Yesterday... all my troubles... something.

Yesterday was one of those weird days where one has great highs and great lows.  After work, my husband and I were going out to sign the lease and get the keys for our new apartment, but right before we left, I was sobbing in the kitchen over something else entirely.  So, yeah, one of those kind of days.

My family isn't always great with money.  The way I have this blog, I won't say anything here that I wouldn't say to someone if they were standing in front of me... so I can confirm that no one in my immediate family would deny that we're not great with money.  Not dumb, necessarily, just not great and not always lucky.  Right now, all parts of my immediate family are struggling a bit.  Our struggles are mild in comparison to what some other people are experiencing in this economy, but it's still been difficult.  My husband was laid off in September, right before our wedding, and has been temping since.  My mother hasn't had a permanent job in over a year, I believe, and has had some temp jobs here and there.  My parents are constantly struggling with their mortgage.  My sister and her husband bought their new house right before she got pregnant (unplanned) and so they're more strapped for cash than they intended to me.  We've all had significant car repairs recently.  I have a mountain of grad school debt that I was certain would be paid by the fabulous job my Master's degree would get me after graduation, having no idea I'd earn less now than I did before I even had my B.A..

My brother is in his last semester of law school and it's been a tough ride for him all along.  He has some health issues he's been battling and has been living the "poor grad student" life all along.  He takes excellent care of himself, but no doctor has been able to figure out completely what's wrong and they're costing hundreds of dollars a visit, so he can't always go.  The issue this month was that his student loans were late and so he couldn't pay his bills, including his car loan, and so they were threatening to take his car - even though this was his only missed payment (tough crowd).  So my husband and I lent him the money so he could wire it today, but his student loan money came in this morning so everything is okay anyway.

It's hard to explain why this in particular hit me so hard since money problems like this aren't new.  I think the biggest part of it is that I hate that my "little" brother is a thousand miles away.  I have hated it the entire time he's there.  My brother and I have the same habit of not asking for any help until the very last, dire minute, so it's been impossible to know exactly what's going on with him because he'll never say anything.  Without his car, he couldn't go to class or his clerkship, so his law school semester would be over, there would go graduation, his degree, everything.  Thankfully it's worked out, but it was tough.

On top of that, my dad fell on the ice Wednesday night and bruised his lower back.  Again, he won't say anything about it; my mom had to tell me.  He slipped on the front walkway and hit the small of his back on the bottom step of the front steps.  That can't be good so now I'm worried he didn't just bruise himself.  I'm trying to get my mom to take him for x-rays.  My dad is young for his age - no one ever believes how old he is - but he is still over 60, no matter if he looks like he's barely 50.  I hate that he still does all the shoveling and yard work.  I hope my parents can move into a place where they don't have those responsibilities anymore.

So from there the hubby and I went to sign our lease and get our apartment keys.  We picked up some things from the storage facility (might as well not go to the new place empty-handed!) and went to the apartment to measure the rooms for painting (if we paint all the rooms - I'm not sure; I had no idea paint was so expensive!  Why do they always say paint is the cheapest way to redecorate a room?  At $25/gallon?  Seriously?).  We're at least painting the bedroom - goodbye yellow.

I often have a problem feeling how I'm "supposed" to feel on a particular event.  It's why I was surprised by how purely happy I was on our wedding day.  Usually I just feel like, "Okay, it's a day" about things.  I know I should have felt something extra getting our apartment keys yesterday, but I didn't.  My mind was on my family and what would come next.  I know I'll feel the happiness when we lock the apartment door behind us on the first night we sleep there.  Then it's ours; then it's home.

Comments

[l0veyalikew0ah]

I'm sorry to hear about your dad, I hope he's alright.

Congratulations on the new apartment though. I'm sure the excitement will come soon. I still get giddy sometimes thinking about mine and I've lived here for nearly 6 months. I wish you all the best.