The not really hidden library

Setting: library at a prestigious university in upper Manhattan

Scene: a graduate student weighed down by two sweaters, a heavy winter coat, a full backpack and a purse is clutching a small square of white paper that has five call numbers scribbled on it.  She walks to the back of the library and then up to the front, looks around, and then finally approaches the main desk.

Student (trying to will herself not to sweat): Um, this will probably be the dumbest question you get all day but, um, are all the books at the main library?

Librarian (looks confused): No.... ??

Student: Okay, so, um... (leans in and lowers voice) Where are all the books?

This Tuesday, I went into my school's library for the first time, even though this is my third semester there as a student.  Shameful, right?  I just hadn't needed to go before.  I was able to complete my work with books I had at home and articles I accessed online.

But now - now I needed/wanted specific books.  And I couldn't find them!

Librarian: If you go out the door there, there's a stairwell to your right and you can head up to the other four floors of -

Student Me: Four?

Librarian: Yes, the library has five floors.  The books are in the lofts.

Me: The lofts?

Long story short, these books are in a wacky system.  It's like having two floors of books for every one floor of library.  So I did a lot of running up and down stairs and by the time I got back to the main desk, four books in hand, I was completely sweating.  I took off my coat and threw it on the floor.  I took off my second sweater (what, I'm always cold) and stuffed it in my backpack.  I took off my scarf (see: always cold) and stuffed it in my purse.  I put my purse and backpack on the floor and put the books on the table.

(Other) librarian: Ooookay, let's see.  These three are due back June 1st and this one is due at ... 6:48.

Me: Huh?

Librarian: This is a reserve book so you can only take it out for two hours.  So it's due back at 6:48.

Me: Uh, well, I get out of class at 6:50 so is that okay?

Librarian (typing): Okay, it's due back at 7:00.

And scene.

Moment of Light

December 3 – Moment.

Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

I read this prompt this morning while I was walking Buster and immediately thought, "Oh, well, I have to write about the moment Nate was born."  It seems a given.  But, really, that moment was so surreal, so nearly out-of-body in its enormity, that it doesn't quite fit what I envision the answer to this prompt to be.

And now, after hours of thinking about the prompt on and off, I still don't have a better answer.  I haven't had any of those truly alive moments this year, or if I have, they haven't been of the pleasant variety.  They've been those moments where you sit, feeling alone whether you're alone or not, and are simply walloped by feeling the implications of a hundred life decisions at once.  Or one big event comes to a head and you feel the entire world fall away around you as you wonder how the hell you're going to make it through the next minute, hour, day.

Today, I'll add, is one of those days.  And it isn't the only one of those days that the hubby and I have had recently and certainly, by far, not the only one this year.

What's interesting to me is that this year had really demonstrated the universe's balance.  We had the biggest moment of light in our lives with the birth of Nate, but we have also had the darkest moments of our life together this year, as well.

So I'm glad that when I read the prompt this morning, Nate was my first thought and not the darkness we have been fighting all year.  We've won some of the battles with the darkness, but not all of them and new ones always appear.  Thank goodness for the light to keep us going.

The day before B-Day

I did not participate in any Black Friday sales.  I hate those kind of frantic crowds and I can't fathom getting up early just to go shopping in the dark and cold.  I think it's crazy.  But, more so, we also don't have a dime to spend, so I'm certainly not about to get up in the dark and cold and head into the crazy crowds to window shop.

Instead, I've spent today with my son, trying to finish as much unpacking and organizing as possible since tomorrow is B-Day.  Buster Day.  Busto Destructo comes home tomorrow and so we need to clear out boxes (he might eat through them, pee on them, who knows what else) and move the table and chairs from the kitchen into the dining room (finally - haven't had a table in there yet) so we can put his crate in the kitchen.  Took Nate to the pet shop to buy a couple of new collars and a new leash for Buster (as I said, Busto Destructo), a new bed for Oreo (she sleeps in our room), and some stuff to clean off his crate before we bring it in the house.

I've been dreading this day since Nate was born.  I am eternally grateful to my in-laws for dogsitting Buster for us for the past six months so we could let Nate get a little bigger and, as it turns out, let us move into a bigger, better place.

This whole household is in for a rude awakening tomorrow.  Oreo will not be pleased to see Buster.  The hubby will not enjoy having to get up early every day (no more taking turns sleeping in) because one of us will have to get up with Nate and one of us will have to take Buster for a walk.  Buster will be in for the rudest awakening because he doesn't realize tomorrow starts Buster Boot Camp.  There will be no excessive barking, no peeing in his crate, no destroying of personal property, no jumping on furniture, no jumping, period.  He will learn to walk nicely on a leash.  He will not have free reign of any area in the house and he will certainly NOT be allowed to freely roam the floor near Nate.  Buster has a ways to go before he will have proven himself to me.

Sigh.

I'm exhausted just thinking about this. Buster's only a year old, so I know he has growing up to do, but hopefully we can at least manage some behavior modification. I hope beyond hope that six months from now I'm re-reading this and thinking, "Wow, I was so worried.  But all that Buster Boot Camp work we did was great and now he's a much better dog."And I hope I'm not laughing about having that hope.

7 Quick Tuesday Takes - back to work edition

4 Things That Changed At Work While I Was On Maternity Leave:

1. They have new vending machines in the student center.  These include a Blue Bunny ice cream vending machine.  YUM, not that I plan to utilize the machine since I am trying to lose some weight. (Yes, that's a new development; I'll have to go into it another time.)  In addition, all of the machines now take debit/credit cards.  For someone who plans to try and kick her Coke Zero addiction, this is a dangerous machine upgrade.

2. Two of the main programs I use for my job got complete makeovers.  So not only did I have to remember my passwords, I had to learn how to navigate new systems.

3. There's a new librarian (I work in a room in the library).  I like her, though, so that's simply a positive change.

4. I had to make a list on a sticky note and put it on my desk reminding me what I'm actually supposed to be doing at work because I had so totally forgotten my routine.

And 3 Things That Did Not Change

5. It's cold.  I wore a dress yesterday with a short sleeve sweater over it and I was cold, even in my area, which runs warmer than the rest of the campus.  Must remember this (must remember to bring tea to work, as well).

6. Students are not concerned with flushing properly.  I don't know why this is, but it is.  It really isn't that hard to push a handle down and make sure a flush is complete, but it seems to escape them.

7. I like the people that I work with and I especially like the tutors that work for me.  I hadn't realized that I missed them while I was out until I felt happy to see them when they came in yesterday afternoon.

Home is where the heart has room

What's too much to ask?  For an apartment, that is...

home is where the heart is, I know... but I want more...
source

I want to move.  Actually, I believe we need to move.  Our current apartment is cramped.  Nate's swing takes up 3/4 of a doorway.  Every wall is crammed with furniture or books or something.  Nate doesn't even have a room to himself: his closet is crammed with some of our stuff and there's a huge shelf in his room holding the hubby's computer and our printer.

Plenty of people live in cramped quarters and manage.  But the problem I'm having is that I believe Nate's going to need room to crawl and explore and right now, that's not something we can offer him.  We can barely fit his activity mat in our living room.  Our bedroom basically has nearly no floor space.  The center of his room is a bit of open space, but we can't spend all of our time in his room.  That's really not exploration. 

So we've been looking for apartments.  We can't afford to buy a house (no savings) and we can't easily afford the type of place I'd love to rent.

For example, my current favorite Craigslist post is a single family home with five bedrooms, two and a half baths, a living room and family room (play room!) and fenced backyard.  I.e. Everything we want.  But it's $2200 a month which, while a huge bargain for this area, is significantly more than we can afford.

This is when living in north Jersey sucks.  You can rent single bedroom apartments for $1500 if they're in the right town, apartments that in other states would probably be $800.  Here you have apartments with fenced-in yards that then don't allow dogs, which seems really unfair.  (I understand why people don't want to rent to people with dogs, but it sucks when you have the dogs.)

So, Dear Universe, here are my apartment must-haves:

• It has to be in the town my parents and sister live in (the town I grew up in, because it has better schools than any of the surrounding towns and I don't want to move again before Nate starts school)
• Two, preferably three, bedrooms (because we do plan on another kid some day and, again, I don't want to have to think about moving again for a while)
• Laundry on site (I'm tired of trekking our laundry to my parents' house once a week)
• Spacious rooms (see: room for Nate to crawl and eventually walk around)
• Dogs allowed
• Can't be more than $400-$500/mth higher than what we pay now
• Residential street (don't want to have to worry about Nate or the dogs running out the door onto a busy street)

Then, past the must-haves, are the wishlist items:

• A fourth bedroom or spare room so that we can have an office and still have another bedroom for another child
• Off-street parking: we are sick and tired of dealing with our neighbors parking in front of our home (when they have driveways and we don't!) and worrying about alternate side parking
• A basement or attic for storage (we have a lot of stuff to store)
• First floor (so I don't have to worry about Nate or the dogs bothering a downstairs neighbor)
• One and a half or two bathrooms (I dream of not having to wait for the bathroom if it's occupied)
• Fenced-in yard

This is why when you're my age, you're supposed to have saved a lot of money and have really great credit so you can buy a home.  But that's not what I or the hubby have done, and so here we are, scooting around a baby swing to get from the living room to the hallway and checking Craigslist and the local multiple listing service daily for any great rental deals.  We can stay in this apartment as long as we like, so it's not like we have to rush and settle on an apartment that's only almost good enough, but I just hope there is an apartment out there that truly is good enough and I'm not just holding out for something that doesn't exist.