7 Quick Tuesday Takes - links edition

For this week's 7 Quick Tuesday Takes, I want to highlight some sites that I have recently stumbled across in my web browsings and am now totally in love with and addicted to.

1. Tumblr
What is Tumblr?  It's another social networking site, sort of.  It's kind of like a mix between Wordpress and Twitter.  It functions like Twitter in that you post a list of things which can be random and only related by the fact that you posted them.  You can have your blog feed in; you can link to Twitter, post pictures, links, anything.  How it functions for me is that it lets me post nifty or interesting things I find that I don't want to clog up Wordpress or Twitter with (even though I'm having Tumblr feed to Twitter, hm).  So far I'm enjoying it; we'll see where it goes.

2. The Sartorialist
Simply stunning fashion photography.  It's inspirational to me that there are people out there really trying to, as I see it, make themselves into art.  If we were food, they'd be five star cuisine and I'd be Wendy's.  Must work on this.

3. The Daily Puppy
Every day brings a new photo of an utterly adorable puppy that I want to take home and just hug until I fall asleep.  Seriously cute stuff (way cuter than Cute Overload, even).

4. This Week's Menu
This blog features the details and photos of the writer's (Andrea) meal plan for the week.  The photos are always beautiful and the food sounds totally scrumptious.  I envy the people who make a serious, full-week meal plan on a regular basis.  Must adopt that life skill.  (The first post on the page as of this blog entry is for Shells and White Cheddar with Fresh Corn, Thyme and Burst Tomatoes.  Excuse me while I lick my monitor.)

5. Pajamas and Coffee
This writer and mother of four is totally hilarious - AND she named her blog after two of my very favorite things in life.  (One day when I am at a loss for blog topics, I will post about my obsession with pajamas.)  Just go to her About Me Page (amusingly titled, "Who are you? Who? Who?") and read the descriptions of the "players" in her blog (i.e. her family members) to get a glimpse into her humor.  I haven't gone back and read old posts yet, but I will be at some point soon.

6. Mighty Girl
Yes, another Mommy Blogger (found her through Momversation) - but she and her blog are so much more than that, actually.  The whole picture is that she's Mighty Maggie - and she has the Mighty Closet, a great number of things to say, and the Mighty Life List (kind of like a 101 in 1001/bucket list) - which has recently been picked up and sponsored by Intel, no kidding!  Lucky gal!  Her pictures are great; her clothes are great; her ideas are interesting - what more could you want from a blog?

7. Food & Fizz
People submit their food and beverage photos to this site, then the site owners choose the best and post them daily.  They have a really helpful food tag cloud that lets readers find the posts that interest them or you could just click "Randomize" and see what you get.  It's an adventure every time! So I hope this was helpful and interesting and that you find at least one new site to read, explore, and possibly follow.

Note: I view all of these blogs (and many, many more) by using Google Reader.  No, Google is not paying me or forcing me or even encouraging me to point you their way (but, boy, wouldn't that be great to be paid by Google?).  Still, I highly, highly suggest that you get yourself logged in to Google Reader and use it to manage all the blogs you read. The bonus is that every day when you wake up, you get to log in to your Google Reader and see who's posted new blog entries.  It's like a little list of presents waiting for you, every day!  (Seriously, that is how it feels.  It's wonderful.)

Happy reading!

A woman's life through her clothes

16. Read 30 books I haven't read before. (11/30)

Love, Loss, and What I Wore
written and illustrated by Ilene Beckerman

This is a truly charming little book. Ms. Beckerman traces her life from the 1940s to the present through her clothing, from her Brownie uniform to the clothes her granddaughter plays dress-up in. There is something so magical about women's clothing from the 40s and 50s; her descriptions are absolutely enthralling (if you're interested in the history of women's fashion). She talks about her t-strap shoes and Revlon nail polish, her crinoline and her 70s pantsuit.

This book made me wish I had such a personal relationship with my clothing (her mother made most of her clothing when she was a child) and I couldn't help but think about how we are now so removed from the clothing we buy (just like we're so removed from the food and other necessities we buy). I borrowed this book from the library and read it while I did laundry at the laundromat tonight - and I only needed half the time at the laundromat to read it. It's definitely the sort of book you read and the re-read slowly, perhaps not even in order, finding your favorite outfits again and letting them spur you on to remembering some of your favorite outfits and where you were and what happened when you wore them.

MeMe me me meeeee . . . Award!

The lovely Lori at I Can Grow People has bestowed a MeMe Award upon me.  What is a MeMe?  (Other than a really fun thing to say over and over again, pretending that you're an opera singer warming up at the Met?)

Basically, I have to share seven things with my readers that they (you!) don't know about me and then choose seven of my readers to pass the MeMe Award onto. Let me tell you, this is harder than it seems!  I'm a pretty open person, so there isn't a lot that I'm hiding (and what I'm hiding, I'm hiding for good reason!).  I've spent the past two days trying to think of things that I haven't mentioned before AND are even slightly, remotely interesting.  It's harder than it first seems, but here goes!

1. I have a wretched memory.  There probably isn't a day that goes by that my husband doesn't pick on me for this.  I don't remember anything before I was five years old and don't have solid, great memories until age ten or so.  Beyond that, I don't remember recent things, either.  I like to chalk this up to space conservation; I remember what is important to me.  I like to point out to my husband that he may remember taking apart and reassembling his mother's toaster at age 3, yet he doesn't remember to pick up his socks on a daily basis.  I'd rather pick up my laundry than remember my toddler years.

2. I sort of proposed to my husband before he proposed to me.  We had discussed getting engaged/married but I was still gun-shy about the whole she-bang.  But one day at lunch I told him that I believed we should get married.  After lunch we went and picked out a ring together, which he then took home and proposed to me with two weeks later - longest two weeks EVER!  (Especially the whole "pretending I didn't know about it" to my family part.)

3. Pregnancy grosses me out.  I successfully avoided touching any pregnant bellies until my sister-in-law forced me to touch hers last year.  Just thinking about it makes me want to gag.  I recognize that the creation of life is pretty amazing and the whole process is kind of like a fun science experiment; I just wish I didn't have to be the petri dish.  (No, I'm not pregnant and, no, we're not trying yet.  I'm just surrounded by pregnant women and infants lately so it's always on my mind.)  It doesn't help that....

4. I am a mommy blog addict.  I religiously follow Momversation and a bunch of mommy bloggers, most notably Girls Gone Child (the amazing Rebecca Woolf - yes, I'm still obsessed), Dooce, and Mighty Girl.  Between them and the experiences of my real-life friends and relatives with babies, I have to seriously bite my tongue sometimes around moms because I want to offer my opinion on baby-raising, but feel unqualified to because I'm not actually a mom - just an aunt and avid reader.  I try to take my mommy blog knowledge and use it to make myself a more understanding friend to my mom friends.  Hopefully someday it also helps make me a good mom.

5. I feel like I've lost my personal style.  I think I had more style before my gastric bypass than I do now because now I'm sad about how I look, whereas then it was just a fact of my life that hadn't ever been any different.  I was developing a fun style, I think, when I was thin but then I started gaining weight and it all ended.  I actually feel now like one of those people who's given up, something I'd never guess of myself.  I don't have the money to go out and buy anything, much less all the things it would take for me to feel better about how I put myself together every day, so I'm doing a lot of thinking lately about how I can turn this situation around.

6. You do not want to have anything to do with me if I have not had my morning coffee.  Seriously.  The hubby even bought me a sticker for my car that says, "Give me coffee and no one gets hurt."

7. My graduate thesis was on Harry Potter.  I figured that if I was going to write a 60 page paper, it was going to be on something I didn't mind living and breathing day in and day out for a whole semester.  Long story (paper) short, the argument in it is that many of Harry's decisions and actions are subconsciously based on his orphan status and how he's always looking to recreate the family he lost, even sometimes to the detriment of the other characters.

Ta-da!  Don't you feel so informed now?  And now it is time for me to pass on the MeMe Award to seven blogger readers I'd love to hear more from and think you should check out:

1. "D" at Delightfully Sweet - One of the best home chef/bakers I know.  I really envy her kitchen abilities and absolutely love her food photography.

2. Amy at My Right To Dream - One of my dearest friends and a constant source of inspiration, comfort, and humor.  One of the most giving and accepting people I have ever met.

3. Erin at Thirty-Something - I love Erin's blog because everything she writes about is so interesting and her voice is so clear.  I really feel like she puts her own self out there in her writing, but without ever over-sharing or being boring.  Her concerns (family, career, home, life) are all so close to my own, so perhaps I'm a bit biased.

4. Tara at Tara SG's 101 Mission - I love her 101 list.  She's always writing about and linking to great books, places, recipes, etc.  I particularly enjoy her goal of learning new French words and idioms.

5. Teanna at Spork or Foon - Is that not one of the best food blog titles?  She makes great food look easy AND beautiful.

Numbers 6 and 7.... could be YOU!  While I seem to get the same number of readers daily, with occasional spikes seemingly based on content or random events in the universe, I don't get a lot of comments (as much as I'd love many, many comments). So I throw this out to you, dear reader - take this MeMe Award and bestow it upon yourself!  I say that you can!  My only request is that if you do so based on this post, that you put a link to my blog in it so that it pings back and I can find the post.  Fair deal, right?  If you do this, I'll repost your link as #6 or #7.  :)

All together now: Meme me me me me meeeeeeee!  *glass cracks*  (Anyone else watch that episode of Mythbusters?)

I swore I wouldn't change...

But I've got some necessary revision to do.  Hell, I'm a writing teacher - revision is my life.

1. Lose 45 pounds (3/45) is now....  1. Lose 60 pounds (0/60).

I have not been in control of my eating and have made no attempt what-so-ever to get any sort of exercise or do any kind of physical activity, so more pounds are creeping on.  I got on the scale this morning and was absolutely horrified by what I saw, even though I just weighed myself two or three days ago.  I am out of control - meaning, I have relinquished control of my food intake and body's well-being... and I must do something about this.

There are a lot of reasons why I want to lose weight.  I can't fathom getting pregnant and putting on another 30 lbs and then having to lose ALL of that.  I want to be able to shop for semi-normal pregnancy clothes.  I want to currently fit into my old clothes.  I want to stop feeling tired.  I want to feel attractive and cute and sexy again.  I want to be proud of the shape that I'm in.  I want to be proud of the control I have over this lifelong habit and addiction.

Once again, I find Rebecca Woolf to be inspirational.  She is regularly 5'8" and a size 8 (damn lucky).  By the end of her first pregnancy, she was over 200 lbs.  She got up at 6am and went hiking every day to help work off the pregnancy weight (which was in the 190s by the time she got home from the hospital).  All that in the L.A. sun and heat.  Why can't I get off my ass and do something - anything! - when I don't have a newborn to take care of?

So this is it, intarwebs.  I'm making a change.  A revision.  I hate apologizing to myself every day.  I hate looking in my drawers and feeling depressed about the clothes I have and how they fit.  I hate how my back fat has grown back when, for a little while, I had a sloped back that I loved to look at. Without my snacks, I'm going to be mean.  Angry.  Sad.  Pissed.  Cranky.  But so is a junkie going through detox, which is really how I feel about this.  I have a habit that is detrimental to my health and plays with my brain chemistry and thought system.  No one but me can get it under control.

Rebecca Woolf is my Oprah (but like new and improved)

16. Read 30 books I haven’t read before and blog about them. (9/30)

Rockabye
by Rebecca Woolf

I promise to make a concerted effort not to squee all over this post.  As stated in my previous post, I have a massive girl-crush on Rebecca Woolf.

Rebecca, long story short:
*Living the cool life in L.A., party girl, scenester
*Pregnant at 23 by guy she'd been dating for a few months
*Kept the baby, got married at 5 months pregnant
*Named son Archer (such a cool name and such a cute kid)
*Writes an awesome blog, Girl's Gone Child, and writes/participates in other sites (Babble, Momversation, HuffPo)
*Now married around five years and has a second child, an overwhelmingly cute daughter named Fable

I said to a friend the other day that Rebecca Woolf is about five years younger than me but I want to be her when I grow up.  Unfortunately, some of it is too late.  It's too late to have a wild time that I won't regret later.  It's too late to pursue everything I want, throwing caution to the wind - and I'm cautious by nature, so that would have never worked.  But I envy that ability of hers. She's naturally beautiful, but also impeccably stylish.  She even posted a makeup tutorial on YouTube (confession: I've been trying her eyeshadow technique over the past two days and love it so far; I even bought new mascara and am going to try some MAC stuff when I have a bit of cash to spare).  It's unfair how pretty she still is when she doesn't yet have any makeup on.  I always feel beautiful when my husband says the same thing about me, but I think he just hasn't seen her without her makeup on (and I'm not sharing).

I found Rebecca through Momversation, which I found through Dooce (whose book, It Sucked And Then I Cried,  I will begin reading tonight).  Rebecca so intrigued me that I went back in her blog archives and read through her whole blog, starting at the first post.  This took a few days and when it was over, I was sad that I couldn't get a new Rebecca fix anytime I wanted. 

So, I read her book. The book reads just like the blog.  If you don't like blogs or Rebecca's in particular, you will not like this book.  She's the type of writer who is totally relatable and who you don't feel bad about agreeing or disagreeing with.  For example, I have always hated the idea of L.A.  I've never been there - drove by it once, but that's it.  As a die-hard NYC fan, I do not have a pleasant opinion of L.A.  Rebecca changed that, though.  I have a respect for the city and those who live there that I didn't before.  I still don't love it, but can really understand why some do.

Rebecca's struggle is the balance of motherhood and individuality and independence - a struggle I have always anticipated myself having.  Her words have quieted many of my fears about wanting to have it all, although I take issue with her claim at the end of the book that one can have it all.  I think that it's been a bit easy for her (though she would laugh heartily at that claim) because she's driven, resourceful, and mainly a really talented writer who's had professional experience writing since she was a teenager.  Not everyone is lucky enough to have their one great talent be one that allows them to work from home - AND not everyone who has a talent like that has the luck or opportunity to make it work out that way.  It helps when you're beautiful and young, too.

But it all only makes me love her more.  She doesn't take anything for granted and feels very lucky to have what she does.  (Did I mention yet that her husband is hot, too?  Yeah, the luck.)  I even envy the names she chose for her children: Archer and Fable.  I'm seriously considering stealing the name Fable because it is the best female name I have heard in a long time.  I worry, though, that I'm just not cool enough to have a daughter named Fable... or that one day, should I be so lucky as to meet Rebecca, I'd have to fess up to stealing the name.  That would suck and ruin any chance at friendship, I'm sure.  (But in this instance, I swear to all that exists, imitation really would be the sincerest form of flattery.)

The thing about Rebecca is that she's truly inspirational.  This is going to sound crazy and beyond cheesetastic, but I feel like I've become a better person just in time since I read her blog and her book.  I feel funnier and kinder and happier.  I feel like she has so much gratitude for everything that it can't help but seep out and that some of it landed on me.  And what, for a writer, could be better than to be able to create change and affect a person?  Not much (other than maybe massive book sales).  And it's not that type of icky, annoying "I keep a gratitude journal" gratitude.  It's naked and honest and sometimes raw, but always beautiful.

So, you know, I know she and I aren't ever going to become BFF or something, but she's changed my outlook in a way that only those types of people can, which is incredible.  And she friended me on Facebook, so yeah, we're like already on the road to being BFF anyway.

One last thing... The last line of Rockabye: I twist my ring and it sparkles in the light of Archer's bedroom and everywhere I look there are rainbows. I don't know if she did this on purpose - she is a writer, so I do suspect she knows this poem - but, for me, this totally chimed of the last lines of Elizabeth Bishop's poem, "The Fish": everything was rainbow, rainbow, rainbow! (Full text of the poem here.  Do yourself a favor and read it; it's incredible.) Rebecca Woolf creates rainbows.

They're not haters, actually - you might just not be all that.

Source: flickr.com/photos/lunchbreath

Every morning, I check the same websites: my email, LiveJournal, Wordpress, Google Reader, The Daily Beast, and Huffington Post.  I skim through, reading bits here and there, and often full articles if I have the time and inclination (I would love to read more full articles, but it's just not always possible).

Well, there was a really interesting piece posted on The Daily Beast on Sunday titled "Do Narcissists Have Better Sex?"  The thrust of the article is that we have created a generation of narcissists (we're looking at you Gen Y/Millenials) thanks to all the "Don't let anyone tell you you're wrong" "You can do anything you want" parenting and pop culture incentives that have happened over the past two decades or so.  This has lead to a whole generation of people who feel entitled to feel good about themselves at all times and who believe that anyone who tries to intimate that they might, just might, have things they might want to work on is a hater and the sort of person who likes to make other people feel terrible, just for sport.

I often read articles that I semi-agree or semi-disagree with, but every now and again I go, "Yes!  This!  Exactly this!"  This is one of those times.  I think the article's author, Hanna Seligson, has hit a very big nail right on its shiny, glaring head.  There might be a sentence or two that I take issue with, but I agree with her overall idea and postulations. I have been frustrated by this phenomenon but her article was able to put it into words in a way that I have found myself unable to do. 

It started back in 2003 when I was planning my sister's bridal shower and had an unpleasant run-in with one of the bridesmaids, a particularly bitchy and narcissistic blonde who accused me of overcharging them for the room rental so that I could make a profit on the shower (meanwhile, I had easily covered $1000 worth of expenses that they didn't contribute to).  What proceeded was a particularly nasty back-and-forth over email, during which I wrote things that I never believed I could actually say, especially to someone directly, and have since promised myself I would never say/write to someone again.  I insulted her commitment to her friendship with my sister and her overall intelligence... a few times over.  I don't remember most of what she said, but I clearly remember that she gave me the "People like you just like to take people like me down" line.

That line stands out in my memory because it was one of my first encounters with this sort of thinking.  First, I was put off by the binary.  People like me = older, fat, (then) dateless, loser.  People like her = naturally thin, blonde, super pretty, popular, mean because she can be.  It was simply crazy to me that someone "like me" was trying to take down someone "like her".  It was a total reverse of the standard power structure and so crazy that I couldn't understand where it was coming from. Now I know, though.  It was all that namby-pamby, give everyone a trophy for showing up stuff that's been going on for a while now and is a huge support system to the current reality show production system.  I watch some reality television, but I have very little patience for and tend not to watch the shows where when someone gets voted off, they go into the standard, "They made a mistake/they just don't 'get' me/you haven't seen the last of me/everyone will know my name/I'll be famous anyway" rant.  I'm sorry, snowflake, but odds are you won't be famous anyway unless you sell out that attitude and become a ridiculous farce of yourself. I'm so glad someone was able to put this into words. 

I hope more people take notice and there is an effort to work at reversing this trend.  Let's get back to trying to raise citizens that feel a responsibility to their communities and fellow people.

In my next life...

Serena and Blair... err... I mean Blake and Leighton...

I will be able to wear short shorts without my thighs hanging out like extra groceries or suffering the hobble-inducing effects of chub rub.

I will have the hair of a goddess (or the team of people it takes to create it).

I will be able to wear heels without wanting to cut my feet off at the ankles to stop the pain.

I will have boobs that stand at attention without the help of surgery.

I will not cover up my hotness with a long sleeved blazer in summer (or maybe ever).

I will have sultry eyes and a knowing smile.

But mostly, I will have those legs.  God, what I wouldn't give...  I'd wear hotpants to the supermarket.

Disclaimer: Yes, I know better than this.  I know to be happy with what I have.  I know that what I have is not inherently wrong just because the media says the picture above is the only correct way to look.  I am very well aware of that, but it doesn't stop me from wishing for all those things just like I wish for more money, a new puppy, and a diet Slurpee.

5 Ways to Love My Body by the End of Summer

Yes, most people strive to make their bodies summer-ready.  That is not my style.  One of the best parts of losing weight previously was feeling like I blended in when I started my M.A. program.  Now that I'm starting my new Ed.M. program this fall, I want to recapture that (and so much more). 

So here is my summer plan:

1. Be fresh (in my food choices, that is).
I always laugh when my sister tells her son that he's "being fresh" because it's such an old-fashioned phrase and notion to me.  But when it comes to diet, we really could use some more old-fashioned notions.  I have not been eating as I should be based on my previous surgery, dietary restrictions, and overall health and environmental concerns.  Specifically, I am going to: cut back on carbs, increase fruits and vegetables, and avoid packaged and processed food.  I had more energy, felt better, and my skin looked better when I lived this way before.

2. Drink more water.
I'm pretty good at drinking calorie-free beverages (iced tea mixes with Splenda, etc) but I think I need to decrease my caffeine intake and also continue to limit the number of chemicals going in my body.  If I'm going to drink tea, I should make it from actual tea bags. I had a plastic reusable bottle that I used regularly for the past year, but now I lost it.  However, that's a great excuse to buy a new reusable container and stop worrying about the plastic leeching into my water.  I have read that the creation of reusable aluminum bottles isn't any better for the environment (alas), but at least I won't be thinking about the chemicals leeching into the water.

3. Get on board with Jillian's 30 Day Shred.
I can't afford to join a gym and usually hate working out at home because the idea of the hubby seeing me do this just makes me want to shrivel up under the carpet (I embarrass easily).  The hubby and I are keeping the tightest of lids on the budget, but this retails for about $10 and so it has been deemed a reasonable purchase by joint decree. When I work out, I need a trainer who's a bit mean, but only because s/he cares and is passionate about his/her work... and that's Jillian.  I can't wait to go pick this up and get started on it.  Now that the hubby works a lot of nights, I can do this when I get home from work and shower before he even knows I looked like a gross mess a few hours earlier.

4. Detox to get back in touch.
No, I'm not going to be drinking some nasty lemon and maple syrup concoction.  This is not the diet version of a get-rich-quick scheme (one friend calls these "Crap Yourself Thin" diets). I will be going on the 5 Day Pouch Test.  As a gastric bypass patient, I have my stomach pouch as a dietary tool that I can either use or abuse.  As of late, I have not been kind to my poor little pouch and this pouch test will help me get back in touch with how it feels to be full and to treat my pouch gently.  It will have the added benefit of acting like a cleanse, starting to clear my system of the processed foods I've been eating. Ideally, I'd do this first but, unfortunately, life circumstances deem that I can't (too many family events in the next two weeks).  So, I will start this at the end of May and will repeat as necessary throughout June - August if I feel it's been helpful.  This will also have the added benefit of completing item #6 on my 101 in 1001 list.  If a friend of mine who also had WLS (weight loss surgery) is still willing to do this, I may even have a partner for it (which is always helpful).

5. Be present. (I.e. Treat my body like the gift that it is.)
One of the very best things about feeling healthy was feeling in tune with my body, like I was truly living in it for the first time in my life.  I knew its capabilities and limits, and how to push and extend those limits - and I did so, regularly.  I was also happy - not because I weighed under 200 lbs for the first time since I was 15, but because I felt good and because I was proud of what I accomplished and how I lived. The hubby and I bought the Wii Fit back in January but have yet to set it up and try it out!  I plan to set it up (err, well, have the hubby set it up) and then start using it regularly.  I have yet to do any yoga this year and I had hoped to do some at least once per month, so I'm quite behind - and I could use the relaxation and focus. So those are the five ways I'm going to be sure I love my body by the end of the summer.  In short, I'm going to be good to my body, treat it with respect, nourish it as it desires, and not let it languish. What do you do in order to love your body?

Can we stop making Anne Hathaway say she's fat?

This past weekend I watched Rachel Getting Married, the movie that Anne Hathaway was nominated for an Oscar for.  The hubby was working and I was enjoying a rare night at home alone with nothing to do so I borrowed this from the school library (free!) and settled in for the evening. 

(Side note: I'm so used to having a hundred things to do that I actually couldn't sit and watch the movie straight through.  I got up, cleaned the bathtub, baked cookies, cleaned the kitchen, and a few other small things, all while going back and watching a few moments of the movie, then pausing it to do something else.  I really need to learn how to just SIT and do one thing at a time, but that's not the main point today.)

In the film, Hathaway's character is fresh out of rehab and makes a point of saying several times how she's fat because rehab makes you fat.  Considering she's probably a size 6 (4?), this was annoying and aggravating.  Similarly, in The Devil Wears Prada, she is made fun of for being the "fat, ugly" girl because she's a size 6 (not 0/2) and doesn't wear designer labels daily.  Yes, this is a commentary on that particular realm and how a size 6 is nightmarishly fat for fashionistas like that, but it's still disconcerting and aggravating. 

Later in the film, she beams with pride as she informs Stanley Tucci's character that she's now a size 4.  In Bride Wars, Kate Hudson (!!) is the fat (!!) one.  *sigh* For the filming of The Devil Wears Prada, Hathaway said, "I was thin for my height. I basically stuck with fruit, vegetables and fish. I wouldn’t recommend that. Emily Blunt and I would clutch at each other and cry because we were so hungry."  That's pathetic - utterly sad and pathetic.  But she's also said, "I've had directors say to me, 'You're the best actress for the role, but you've put on weight recently.' If people can't understand you've put on five pounds, I don't want to deal with them." 

I hope she expands this idea to no longer taking rolls that force her to say she's fat, even if the film is trying to make a point (because I don't think either Rachel or Prada accurately make the point that she's NOT fat). Can we please recognize that actresses who are thinner than one of my thighs are NOT fat?  Can we please write films for them that don't ask them to state that they are?  Can we please write films that don't explain fat as a state that comes about from eating too much chocolate or going off of drugs?  Can it not be an automatic personal failure?

By the way, as I type this and have Hathaway's IMDB page open, there is a Slim Fast ad running down it's side proclaiming that you, too, can kick your cupcake habit if you join the Slim Fast plan.  Oh, yes, of course - why didn't I think of that?  A small shake in a can would be SO much more fulfilling than a hearty salad or bowl of soup or light sandwich for lunch.  That must be why I'm fat.  Or maybe it's the drugs I quit taking or all the chocolate I eat. I don't mind commentary about what is/is not fat in films.  In fact, I welcome it.  However, what I object to is clearly thin actresses having to play the fat role because they're a size 6 instead of a 2.  I know we're not used to looking at normal sized women on screen, but how about we use a size 10 as the normal woman, even though size 14 is the norm?  Or wait, I know - how about we properly represent the full range of sizes and shapes women come in?  If I lined up all the women I see regularly, you would see a full range of heights, weights, and fitness.  You'd see thin and out of shape and you'd see plus-sized and in shape.  You'd see tall, short, thin, heavy, average, pudgy, slouchy, insecure, bold, casual, dressy, stylish, and style-challenged women.  And I hate when people say things like this and then close with, "But they're all beautiful" - but guess what?  They are.  They are beautiful on the inside AND the outside.  They are all loved and treasured by the people who know them.  They do wonderful things for people.  They work hard at their jobs.  They raise precious, loving children.  They are fierce competitors.  They're nerds and geeks, shopaholics and spendthrifts, great cooks and kitchen disasters.  What they are not are women who need to be continually told that a size 6 is fat.  They ARE beautiful, so there.

We've got style, how 'bout you?

My friend Danielle at Delightfully Sweet reads/skims many, many blogs and websites (so many that I wonder how she has time to do all the things she does - I'm beginning to think she has a Harry Potter time turner):

(Remember, Hermione uses it to get to more classes?  You find out about it in book/movie three, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.)

Anyway (before I go on a Harry Potter tangent), I, too, look at a lot of sites and some blogs (although not nearly as many, it seems).  I find myself too disparaged at times by other people's style and abilities.  I wonder why I can't dress like that, why I don't have the money for certain things, why I don't have the time to cultivate the hobbies and activities that other people do.  I love that people share so much of themselves and their lives online, but I'm always curious for more information.  Just how do they manage to look so good, have that picnic, write that book, raise that kid, film that show, take those pictures, cook those dinners.  I don't have time to cultivate a photography habit, write a book, go food shopping, cook a nutritious and inexpensive dinner, have a kid, raise that kid, dress him or her cutely, dress me cutely, have great hair, be witty, relax, read great books - and on, and on, and on.  These are all things I want to do, but I'm wondering if everyone has to pick and choose.

It reminds me of those birth control commercials where the family has several kids, goes skiing, moves to Memphis and the mother hopes to "finish a book, finish a sentence!"  And then they go on to have a very cute little girl after going off the birth control.  There should be other types of control.  I don't have time to perfect my dinner making, so I should be on "dinner control" - what I do for dinner shouldn't count towards my weight and nutrition until I'm ready to direct my energy toward it.  Or "hair control" - my hair will always look good (just not great) until I have the time and money to get my color done and spend a little more time on my hair in the morning.

I'll admit it: I'm a control freak.  There, I said it.  Type A, all the way.  Perhaps that's why I feel like I should be able to have it all and do it all, even though I recognize that's nearly impossible.  But the promise of it keeps me striving, keeps me working at being a better wife, cook, friend, sister, daughter, and most importantly, a better me.

I will keep avoiding certain websites, though, because they make me feel too inadequate... and I'm not going to stop wishing for a time turner.

Fat is a Feminist Issue and Bodies

16. Read 30 books I haven’t read before (in addition to the above) and blog about them. (3 & 4)

#3 - Fat Is a Feminist Issue by Susie Orbach

I decided to read this book because I wanted to read Orbach's new book, Bodies (#4 below).  Orbach is a renowned feminist author and scholar, although I have to admit I was not specifically familiar with her work.  However, after reading this book, I realized that I was so familiar with it that it was actually all a given in my life.  This book was initially published in 1978 and hailed as revolutionary at the time.  As I'm reading it, all I could think was, "Really?  This is new?"  It's hard for me to think that during my own lifetime, some/all of what was written in this book was true.  There's a lot about how women are raised to be subservient and quiet and not plan to work.  I read that and thought, "Ha!  Like who?"  But as I read on, I realized that I am fortunate enough to be raised in the evolution and aftermath of this scholarship.  I was not raised to be subservient to a man - quite the opposite, actually.  I was raised to expect not just to work, but to have a career. The book talks about how being fat is a symptom of how women are treated in American/British society, and for certain this is true, but a lot has changed since this book was written.  At times, it was hard to get through because it is just that dated.  However, I was reading it as a foundation for the new book, so it worked perfectly for that purpose.

#4 - Bodies by Susie Orbach

This book talks about how the idea of the body has changed and continues to change in contemporary society.  It talks about how biology is no longer destiny, how people believe cosmetic surgery can fix any aspect of their lives, and how the urge to "fix" one's body is really a symptom of so much more.  This was a really interesting read for me since I have taken drastic steps to change my body - and I have failed to maintain the change, even though I thought I knew what I was signing on for.  This book really led me to think a lot about how I think about my body, why I want to change it - specifically why do I want to lose weight.  It also made me think a lot about the bridal industry (although it's not really specifically mentioned, but who doesn't know a dozen women who all lost or tried to lose weight for wedding) and about how people I know treat their bodies and the food they intake.

It's hard for me not to be judgmental about the way people fuel and feed themselves (and their families, if they have them).  But perhaps a lot of that judgmental energy is because I feel I am unable to fuel and feed myself the way I know I would like to.  But I still feel that there are a good number of people I know who would strongly benefit from some of the knowledge and ideas in this book (and in Michael Pollan's In Defense of Food, another favorite of mine that I read before starting the 101 project).

In the end, I can only be responsible for myself and, at best, lead by example.  I know that I feel better - happier - when I am in control of my diet; and by "in control" I don't mean the sort of control that is restrictive and harmful.  I often feel out of control in regards to food, like it is this feature in my life that has a shadowy power over me.  When I am confident that I am eating a healthy diet - one that is balanced and helps me build and maintain a strong body and energy - I feel better overall.  This is my food goal.  I was there once, briefly.  I can get there again.

Growing (up)

Call me a glutton for punishment, but I've decided to do another NaBloPoMo.  This month's theme is "Growing (Up)" and I think it could prove to be interesting so I've decided to jump on board.

Even though I'm 33, I sometimes feel barely older than 25.  I actually forget my age sometimes and have to pause and think when someone asks me how old I am.  The grandmother I get my middle name from actually did forget how old she was later in life and one year, on her birthday, asked my dad how old she was.  When he told her, she said, "What?  Why didn't anyone tell me I was that old?!"  That will totally be me should I be lucky enough to make it to my 80s.

One way that I have recently been feeling more like a grown-up, though, is physically.  I've had a few aches and pains lately that I would have been able to shrug off even just a year ago.  I pulled a muscle in my neck a week and a half ago and it's still a bit sore.  Two years ago, it would have been fine after a day or two, tops.  The other day, I had some lower back pain at the end of our trip to Baltimore; I have no idea why.  I'm also tired all time - seriously, nearly ALL the time.  And I LOOK older.  Seriously.  I was looking at Mike and Tracy's wedding album this weekend.  As I mentioned, I was in the wedding party, so I was in a bunch of pictures and I couldn't get over how young and refreshed I look in the photos (and they were married in December 2007).

I had to wonder - what's done this?  My skin looks worse now; my eyes are far more tired - even though the time around their wedding was crazy busy for me.  Did my last semester in grad school (right after their wedding) just tank my youth?  That semester was craziness - I planned my sister's baby shower, took my comprehensive exam, wrote my thesis, chaired a panel in CA, and went to Ireland.  Granted, I enjoyed all of that, but it was hard work and I was very busy (I was also teaching).  Did I suddenly just age?

Perhaps.  But I think there are other factors.  I didn't eat well when I was in grad school, but I think I actually ate better than I do currently.  I also got a lot more sleep.  I didn't get much more physical activity, but I also didn't sit behind a desk for eight hours a day.  I think these factors are the largest in my sudden facial aging and constant sleepiness.

So, as a... grown-up... I guess I have to do something about this.  The hubby and I are close to breaking even on the budget; that is to say by the end of the month we shouldn't ahave to juggle bills anymore and should be able to buy groceries outside of the "10 for $10" sale.  We've been eating a lot of pasta, which is not the norm for me, and not a lot of vegetables, which is bad.  Once our finances are a stable, I'm going into menu planning mode.  We will have a weekly menu that we will shop for on the weekend and so we'll be ready for meals during the week.  This way I can also plan out some salads and things and make sure I have veggies and healthy lunches, too.  I need to buy vitamins, too.  I was doing well with my 101 list item of taking a multi, iron, and calcium daily - until I ran out and couldn't afford more.

My skin has been revolting, too.  I need to get on track with proper nutrition and drinking water so my skin clears up AND looks refreshed.  I also think I need more sleep but I'm already getting in bed at 11pm.  Going to bed any earlier will cut into the time I spend relaxing after I get home and taking care of little things.  Two nights a week I get home at 8:30 and one night at 7:30.  I'm supposed to get home at 8:30, eat dinner, do a few things around the apartment, and then go straight to bed?  As it is, I can't even find time to read lately... but something needs to change.  I think if I start eating better and drinking more water, it'll help me to start feeling less tired.  I can work on the sleep and exercise issues.  One thing to tackle at a time.

I actually care about my own personal nutrition.  How grown up.

"What we think or what we know
or what we believe is, in the
end, of little consequence.
The only consequence is what we do."

- John Ruskin

Things I miss Friday

What did I miss last Friday?  I missed posting what I miss.  I wasn't at my usual office and in and out of meetings, and then went home to get ready to have everyone over so there just wasn't any free posting time, alas.

What do I miss today?  My short hair:

{me & my godson a couple of years ago}

That isn't the shortest I've had it, but I like the picture (and it's one of the ones I'm taking with me to the hairdresser today).  After having gastric bypass, most patients experience hair loss.  My hair was (is) already thin, so losing more made it even thinner, but it was getting stronger at this point (and the dye actually helps it plump up).  I'm bringing this picture as proof that my hair can look like it has body and movement and not just lay in a straight, limp mass.

This Friday, I am fixated on my hair.  I grew it out for my wedding and could not wait to get it cut afterwards, which I did, although not without issue.  The issue?  My hairdresser went a little weird about a year or two ago and I just am not as comfortable going to him anymore.  This really is a problem because he's been doing my hair since 1997.  He knows my hair better than anyone else - what it will and will not do, how it takes color and cut, etc.  He had a nervous breakdown a year or two ago, though, and hasn't been the same since.  He was always a little off-the-wall but now it's to an extent that I don't enjoy going to get my hair done, which was always one of my happiest days.

I love the whole process - going to the salon, the color application, all the foil, the shampoo, reading under the dryer, the free coffee - just everything.  But he quit the salon and now works out of his mother's basement salon.  It's just not the same.  He's still great at hair, but the experience just isn't the same anymore.

So, I tried to find someone else to cut my hair short.  I took in a picture of a shaggy, bob-length cut.  What I got was a plain, regular bob.  I wanted something kind of choppy and with movement and instead I just got short-ish and straight.  So today I am trying yet another new hairdresser, a friend of a friend.  I'm bringing the picture above with me, along with the following two pictures of Katie Holmes from this month's Glamour:

I hope this stylist has enough technique to do this for me.  My hair is naturally quite straight, but as evidenced above, it CAN have a bit of wave and movement to it if cut properly (and if I use the right products and tools to style it, which I have at home).

So, I hope that as of tonight, I no longer miss having short hair the way I like it because I shall have it again.