The (afternoon) diary of a food addict

1:19pm  I can do this.  Food should not cause panic.  Soup does not require crackers.  Summon memory of smashing crackers in a restaurant as a toddler as a way to keep busy while the parents tried to enjoy a meal.  (Bad crackers!  *fist pound*  Bad crackers!)

1:42pm  I'm not sure how I'm supposed to complete a thought if I keep having to get up and go to the bathroom - and I'm only halfway through my water consumption for the day.  I hope I can sleep tonight without getting up 5x to pee.

1:45pm  Ow, what is that headache?  Caffeine withdrawal?  Hunger?  Pee pain?

1:48pm  Now that I peed, I feel hungry again... and I think the soup spice is burning in my ears.

1:59pm  I hate Audrina Patridge.

2:04pm  No, I hate all celebrities who say dumb things and reinforce bad body images and poor eating habits - like Fergie, who said, "I don't have a perfect figure, but I'm working with what I've got."  I think her body is pretty damn perfect, nevermind the fact that there is no such thing as a perfect figure.  Shame on her for all the girls and women who will look at her and then feel bad about themselves because Fergie is gorgeous but makes herself sound disfigured and ugly.

2:19pm  Pee.

2:20pm  Just remembered that I have to work until 6pm today instead of my usual 5pm.  Should have gone out for an hour at lunchtime.  I work right across the street from the mall; I could have gone there!  No, the mall has food.  Where am I supposed to go - everywhere has food?  There is no place for me.

2:27pm  Wow, just realized I'm not hungry!  Wow!  Awesome!

2:28pm  Realizing this has made me hungry.  Grrr brain.

2:40pm  I want a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  Just half of one.

3:00pm  Looking at my bracelet, I just realized this past March was my five year surgiversary.  I didn't even remember and definitely didn't have anything about it to celebrate.  That's bad - the five year marker is the biggee.  If you're good at five years, you're likely to be good for life.  Okay, so not yet for me.  Let's be happy on the six year surgiversary.

3:15pm  Pee.

3:16pm  I wish my brain would stop flashing pictures of cheese.

3:34pm  The iPod is playing "Everybody Hurts."  I want to make a sarcastic comment about the pain involved in a cheese and carb-free day, but the song is actually affecting me.  What I told Amy yesterday is so true: it's just not fair that some of us have to work this hard.  But we do it.

3:35pm  I need to start wearing waterproof mascara.

3:55pm  I'm almost out of water.  Oh crap.

3:57pm  Pee.

4:12pm  Suddenly FUCKING STARVING.  Stomach grumbling, mouth salivating, hungry.

4:14pm  Mm, soup.  I want to filter out all the barley and lentils and just eat them by themselves and pretend they're baked ziti.

4:28pm  I want a soft pretzel.  This might be the first time I'm glad there are no Wawa's around.

4:47pm  Doing okay.  Hunger and cravings are not an emergency.  Can wait for the next meal.  Feeling strangely powerful.

4:56pm  I feel like my brain has been turned on.  Good eating takes time, planning, and patience.  Duh.  I knew that!  Now I know it again.

Comments

[erin]

Good job this afternoon. Keep up the good work! :)