A question of marriages - gay, televised, and otherwise.

Recently I wrote about both gay marriage and Jon & Kate Plus 8.  Today I find myself thinking about both topics again as the Jon & Kate season premiere aired last night and then, today, the California Supreme Court announced it will uphold Proposition 8, banning gay marriage, but - but - upholding the gay marriages that took place before Prop 8.

Where to begin, right?

How about we start with John Tomicki of the New Jersey Coalition to Preserve and Protect Marriage, who stated that since NJ gay couples already have civil unions with all of the benefits, protections, and responsibilities of marriage, there's no need to change the terminology from civil union to marriage "other than to change the 'traditional' meaning of the term" (Fuchs, NJ.com).  If it's all the same, then why does the title matter to you?  And why is your organization's goal to "preserve and protect" marriage?  Would you like an arranged marriage?  Or perhaps you would like your wife to stay home, you know, as women should.  I hope she's not a high earner who is providing a significant portion of your household income.  And how about that dowry you paid to her father when you asked him for her hand in marriage?  How did that go?  Oh, oops, you didn't pay one?  If you're on board to preserve and protect marriage, you better be ready to have someone else define marriage for you.  Why do you get to define which stage of marriage gets protected and preserved?  I hope no one against gay marriage is in a biracial or multicultural marriage; you might just find yourself in the same place as the upheld gay marriages in CA today.

How do we get to Jon & Kate from here?  Well, it's clear to me that this is a specific marriage that needs protection and preservation.  Yes, when you sign up for a reality show, you invite a bit of speculation into your life.  But what I do not understand is how it remains legal for adult photographers (i.e. the dreaded paparazzi) to pursue, follow, and film children.  Wouldn't that get them questioned about child porn in some places?  And, to me, I do not understand how this "profession" is allowed to exist.  It clearly seems like harassment and I do not understand why there are no laws in the pipeline aiming to curb this (if there are and you are aware of this, please feel free to comment and correct my assumption).

The Jon & Kate Plus 8 season premiere made me remarkably sad.  As I stated previously, the hubby believed that the whole situation was probably made to look worse than it was and the episode would show that it's not as bad as the commercials were "dramatizing" it to be.  However, his silence and focused concentration during last night's premiere makes me think that he agrees that he was proven incorrect.  Jon and Kate seem to be barely speaking to each other and seem to not spend a lot of time together at home (or even in the same house together). 

Significantly, they both seem to be struggling with the care that eight children require.  Jon resents being left home with them while Kate goes on her book tour.  However, Kate took care of the kids by herself (well, with some help) for years while he worked (and he did state that he has help).  Kate then goes on to bemoan over and over (and over) how she has to plan the sextuplets' birthday party by herself.  Do you want an award for this?  Plenty of parents, both single and married, plan children's birthday parties by themselves.  You are not writing The Great American Novel or planning a Presidential Inaugural dinner.  This is a party, in a park, with cake and pinatas, for a group of five year olds.  Get a friggin' grip.

I believe they are both steeped in a lot of anger, but also a lot of fear.  I do not believe that either one of them has checked out of the marriage, as some people have intimated (specifically of Jon).  I believe they are both scared of feeling that possibility, especially in each other.  It seemed to me like neither one wanted to step up and admit that they might possibly want to work on their marriage.  Kate said this a bit, but more in the "I've done all I can and I'm now spent" kind of way - not in the "I'll go down fighting" kind of way.  They saved all of that for their kids, which is somewhat fair, but I really hope they take a step back and work on the marriage.

The fact that the downfall of their marriage is being pitched as entertainment disgusts me, as does the CA Supreme Court's decision today.  I don't believe that marriage is for everyone or every relationship, but I have found a lot of comfort in the support and security mine offers me.  I only wish that everyone else has the same opportunity if they want it and that, if they do so sign up, that they can endure marriage's ups and downs without a slew of photographers or hate speech following them.