Gay marriage and beyond?

I work a later shift today, so I had some time this morning to read emails and watch a little TV before heading to work.  I watched a little of the Today show, but then they were heading into the dreaded fourth hour with Hoda and Kathie Lee, so I very quickly switched over to Tyra. She was doing a show about LGBT issues.  Since I only got to watch about five minutes of it, I don't know what issues she went in to, but what I did get to see was that she divided up her audience by sexual orientation.  Each audience member was wearing a shirt that said "straight" "gay" or "?". 

Question mark?  Seriously?  For a show that's supposed to be enlightened, that's just wrong. Then Tyra launched into a montage that compared the gay rights movement to the civil rights movement, which I feel is an accurate comparison (although I've seen plenty of angry arguments stating that it's not).  You don't choose to be gay just as much as you don't choose to be black.  Both groups have a history of high imprisonment, prejudice, and persecution.  And, of course, there is the joint issue of marriage. I know that in some parts of the country or in some circles, biracial marriage still receives looks and comments and even hate mail (ask Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel, sadly). 

However, in my experience, it is not much of an issue but I have run into prejudice in my own family.  I once had a boyfriend who was Indian and dark-skinned and I was thinking about bringing him to a family wedding.  When I mentioned this to a family member, they said, "Okay, but everyone is going to think he's black"  as if that statement alone explains everything.  So what if they think he's black?  Oh no, wait, so what if he IS black?  It was aggravating and saddening, but it was a number of years ago now and I do believe that there has been progression within my own family.

I am in favor of gay marriage and I believe that most, if not all, of my immediate family is, as well.  My parents are religious and spiritual (there is a difference between the two, but they are both); however, they are also very accepting of "the gay lifestyle", for lack of a better phrase. 

I don't believe marriage is a religious institution and the people who frame it as one are being incredibly historically myopic.  Marriage, if you truly look at it historically, is a financial institution.  Women were property and came with property as well.  Period.  The idea of marrying for love is relatively new in the expanse of human experience (however, with US tax laws and benefits rights, it's also still strongly a financial arrangement).

So, if we are still relatively new in the process of defining marriage as an institution of love, then why are we defining it in terms of who we love?  I did not grow up and choose to be straight.  There was no day where I went, "Yes, I have decided - I shall be attracted to males."  I don't believe being gay is any different.  As my mother says, it's hard to imagine that someone would choose something so societally difficult on purpose. What I am left to wonder, though, is what the next step will be.  No, I do not equate gay marriage with marrying your pets or whatever other cockamamie idea the anti-gay marriage people have come up with.  However, I am personally aware of some three-person relationships.  Often, two of the people are married and the third lives with them as a boyfriend or girlfriend to either one or both of the married persons.  This is not a situation I can picture for myself (I've got my hands full with just a husband, lol) but I've seen enough people truly happy in this situation that I feel that I cannot judge it as wrong for any moral or personal reasons.  As long as all involved adults are happy and satisfied, who am I to butt in?  And, more so, why would I want to?

But what happens when a polyamorous couple, err, group (? we need words for this) wants to get married?  This thought crossed my mind a few days ago and has been dancing around in my head.  I haven't come to any conclusion on it yet.  I do lean towards inclusiveness in life in general but I haven't been able to figure out how this would work legally or socially.  Once gay marriage is more of a norm and allowed through most of the states (which I believe is coming), I think this might be one of our next social issues, although I don't know how much traction it will have since the numbers for this are probably significantly smaller than the ones for those with a stake in gay marriage (not that numbers should matter, but it will regarding press coverage). Sometimes I fear for the open dialogue in this country.  It feels like people just want to shut down ideas and topics they don't like instead of actually discussing them and hoping to learn something or educate someone else.  I hope this feeling passes and that everyone relaxes and has more conversations (instead of shouting matches) going forward.

Comments

[Amy]

I agree with this discussion on gay marriage completely.

Not even sure what else to say. Thanks for sharing. :-)