  Plenty of parents, both single and married, plan children's birthday parties by themselves.  You are not writing The Great American Novel or planning a Presidential Inaugural dinner.  This is a party, in a park, with cake and pinatas, for a group of five year olds.  Get a friggin' grip.

I believe they are both steeped in a lot of anger, but also a lot of fear.  I do not believe that either one of them has checked out of the marriage, as some people have intimated (specifically of Jon).  I believe they are both scared of feeling that possibility, especially in each other.  It seemed to me like neither one wanted to step up and admit that they might possibly want to work on their marriage.  Kate said this a bit, but more in the "I've done all I can and I'm now spent" kind of way - not in the "I'll go down fighting" kind of way.  They saved all of that for their kids, which is somewhat fair, but I really hope they take a step back and work on the marriage.

The fact that the downfall of their marriage is being pitched as entertainment disgusts me, as does the CA Supreme Court's decision today.  I don't believe that marriage is for everyone or every relationship, but I have found a lot of comfort in the support and security mine offers me.  I only wish that everyone else has the same opportunity if they want it and that, if they do so sign up, that they can endure marriage's ups and downs without a slew of photographers or hate speech following them.

Jon, Kate, Eight, and Us

The commercial for the season premiere of Jon & Kate Plus 8 makes me really sad (disclosure: okay, I've shed a few tears over it), but even more so when it's shown in conjunction with the past episode marathons that have been on recently.  It's painful to watch the progression of Jon & Kate as people, as a couple, as parents, and as celebrities. 

It's particularly worrisome to me because the hubby and I have always considered ourselves to be a lot like Jon and Kate and now it feels like if they could fail and possibly divorce, so could we. I know, they're a television couple.  But they're not fictional.  They had a real meeting, not unlike ours.  When asked when their relationship became serious, their answer is, "After the first date" which is also what we say.  They had a real engagement and a wedding that now makes me cry as I watch them promise things to each other that they seem to no longer be following through on.

I stood up for Kate long after people started bashing her parenting and attitude toward John.  The hubby and I have always found their relationship to be really amusing and, truth be told, the way they interact was extremely helpful for me in developing an understanding of how the hubby and I interact AND understanding that it's okay - that it won't all fall apart if you snipe at each other sometimes, even in front of the kids, or - gasp - in public.  And if they could handle eight, we could certainly handle one or two, seriously!

That said, it was apparent to me in the last (fourth) season that things had shifted.  Their bickering seemed less amicable and there was less apparent romance between them.  In addition, their life seemed increasingly less real.  They went on all these spectacular trips and no longer seemed to have any monetary concerns.  Part of the charm of the show was how they budgeted and managed on Jon's salary and how Jon balanced his job with his family life.  All of a sudden, though, that all disappeared - as well as any extraneous friends and family members who had been on the show, reportedly due to several falling outs.

The hubby thinks more has been made of Jon & Kate's problems than there really are, but I can't agree with him.  I think they have some serious problems right now and I hope they are able to reconcile their difficulties.  People scoff when one becomes concerned about a television or celebrity couple, but there's something about Jon & Kate that's always seemed extraordinarily real.  They made for great television because they weren't hiding anything, but it seems to me that they got caught up in their own celebrity and have been hiding behind those personas.  But now, as it crumbles all around them, I hope they find themselves again and the marriage I always admired so much.

My man don't tell these lies (and neither do I)

No, seriously, I am one lucky wifey.  Of course, this expert knowledge of "The 13 Lies All Men Tell" is from AOL News, who is continually, astoundingly frustrating in the inaccuracies and pure idiocy of some of their "reporting".  But, regardless, I found this to be interesting and was left wondering if these are just really old stereotypes or am I truly just really that lucky that I don't have to worry about these?

The 13 Lies All Men Tell

1. What woman in the thong bikini?
I.e. All men lie about looking at other women.  Yeah, not a problem with us.  He freely admits when he's looking at some other girl, usually along the lines of, "Hey, honey, check her out.  Would she be threesome material?"  And, honestly, I don't mind.  I know he's not going anywhere with anyone else.  I can appreciate a beautiful woman, too, so I really couldn't care less if he looks at them.

2. My hair is as thick and glorious as the day I graduated high school.
Ignoring the bad grammar in that one, it's another falsehood.  My husband is thoroughly obsessed with his hair and how it's thinner and grayer than it's ever been.  However, I don't care and I don't care.  It's not thin (not that I'd care if it was) and I absolutely adore the flecks of gray.  He's not dishonest about it and I'm not either.

3. I know you would never fake it.
The idea here is that all men are too insecure to admit that sometimes they can't please their partner.  This is a particularly annoying lie because it does no one any good.  If you can't work together as partners to make sure everyone's satisfied, then how good is your partnership?  Sometimes there just isn't wind in the sails, and THAT IS OKAY.  And sometimes you need a motor boat.  Whatever gets your boat out to sea.

4. Honey, you have such superb driving skills that I don't feel the need to wear a seatbelt.
Okay, well, first - I would smack the hubby upside the head if he attempted to ride in any car without a seatbelt.  That's just plain stupid (I told you AOL News was idiotic).  But aside from that, the hubby and I are very honest with each other about our driving.  In some ways, we do drive similarly, but in the ways we don't, we love to crack on each other.  For example, for some reason, I keep parking ON the curb at our new place.  Generally, I am an excellent parallel parker, but for some reason the curb outside our house tricks me every time.  He laughs at this and I don't care.

5. Brad Pitt and George Clooney's movies are cinematic genius.
The hubby and I do not like a lot of the same movies - well, maybe half, if I'm being generous.  But we make no bones about this.  I will not watch Pineapple Express with him and I do not expect him to watch La Vie en Rose with me - and, again, we're both fine with this.  Why would you feel the need to lie about something as trivial as your reasons for seeing (or not seeing) a movie?  I told the hubby flat out that half the reason I totally loved the new Star Trek movie was because Chris Pine is soooooo damn hot.

6. What puffy undereye circles?
I.e. Men lie about their own appearances so as to not appear vain and "girly".  Yeah, my hubby is pomo (postmodern) in that way.  He obsesses about zits way more than I ever will.  He will happily obsess over any facial concern until I tell him to just get it over with and put a bag on his head.

7. I love wine and cheese night, too.
This one is based on the premise that "most men would rather crack a cold one and watch the game in a ratty pair of sweatpants than go to your best friend's for fondue."  Wrong.  1 - The hubby's "cold one" better be a Dr. Pepper or he's seriously not interested.  2 - He would never own a ratty pair of sweats.  He gets new pajama pants if his current ones get a hole.  3 - He loves fondue.  4 - He thinks I'm fun when I've had some wine.

8. I'm not hurt, just angry.
For better or for worse, the hubby freely tells me when he's hurt.  I'm the one who tends to say I'm angry when I'm actually hurt.  I find it difficult to be vulnerable enough to say I've allowed myself to get hurt.  (Yes, we have had many discussions about how I am "the man" in the marriage.)

9. I don't care what you think.
Really?  Seriously?  I mean, duh.  What kind of person doesn't care what their partner or spouse thinks?  The article says men thrive on their partner's approval.  I think "thrive" is a bit strong.  Don't we all want our partner's approval most of the time?  Sure, there are times we go against it, but hopefully not for huge things that affect the partner.  The hubby and I have a very good understanding of when we have input and when we don't.  I'd say that 95% of decisions are open to discussion.

10. I need to go golfing, bowling, or [insert requisite man activity here]to work on my game.
The concern here is that your poor man doesn't get enough me-time.  Per AOL (and I really love quoting this one): "Men have more independent needs, and women are more relationship-oriented."  Unless we've just met, you already know that I am the one constantly looking for me-time and the hubby wants us to spend more time together.  It's a balance we're continually working on (and it's working super well right now).  But regardless of which partner it is, why aren't you just saying you need some time to yourself?  Why does this need a lie?

11. I'm not a crier.
Puh-leese.  All men cry.  I've seen the hubby cry - and not just out of pure joy at the Star Trek film.  We've both cried during arguments and after our dogs died.  Human beings cry in response to strong emotions.  Why must there be a stigma to that?

12. Primary breadwinner? Piece of cake.
This winner tells us that men feel pressure about being the primary breadwinner and how they like to have total control of the finances, but that this, too, is stressful.  *sigh*  All this with NO acknowledgment that women can be the primary breadwinner.  I am the breadwinner in our family and, while it isn't traditional, it's a situation we're both fine with.  My career is important to me and, more importantly, I enjoy it.  Does this mean that sometimes I get stressed out about what would happen if I lost my job because a larger chunk of our financial responsibilities and health insurance are my responsibility?  Most absolutely.  Do I walk around saying it's all a piece of cake?  No - but I might if it ever crossed my mind.  Sure, we're always struggling with money, but it's a work in progress between both of us and we're totally honest with one another with what we earn, what we save, what we spend, and how we feel about how the other one spends.  There's no other way for us to be.

13. I thought you were thinking that.
What?  Men can't read minds?  Men and women speak so differently that it's like, oh I don't know, men are from Mars and women are from Venus?  You don't say!  This gem tells us to say, "Give me a kiss when you come from work" instead of "You never pay attention to me."  Really?  Being straightforward and sweet instead of a bitching harpie actually works?  I'll have to try that sometime.

I think a lot of these issues have to do with confidence.  If you have confidence in yourself as someone who knows reasonably well how to interact with people and treat a partner, you shouldn't find a need to lie.  If you love your partner, you should respect them by not lying to them.  If you respect yourself as a human being, you should be able to handle all of these things (1-13) like an adult and, when you need help, admit you need help.  The thing I love most about marriage is feeling like half of a very special, exclusive team.

Gay marriage and beyond?

I work a later shift today, so I had some time this morning to read emails and watch a little TV before heading to work.  I watched a little of the Today show, but then they were heading into the dreaded fourth hour with Hoda and Kathie Lee, so I very quickly switched over to Tyra. She was doing a show about LGBT issues.  Since I only got to watch about five minutes of it, I don't know what issues she went in to, but what I did get to see was that she divided up her audience by sexual orientation.  Each audience member was wearing a shirt that said "straight" "gay" or "?". 

Question mark?  Seriously?  For a show that's supposed to be enlightened, that's just wrong. Then Tyra launched into a montage that compared the gay rights movement to the civil rights movement, which I feel is an accurate comparison (although I've seen plenty of angry arguments stating that it's not).  You don't choose to be gay just as much as you don't choose to be black.  Both groups have a history of high imprisonment, prejudice, and persecution.  And, of course, there is the joint issue of marriage. I know that in some parts of the country or in some circles, biracial marriage still receives looks and comments and even hate mail (ask Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel, sadly). 

However, in my experience, it is not much of an issue but I have run into prejudice in my own family.  I once had a boyfriend who was Indian and dark-skinned and I was thinking about bringing him to a family wedding.  When I mentioned this to a family member, they said, "Okay, but everyone is going to think he's black"  as if that statement alone explains everything.  So what if they think he's black?  Oh no, wait, so what if he IS black?  It was aggravating and saddening, but it was a number of years ago now and I do believe that there has been progression within my own family.

I am in favor of gay marriage and I believe that most, if not all, of my immediate family is, as well.  My parents are religious and spiritual (there is a difference between the two, but they are both); however, they are also very accepting of "the gay lifestyle", for lack of a better phrase. 

I don't believe marriage is a religious institution and the people who frame it as one are being incredibly historically myopic.  Marriage, if you truly look at it historically, is a financial institution.  Women were property and came with property as well.  Period.  The idea of marrying for love is relatively new in the expanse of human experience (however, with US tax laws and benefits rights, it's also still strongly a financial arrangement).

So, if we are still relatively new in the process of defining marriage as an institution of love, then why are we defining it in terms of who we love?  I did not grow up and choose to be straight.  There was no day where I went, "Yes, I have decided - I shall be attracted to males."  I don't believe being gay is any different.  As my mother says, it's hard to imagine that someone would choose something so societally difficult on purpose. What I am left to wonder, though, is what the next step will be.  No, I do not equate gay marriage with marrying your pets or whatever other cockamamie idea the anti-gay marriage people have come up with.  However, I am personally aware of some three-person relationships.  Often, two of the people are married and the third lives with them as a boyfriend or girlfriend to either one or both of the married persons.  This is not a situation I can picture for myself (I've got my hands full with just a husband, lol) but I've seen enough people truly happy in this situation that I feel that I cannot judge it as wrong for any moral or personal reasons.  As long as all involved adults are happy and satisfied, who am I to butt in?  And, more so, why would I want to?

But what happens when a polyamorous couple, err, group (? we need words for this) wants to get married?  This thought crossed my mind a few days ago and has been dancing around in my head.  I haven't come to any conclusion on it yet.  I do lean towards inclusiveness in life in general but I haven't been able to figure out how this would work legally or socially.  Once gay marriage is more of a norm and allowed through most of the states (which I believe is coming), I think this might be one of our next social issues, although I don't know how much traction it will have since the numbers for this are probably significantly smaller than the ones for those with a stake in gay marriage (not that numbers should matter, but it will regarding press coverage). Sometimes I fear for the open dialogue in this country.  It feels like people just want to shut down ideas and topics they don't like instead of actually discussing them and hoping to learn something or educate someone else.  I hope this feeling passes and that everyone relaxes and has more conversations (instead of shouting matches) going forward.

People talk about my husband.

Yesterday's flight home from Miami was a bit bumpy.  As the hubby said, "As soon as we got over Jersey, we hit a punch of potholes."  My poor hubby was already feeling kind of nauseous even before we took off, so the bumpy ride didn't help.

We were seated next a nice, 95 year old man whose wife was seated across the aisle, next to my parents.  After we landed and were done taxiing (the right spelling, I promise) to the gate, my mom called to my  husband and said, "Hey, help him with his overhead bag."  (My hubby probably would have already helped him but was sitting with his eyes closed and taking deep breaths, trying not to blow chunks.)  So the hubby got up and unloaded the man's carry-on bag.  The man turned to him and said, "Thank you.  Do you know that in my 95 years, no one has ever helped me with my bag?"  So the hubby says, "Well, then I apologize for all the people before me."  Awww.

So after what feels like three years at the gate, we finally get off the plane (I haaaate sitting in the back of the plane) and my mom and I make a beeline for the women's room where, of course, there is a line out the door.  We're standing there when one young woman (probably about 20 years old) in front of us starts relaying the story to her friend.  She gets to the end and says, "And so the guy said, 'Well, then I apologize for everyone before me.'  Awww, isn't that sweet!  What a great guy!"  It took all of my willpower not to tap her on the shoulder and go, "Yep, that's my husband.  He really is pretty awesome."

Yum, yum, give me some (more!)

From the 101 in 1001 list: 5. Learn five new healthy dinner recipes. (1/5)

Wednesday night's "Are we really going to try and have a baby?" conversation occurred over one of the yummiest homemade dinners I have had in quite a while.  One of my coworkers recently subscribed to Cooking Light and lets me peruse her issues once they come in (the cost of buying magazines really adds up).  Well, the most recent article included that yummy strawberry cake that I made into cupcakes as well as a recipe for Chicken Scaloppine with Sugar Snap Peas, Asparagus, and Lemon Salad. 

The recipe is super simple and you'll only need to buy a few things for it: chicken, sugar snap peas, asparagus, and one lemon.  You probably have everything else around (chicken broth, butter, olive oil, white wine, salt, pepper). I left the recipe and the chicken broth it calls for on the counter and gave the hubby instructions to get the dinner started while I finished up at work and then stopped at the liquor store on the way home to pick up the wine  (it needs white and I only had red and blush at home). 

I was a bit nervous about the dinner since it's a lot of vegetables and no carb/starch side.  The hubby does enjoy some healthy foods but also has a weakness for some really disastrously bad-for-you foods. However, everything about this dinner was perfect.  The chicken was utterly delicious, as were the vegetables.  I am happy that both the hubby and I enjoy steamed asparagus because now it can join our regular vegetable repertoire and will go on the list of foods we will most definitely be feeding our kids because they will watch us enjoy it.  We both gobbled up this whole dinner (although we did make a smaller portion since it was just the two of us).

Even if you do not enjoy asparagus, I would strongly recommend trying this recipe.  The lemon and olive oil dressing on the chilled steamed vegetables is scrumptious, I promise.  I definitely plan on having this dinner at least several more times throughout the summer.

An email made me pause

A couple of days ago, I received an email that seemed normal, then startling, then fear-inspiring, then weird, then hopeful and happy.

What was it?

My regular tri-monthly reminder that it was time to renew my birth control prescription.

Totally on autopilot, I started thinking about what was in the bank and if I could afford to file the renewal at that moment.  Then it dawned on me: I wasn't going to be renewing the Rx because we're actually going to TRY and conceive instead of actually working to AVOID conception. Whoa.

So over dinner last night, I started with, "Uh, so, I got this email..." and ended with, "So, uh, are we really going to start trying?  Like, do I really not renew the prescription?"  And it turns out, after all this time of the hubby being more sure about this than me, now I'm the one who's more sure and he's the one who's a bit scared - not scared in the "no, we should wait" way but in the "wow, having kids at any time is going to be scary" way. 

We talked about our plans for the apartment and I told him about the recent Momversation episode about birth plans and what I think mine would consist of.  We talked about how a baby would fit into our lives - or what I think our lives will look like a year from now - all while kind of laughing in my head because I know it's not that you fit a baby into your life - it's that you fit your life around the baby. I definitely think there's something to timing and feeling that you're ready.  I used to hate shows like A Baby Story and mommy blogs... and now I can't get enough of mommy blogs and have caught myself watching an episode or two of A Baby Story.  Meanwhile, I no longer have the patience for wedding/bridal-related shows and sites, something I couldn't get enough of this time last year.

Life is a beautiful, scary, awe-inspiring journey.  There are so many great things one can do in life: travel, learn, explore, ponder, love... but there's nothing as unretractable (is that a word?) and permanent as having a child, which is probably why it's so fear-inspiring to those not yet initiated and such a constant and glowing topic of conversation amongst those who have.  We're not trying yet (really, not yet - I promise) but I'm definitely more excited about the prospect than I ever have been before.  Still scared, but kind of in a good way.