Brain feeling full and squishy
Thursday, March 5, 2009 at 3:53PM 
Sometimes you have problems that are so overwhelming that you don't even want to think about them or don't know how to think about them. Sometimes you have problems that are so distressing that you don't want to deal with them. Sometimes you have problems that are such a blessing, but even still, you don't know what to do or where to start.
Like a lot of people these days, the hubby and I have money issues. We're barely scraping by, meaning we barely even bought groceries the past two weeks - just milk for cereal and bread for sandwiches, etc - the staples. We're not eating PB&J every day but we're not eating a lot of meat or vegetables, unfortunately, because the budget is that tight. It should get better soon as we pay some bills and get a hold on our expenditures, but we have at least another month of this ahead of us. This is something I think about every day.
Then yesterday I received amazing news: I was accepted to an outstanding graduate program to pursue my Master of Education (I already have a Master of Arts in English). The problem? I'm actually not sure I want to go; I'm not sure the program I applied to is the right fit for me. In fact, I think another one would be a better fit and so I have written to the school to find out if I can join that program instead. The nerve, right? But the other (new) program feels so much better; I get tingly looking at the required courses and their descriptions. For the program I was accepted to, I feel dread and a distinct lack of excitement. I LOVE being a student so I know I have to go with my gut on this. I hope I can apply for the other program and not delay my admission at all.
I also hope that I can handle going back to school AGAIN (if I do go). But that's the next level of worrying - I have to finish this level first.
Edit 4:24pm: I can resubmit my materials for the other program and it seems my admission (if I AM admitted to this second program) would be still for this fall. However, I have to write a new personal statement! Gah! As anyone who's ever applied to grad school (or even college) knows, that is the worst, most difficult part of the application process. Those essays don't really mean too much for college applications, but for grad school applications, they really can make or break you.
Oh lordy. My stomach is doing somersaults about this. Last year I spent months on my personal statement and didn't get into a single PhD program. This year I spent about 30 minutes on it and got accepted. Perhaps I just do better when I think less (since I overthink everything).
Going to go right now and get crackin' on the new personal statement!
education, grad school, money, things that make me worry in life 
Reader Comments (6)
Hey! I'm going for a MA in Ed now too! What program are you looking to get into?
Miss you!
I got in to Higher and Postsecondary Ed... but I want to do Teaching of English.
Grad school again?? I didn't realise this was still something you were looking into! Wowsers! This is exciting! Where is the school that you got accepted into? I want to hear more!
Congratulations girl! I'm happy for you!
Thanks... I did deny the acceptance, though, and transfer my admissions request to the new department... and there's no guarantee I'll get into that, so we'll see. I may or may not be going back to grad school. LOL
I really want to have a doctorate one day and this will get me on the road to that. I didn't tell anyone I was applying (except the hubby) b/c I really had no idea if I had a shot at getting in and was only applying to one school. It's NYC so I wouldn't be moving or changing jobs or anything. I can't afford to do all of that again - and I'd be taking it slow: one, maaaaybe two classes at a time. It's a long term goal. lol
What school are those programs through?
I didn't really want to get into specifics of what school yet... I wanna see how it goes first. :)