I measure every Grief I meet...

I measure every Grief I meet
With narrow, probing, Eyes
- Emily Dickinson

Last night I found out that someone dear to me recently suffered a miscarriage in her fifth month of pregnancy.  When they investigated why the fetus died, they discovered tumors on the umbilical cord and elsewhere in her uterus and she was informed that she has cancer, so now she's in treatment for that.  She has a very happy outlook on it all, though, which I believe will help her through.

Then I found out that a former coworker died in a traffic accident.  She was only three years older than me (proximity of age always make death even harder for me) and the article I found about the accident makes it sound as though she stepped into traffic on the highway, which I find terribly difficult to believe.  But these days, isn't that always the line?  "S/he would never do something like that."  There's always someone saying the serial killer next door was such a nice person or that there were no signs before someone killed herself.  I tend to think this might just be poor journalism.  Either way, she leaves behind a husband and two year old daughter.  It doesn't matter how she went; it's just that she's gone.

I made it through teaching last night by basically being out of my own body.  Teaching is actually really wonderful for distracting oneself from other issues and concerns.  However, as soon as I got to my car afterwards, I broke down and cried all the way home, totally overwhelmed by all the sadness and suffering and loss.

Today I feel better, but a bit on edge.  I'm not sure how much more I want to bear.  I know I could bear more; in fact, I realized yesterday that there is quite a lot I can handle - but some of this is teetering on what is beyond my ability to bear.  Thankfully I have wonderful friends - friends who alternately comfort, calm, distract, amuse, and reason.  They provide logical reasons why everything will be okay, not empty promises that it all will just be okay somehow, which is something I really appreciate. The NY Times posted an article on Monday about how friendship leads to longer life, even if they're not friends you see in person regularly, but still keep in touch with (via email, phone, Facebook, etc).  It concludes that friends make your life better; I could not agree more.

Comments

[goodbadandugly2]

WOW. I am so sorry to hear all this. You are in my prayers!