I swore I wouldn't change...
Saturday, June 20, 2009 at 12:23PM But I've got some necessary revision to do. Hell, I'm a writing teacher - revision is my life.
1. Lose 45 pounds (3/45) is now.... 1. Lose 60 pounds (0/60).
I have not been in control of my eating and have made no attempt what-so-ever to get any sort of exercise or do any kind of physical activity, so more pounds are creeping on. I got on the scale this morning and was absolutely horrified by what I saw, even though I just weighed myself two or three days ago. I am out of control - meaning, I have relinquished control of my food intake and body's well-being... and I must do something about this.
There are a lot of reasons why I want to lose weight. I can't fathom getting pregnant and putting on another 30 lbs and then having to lose ALL of that. I want to be able to shop for semi-normal pregnancy clothes. I want to currently fit into my old clothes. I want to stop feeling tired. I want to feel attractive and cute and sexy again. I want to be proud of the shape that I'm in. I want to be proud of the control I have over this lifelong habit and addiction.
Once again, I find Rebecca Woolf to be inspirational. She is regularly 5'8" and a size 8 (damn lucky). By the end of her first pregnancy, she was over 200 lbs. She got up at 6am and went hiking every day to help work off the pregnancy weight (which was in the 190s by the time she got home from the hospital). All that in the L.A. sun and heat. Why can't I get off my ass and do something - anything! - when I don't have a newborn to take care of?
So this is it, intarwebs. I'm making a change. A revision. I hate apologizing to myself every day. I hate looking in my drawers and feeling depressed about the clothes I have and how they fit. I hate how my back fat has grown back when, for a little while, I had a sloped back that I loved to look at. Without my snacks, I'm going to be mean. Angry. Sad. Pissed. Cranky. But so is a junkie going through detox, which is really how I feel about this. I have a habit that is detrimental to my health and plays with my brain chemistry and thought system. No one but me can get it under control.
Reader Comments (2)
Good luck, Candice. I know it's not easy. I lost 40 pounds several years ago. Now, several of them have been creeping back on and I'm not happy about it! I've been trying, unsuccessfully so far, to rectify the situation recently by making small lifestyle changes. So I will be on this ride with you.
Might I share two small pieces of advice? In terms of exercise, start small. Start walking. And then just keep walking more and more. I have found it's not too difficult (for me) to get the motivation to go for a walk and it does make a difference. I also found it gives me motivation to do more exercise.
Keep yourself honest. Have a good support system, and write everything down. Every bit of exercise, and everything you eat. I find when I write it all down, I see I've been eating more (or more poorly) than I thought I was.
Also, I came across Rebecca quite a long time ago through momversation and I agree she's pretty cool :)
I hate walking. LOL But I have a stationary bike and I'm happy to give that a go. I used to be a total gym rat (like in 2004/2005) but that part of me has long gone into hibernation.
I'm doing this online to keep myself honest and make myself feel accountable. I hate the whole writing thing down thing, but maybe writing here will work like that.
Thanks for the support! Good luck to you, too!