Happy Mother's Day

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Happy Mother's Day to my mom, my mother-in-law, our grandmothers, all of you mothers out there, mothers to be, all of your mothers and grandmothers - and to all the mother figures we've had, too. Sometimes a mother in your life isn't necessarily the woman who gave birth to you or raised you, so here is also thanks to the women who have influenced and shaped our lives.

Today, for Mother's Day, I don't want to sleep in. I want to get up early and spend extra time with my son. I don't want to go for a manicure or a massage. I don't want to eat breakfast in bed (because it'd just end up my job to clean the bedding later anyway) and I don't want to go out to dinner. I don't even care about a day off from changing diapers or preparing bottles or doing laundry.

I want clean floors and an empty dishwasher, and a dinner I don't have to take any part in planning or preparing but that is still home-cooked. I just want a nice day. Maybe as the years pass, I'll want to take some time by myself for Mother's Day, but this year, my first Mother's Day, I just want to spend time with the little guy whose existence lets me call myself a mother.

Moment of Light

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I read this prompt this morning while I was walking Buster and immediately thought, "Oh, well, I have to write about the moment Nate was born."  It seems a given.  But, really, that moment was so surreal, so nearly out-of-body in its enormity, that it doesn't quite fit what I envision the answer to this prompt to be.

And now, after hours of thinking about the prompt on and off, I still don't have a better answer.  I haven't had any of those truly alive moments this year, or if I have, they haven't been of the pleasant variety.  They've been those moments where you sit, feeling alone whether you're alone or not, and are simply walloped by feeling the implications of a hundred life decisions at once.  Or one big event comes to a head and you feel the entire world fall away around you as you wonder how the hell you're going to make it through the next minute, hour, day.

Today, I'll add, is one of those days.  And it isn't the only one of those days that the hubby and I have had recently and certainly, by far, not the only one this year.

What's interesting to me is that this year had really demonstrated the universe's balance.  We had the biggest moment of light in our lives with the birth of Nate, but we have also had the darkest moments of our life together this year, as well.

So I'm glad that when I read the prompt this morning, Nate was my first thought and not the darkness we have been fighting all year.  We've won some of the battles with the darkness, but not all of them and new ones always appear.  Thank goodness for the light to keep us going.

Fill in the Blank Friday

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1. Holiday spirit means being grateful for what you have (not what you're hoping to get) and spreading joy whenever and wherever possible.

2. The holidays are incomplete without family.  I have some friends who have lost both parents or have family that lives far and I can't imagine what this time of year is like.  I can only imagine that it's really difficult.  For me, the holidays just wouldn't feel like holidays at all without my family.

3. My favorite things to do around the holidays is decorate my Christmas tree and bake cookies - lots and lots and lots of cookies!

4. A holiday tradition my family and I have is to have dinner together on Christmas Eve, open presents, and go to the 11pm church service.  After the church service, we go back to my parents' house for coffee, hot chocolate, and dessert.  When I was little, we were allowed to open one gift when we got home from church.  Now that we spend Christmas Day with our respective in-laws, we open all the gifts Christmas Eve.

5. Holiday music is the best!!!  I absolutely ADORE Christmas music - so much so that I've been singing it to Nate his whole life.  When I'd sing him to sleep, I'd often sing "Silent Night" or "O Little Town of Bethlehem" or "Angels We Have Heard On High".  I just love Christmas music THAT much.

6. This year, I'll be spending the holidays at my own house Christmas Eve.  For the first time, I'm hosting my family on Christmas Eve!  (And, no, I have no idea what I'm making for dinner, eep.)  Then Christmas Day we'll spend the first half of the day at home with Nate and then go over to my in-laws for the afternoon and dinner.

7. Holiday wish list: It's a low (read: no) budget year for just about everyone I know (we're just doing gifts for the kids), but I still find it fun to make a wish list.  I would love to get an immersion blender (they have cheaper ones elsewhere, but this is a wish list), the Giada De Laurentis Scoop and Strain Colander from Target, long measuring spoons, stainless steel measuring cups, Karen Walrond's book The Beauty of Different: Observations of a Confident Misfit, a pair of TOMS, and a trip to The Pioneer Woman's Ranch. (Ha, it is a wish list, right?)

But in reality, all I want is some stability.  This year has been far too unstable.  The hubby needs a stable job, we need stable daycare, and we need the health of family members to stabilize.  If I could get those things in a box under my Christmas tree, I might not ever ask for anything else ever again.  But of course, those are the types of things no one can really give you; you have to do the best you can to make them happen, so off I go...

Fill in the Blank Friday

It's a two-for today since I can't resist answering questions about Thanksgiving!

1. My Thanksgiving plans this year will include making The Pioneer Woman's lasagna, green bean casserole, and pecan pie and bringing them to my sister's house where she's hosting both our family and her in-laws.  And it's Nate's first Thanksgiving!  I can't wait to put his special Thanksgiving onesie on.

2. My favorite Thanksgiving was more than one - I've loved nearly every one because they always have involved my family and being grateful and eating delicious, comforting food.  I have really fond memories of the ones out at my aunt and uncle's old place on Long Island.  After dinner, to help the food settle, we'd take a walk around their apartment complex, along the Long Island sound and look at the water and the boats.  I remember that as clearly as if it was yesterday. 

3. My signature Thanksgiving dish is yet to be determined since I've never cooked anything for Thanksgiving before.  I'm hoping PW's green bean casserole is a big hit.

4. My favorite Thanksgiving food is possibly stuffing because when else do you get to eat it?  You can get turkey other times of the year (especially open face turkey sandwiches, yum) but you don't really eat stuffing any other time.

5. Thanksgiving free association! Sitting on the couch with my pants unbuttoned (although I don't really actually do that).  When I think Thanksgiving, I immediately think of the color palette - oranges, browns, tans, and the way the Thanksgiving table really paints a picture of a bountiful harvest and all the things we should be thankful for.

6. Thanksgiving is maybe my second favorite holiday after Christmas.  I love the Fourth of July, too, but it's summer and hot.  Thanksgiving is just the perfect time of the year and you don't have to deal with people stressing out about gifts.  (I don't stress about gifts, but I stress when other people are freaking out about gifts.)  Plus, it's wonderful to have a day where being present and thankful and grateful is the expected norm.

7. I am thankful for SO much this year.  I love that my family actually goes around the table and has everyone say what they're thankful for (while we're eating - we don't make everyone wait to eat; I find that this way people share more because they're not rushing due to hunger, lol).  I'm obviously thankful that my pregnancy and Nate's birth went so smoothly and that Nate is the wonderful, perfect little boy that he is.  I'm thankful for our new home and that we have so far made it through the most financially rough time we've had since being married.  I'm thankful for my job and the opportunities I have to learn and enrich my life.  And I'm thankful for the online places I've found that help me find community, support, encouragement, relaxation and keep life in perspective and keep it positive as much as possible.

Monday Five Countdown

Five Things I'm Grateful For

1. Nate.  I know it's ridiculously cheesy and if I was reading someone else's blog, I would totally roll my eyes and think, "Oh gawd" if I read that the first thing they were grateful for was their son... but I really haven't yet been able to find the words for how deeply his existence touches my heart.  There is nothing I love more than his smiling face.

2. Getting our entire security deposit back from our old apartment.  We NEED that money this month, more than we have needed money in two years.

3. My car is running beautifully.  Okay, it cost $640, but I'm grateful that I have a fantastic mechanic who I know is honest and trustworthy (and who is letting us pay in a couple of installments).

4. The open space in our new home.  Sure, there are boxes everywhere and they'll officially be driving me completely and utterly crazy in about two days, but even with those boxes, I can just feel the space around me every minute that I'm home and nothing right now is making me happier.

5. The hubby.  (Yes, I know, first my son and now my husband. We can all groan together about how gross and cheesy it all is.)  He's been wonderful these past few weeks.  Moving makes me very bitchy and I've never moved with a child before, so it was particularly challenging. (Who knew babies don't sit around and let you pack for four hours with no interruptions?) But he has been upbeat and positive and has told me specifically when to cut the bitching when necessary.  In other words, he's been perfect (which is more than I could say for myself).

Four Things I Can't Stop Thinking About

1. My Pioneer Woman cookbook.  I cannot wait to finish unpacking and setting up my kitchen so that I can COOK SOMETHING.  (So far I've heated up some Chef Boyardee and made PW's Egg-in-a-Hole (which the hubby does call "nom in a hole").  Tonight: frozen PF Chang's and some soba noodles.  Really looking forward to peeling and dicing and cooking soon.

2. My pantry.  It needs shelves.  Right now it's just an empty closet and I really want to put all my dry goods in there and then start stocking it, little by little.  I had an amazing pantry at my apartment in grad school and I really miss having certain ingredients on hand at all times.

3. Unpacking.  My mind is constantly running through visuals of what's in all the boxes and trying to figure out where it's all going to go.

4. The floors.  Our new place has really nice floors and I am fearful of screwing them up.

Three Things I Want To Accomplish This Week

1. Unpacking.  I want to have the majority of the unpacking done by this Sunday.  There are always those few remaining boxes that are hard to place, but I want to get everything reasonable unpacked THIS WEEK.

2. Put up the pantry shelves.  I know this is probably asking way too much because it involves measuring and then buying the shelves and then installing them, all of which I need the hubby's help with (Nate isn't too good with the power drill yet).  But it would be supremely helpful if they went up because then I could use the current pantry cabinets for our glasses and other dinnerware.

3. Go food shopping. The milk expires today. I have no yogurt.  (I don't want the milk to become yogurt, ewww.)  We need granola bars (super useful to eat when you have a squirmy baby).  Just the essentials, you see.

Two Things I Am Working To Be Positive About

1. The money situation.  It's better but it's still scarily tight, especially since I still have two more partial paychecks before I return to full pay and the holidays are right around the corner.  But we should be able to pull through.  If we can get to Thanksgiving and keep up, we'll be in the clear.

2. Some of the students at work are seriously trying my patience this quarter.  They're not being rude or anything like that; they simply need a lot of help and attention with things that are very basic.  (I don't want to get too specific.)  I have to keep to myself about how unbelievable I think some of their questions are and remember that I don't know everything and that there are plenty of times I need help with something that someone else finds very basic.  (Recently, for example, I had to admit to my father-in-law that I had no idea what my fuel pump should sound like.  To him, this was as incredible as it is to me when a student doesn't know how to print from Word.)  I just remind myself we all have our strengths and can all always help each other out.

One Random Thing

1. I recently discovered that a good number of people I know don't use alarm clocks.  They all use the alarm clock feature on their cell phones to wake up.  This seemed really odd to me but then I began to wonder if stand-alone alarm clocks are another thing that will disappear eventually, like wristwatches apparently are (again, because people use their cell phones to tell time).  Will we eventually have an entire generation that can't read an analog clock?  (I already know people who don't understand what it means to say "a quarter to four" or "ten minutes to three".)  Things like this always make me feel old.

I'm going to be 85, wearing my wristwatch, listening to a record on a turntable - when I'm not watching a movie on VHS or playing with my Atari.  (Um, all of which I will probably have to buy online since I don't own any of that stuff anymore, aside from the watch.  Oops.)

Like this countdown?  Feel free to copy it and link me to yours in a comment!  I'd love to see how everyone else is doing this Monday.  :)