Finding little happinesses

That happiness book I'm reading (slowly, I know, I should be long done with it already) makes mention of how important it is to make time for the things that make you happy, no matter how seemingly large or small they are:

"[A]llowing ourselves to engage in activities we enjoy can actually greatly enhance our performance at work. But simply doing them is not enough to get results [. . . ] When your brain conceives of family dinner or Sudoku or fantasy football or a phone call with a friend as a "waste of time," it won't be able to reap its inherent benefits. But if you change the fulcrum so that you conceive of such free time as a chance to learn and practice new things, to recharge your batteries and connect with others, you'll be able to leverage the power out of that rest time and return stronger than before."

~Achor, pg. 73-74

This idea has altered how I approach my "free" time in the evenings, as well as how I see how the hubby spends his free time, not just because it's clear that everyone needs time to decompress and do "fun" things, but because the list above (in the quotation) is a great example of the range of things people may find enjoyable while others do not. I'm not about to join a fantasy football league and I generally dislike phone calls, but I know people who get great enjoyment out of both who would never want to sit and watch Project Runway or America's Next Top Model with me while I text back and forth with my sister: "I didn't like that outfit either! I hope she gets kicked off this week!" "OMG she is CRAZY!"

It seems shallow, but per Achor, this is time I take to recharge and connect with others. Outside of work, school, and my own home, I don't spend time connecting with anyone. Now, that said, those three locations give me plenty of connecting but it's not always light and relaxing. Work is about work, school is about schoolwork and wrestling with serious academic concerns, and home involves too many discussions about money (or lack thereof). Sometimes I really just need to critique someone's ability to smize, you know? (If you watch ANTM, you know.)

Similarly, the hubby likes to get on his computer, put on some headphones, and pretend he's shooting people. Will I ever want to do that? Probably not. I can't even stand to be in the same room when he's playing because the conversations he and the other guys have on there grate on my nerves so much. But it's his time to do something that lets him relax and connect with others.

Sometimes, for me, it's just about getting lost in some characters and (what I think is good) TV writing, like The Vampire Diaries, which is easily my favorite show on TV right now. I think Grey's Anatomy is good this season. Dancing with the Stars is always a guilty pleasure.

And then there's the non-TV fun: blogging, of course - but even more than that, reading other blogs and Twitter. There's Word with Friends and Hanging with Friends.

Then there are things like taking Nate to the playground (which I've been trying to do every weekend, sometimes both Saturday and Sunday). We're going to be cooped up more come winter, so I'm trying to get as much outdoor playtime in as possible right now. Plus, it gets us away from the TV, gives him a break from his usual toys, and lets him use his muscles and motor skills in different ways. Sometimes there are other kids around, so there are opportunities to interact (although, admittedly, I'm not one to spend much time talking to other parents).

The point is, there's a reason that it's common to hear someone say things like this are "good for you" - because they are! When you don't allow yourself time to decompress, your brain gets trapped in a negative pattern and you stop being able to see opportunities for happiness and enjoyment in all areas of your life. So you have to make the time for the things you love and that bring you joy, no matter what someone else thinks about it.

What are the things you do that help you stay balanced and find happiness?

Early birthday fun

Day 26

For my birthday, my brother bought tickets for us (he and I) to go see a play in NYC. It wasn't just any play, though - it was a play, Bella and the Pool Boy, written by his former college roommate and being shown as a part of the NYC Fringe Festival. HOW FUN, right?

And, not only did we go to the play, but we went to dinner at a favorite restaurant first: Republic.

oh heavenly beef skewers with peanuts, noodles, and veggies...

I took my brother to Republic years ago. Or maybe he wanted a Thai restaurant recommendation and I just directed him to it? I don't even remember anymore. For both of us, though, it's our default go-to restaurant in NYC. The food is incredibly delicious, the service is amazingly fast, the location is great (Union Square), the prices are surprisingly reasonable, the decor is super fun (huge photos of people covered with noodles), the waitstaff is always fantastic, and it has communal seating. If you show up with fewer than six or eight people, you will undoubtedly end up sharing a long table and benches with people you've never met before (which I love).

Following dinner, we made our way over to the theater. The cast wasn't allowed in until a certain time, so we actually got to see them outside - which means my brother got to hang out with his former roommate and some other college friends for a bit. It was their opening night, so most of the people in the audience were friends and family (and the show was sold out).

The play itself was great - highly enjoyable. I found the directing to be particularly superb. There's one scene that happens in slow motion that was really incredible. I'm laughing to myself right now just picturing it.

And, coincidence of all coincidences? One of the guys in the play is good friends with my brother-in-law (the hubby's brother). He went to the same Rutgers school as my brother's friends, just a few years later, and they run in the same work circles, basically. So here I was, going to see my brother's friends, and there was someone else that I've seen at parties at my brother-in-law's a bunch of times. I love a small world.

The play was not just enjoyable, but good. You know my barometer for that? I was still thinking about it today - about the themes, the ideas, the jokes, the way it was staged. It was all so good. I really hope - and expect! - to see my brother's former roommate become a big star one day.

A Sober Year

One year ago today, someone very close to me did an incredibly brave thing and entered rehab for substance abuse.

On this day last year, I was so grateful that they took this step but I was worried - very, very worried - that rehab wouldn't work, that it wouldn't "stick."  And when the insurance company made them leave rehab after only a week, I was sick with worry.  I hoped with all the hope my body and mind could muster that the help they received in-patient and the help they would continue to receive out-patient would be enough, but I wasn't convinced.

Today, I'm thrilled to say that it was enough.  We've made it a year - and even though it was this one particular person's journey, I say "we" because it was a group effort, involving family and friends.  We've gone a full year, which means we've gone through every holiday - some where people were aware of the situation and some where they were not and so they did not alter their behavior around this person and this person had to confront living with other people who can still partake in activities that they no longer can.

I thought that would be the hard part because I know it would be for me.  Just being pregnant and choosing not to drink alcohol at all during the pregnancy was difficult.  I was cranky on holidays and New Years and St. Patrick's Day because I felt left out.  This person, however, faced similar situations and you would never know they had a problem and you would never notice they weren't partaking.  It's been amazing to witness.

I'm still frustrated that something like this has shame attached to it when, really, it's far braver to face your problems, admit them, and work hard to solve them.  It's much easier to deny and run and yet we don't give enough value to facing these problems, in my opinion.

At every turn, I expected to see struggle... but I didn't.  For a long time I thought it was more of a brave face than anything else, but it actually was just true bravery and strength.  Eventually, I stopped worrying, which I never thought would happen before a year passed.

But then one recent day happened.  One day that I can't get into detail about because, you know, we can't talk about details, but on a day that I was very directly involved with, this person faced the hardest moment of the year and very, very nearly broke their sobriety.

But they didn't.  They kept their faith and believed in their own strength and decided not to throw away what at that point was nearly a year's sobriety.  Until they told me later in the day that they thought about breaking their sobriety, it hadn't occurred to me to worry about that.  I had spent the day dwelling in my own reactions to what had happened (again, I wish I could go into detail, but I can't) and hadn't thought to worry.

But that was because my faith has grown now, too.  Because of this person's recovery, I see them completely differently now.  Certainly very differently than I did a year ago, but also very differently than five or ten years ago, as well.

The wisdom I come out of this with is this: remember that we all falter sometimes, stick by the people who need your help, and have faith that they can do incredible things.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday - Needs and Wants

I need (or want):

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new pants

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interesting, statement jewelry

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more dresses for work

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a date night with the hubby

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a vacation

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a new winter coat

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a baby carrier that fits Nate

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World Peace
(sorry, having a Miss America moment)

Monday Five Countdown

Five Things I'm Grateful For

1. My son.  He makes me laugh so many times throughout the day.

2. Buster actually barked yesterday to let me know he had to go outside.  This is a minor miracle because usually he looks around and if he doesn't see anyone, he'll go do his business outside the laundry room door.  Of course, later in the evening, he didn't bark and instead visited the laundry room door, but at least he had the idea once to do it.  That means there's hope.

3. Our landlord is really understanding about the current gas and electric bill situation and isn't simply saying, "Well, that's your bill.  You pay it, deal with it."  If that were the case, we'd have to move.  And, oh lordy, do I not want to move again any time soon.

4. Pandora.  There are no students at work today because there are no classes, so I can listen to music at my desk.  (Current artist: Johnny Cash.  Oh yeah.)

5. The deli guy at the supermarket yesterday.  I was shopping for pancetta and he came out and asked, "Can he have cheese?" looking at Nate.  I said yes and he handed over four thinly sliced pieces of American cheese, on the house.  I looked at Nate and informed him that this man is awesome because there is nothing better than free cheese.

Four Things I Can't Stop Thinking About

1. We got some very, very sad and shocking news last night regarding one of the hubby's family members.  There's nothing really to be done but deal with the aftermath and sadness. (I don't feel it's my place to be specific here, but I just keep thinking about it.)

2. My pants.  The amount that I have to cinch them now is ridiculous.  I either need to lose more weight to get into the smaller size pants I have or just buy a couple of pairs of work pants next month when I have a few extra dollars.  All this cinching is driving me crazy and I feel like it's beginning to look less neat than I would like to be.

3. My work schedule is all over the place for the next couple of weeks and I waste too much brain power constantly trying to remember when I'm working, when the hubby's working, and who's watching Nate when.

4. Balance. I don't remember the last time I had any time to myself with absolutely nothing needing to be done.  The responsibilities of being a working parent and primary homemaker are beginning to take their toll but I don't know what to do.

Three Things I Want To Accomplish This Week

1. Once again, need to clean the bathroom and the floors.  Didn't get to that this weekend.

2. Never did move the boxes and holiday stuff to my parents' house. Want to do that.

3. Breathe.  Focus.

Two Things I Am Working To Be Positive About

1. Balance.  In the middle of all the craziness, I'm losing the light in myself and my marriage.  I need to fight through this and not give up to this craziness.

2. Money.  Still a problem.  Always a problem.  This must be the year we end that.

One Random Thing

1. Tell your loved ones you love them.

(P.S. Did you know there's now a Bookish Penguin page on Facebook?  You know you want to go over there and like it.  Tell me where you want to live but know it'll probably never happen.)

So, what's going on with your five this week?  Please share - I really love to see other people's lists.