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Entries in The Force (38)

Tuesday
May252010

Yes, you feel better - says my razor.

DateTuesday, May 25, 2010 at 8:48PM

I've been planning to have this post be about how I feel like my normal self again and I would've written it earlier if I didn't need a nap.  But I did need a nap - more than I needed a shower or to blog - so I slept during Nate's afternoon nap.  After we both woke up and he had a bottle, he was ready to chill a bit and I figured it was a good time for a quick shower.  Then I hear a small crash in another room.

What could it be?  Did I leave something too close to the edge of a counter and it fell?  Or is it an intruder??  I walk around the kitchen and the nursery, but I see nothing out of place.  Weird.  So I head to take a shower and find my Schick Quattro razor (you know, the one that, um, shapes bushes in the commercial) in the middle of the shower floor.  It somehow propelled itself off the shower wall, base and all.

Yes.  I saw this as a sign.  My OB/GYN told me yesterday that I could remove the tape from my c-section incision, so I did, and I figured I may as well take care of, well, the area.  And then the battery in the Schick Quattro died.  No, I didn't kill it, I swear; it was just coincidence, but it was timely.  Thankfully it didn't die halfway through, leaving me half finished.

Not that it matters.  If you've had a baby or you know how the whole process works, then you know you can't get frisky for six weeks afterwards.  Well, I should be more specific.  You can't have sex.  As the nurse at the hospital put it, "No putting things in your vagina - no tampons or sex."  I love how she put it.  So, you can "get frisky" - just not in that particular way.

But anyway, this is all a really long intro to my main point, which is that I'm feeling really great (and my razor leaping out at me was just another part of feeling like myself again).  I've lost another ten pounds (so twenty total), I'm back in all my regular clothes, my incision is healing perfectly, I can sleep on my side, which means I can snuggle up with the hubby again, I'm getting a good amount of sleep, and being mommy to Nate feels like the most natural, easiest thing I've ever done in my entire life.  It's not easy like sitting on the sofa eating nachos is easy, but what I mean is that I don't have to think about it as much as I expected to.  He has needs; I meet them.  I give him tons of cuddles and kisses; and he's the first and last thing I think about every day.

It feels so good to just be me again.  I pick out clothes and don't worry about them fitting.  I slide shoes on without thinking about swollen feet.  I eat and drink without thinking about how it's affecting Nate.  I don't need a crane to get out of bed.  I only have to pee a few times a day.  I can slouch because it no longer feels like I have a suitcase in my gut.

My sister loves being pregnant and misses it afterwards.  I can't say that I'm the same.  Being pregnant was okay - I didn't hate it, but I also didn't love it.  It was just there.  I love having my body back to myself again, to do with it as I wish.

I'd do it all over again for this precious face, though:

I really am so happy to be me again - just a new me.  Mommy me.  Same clothes, new love.

AuthorCandice | Comment3 Comments |
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Wednesday
May122010

Introducing Nathaniel Martin

DateWednesday, May 12, 2010 at 10:07PM

Born 5/10/10

9:51am

8 lbs 0 oz

21 inches

 

Mommy is: crazy happy, incredibly tired (how do you live on 3 hrs of sleep a night and no naps???), terribly happy to have the hubby being the best dad ever, super emotional on the turn of a dime, and on day three of exclusive breastfeeding . . . and loving it when it works well and hating it more than anything when it's problematic.  So, all in all, I think this is normal.  (Yes?)

Love. Love. Love.

Nate's Birth Story - Part 1, Delivery Day - Prep

Nate's Birth Story - Part 2, Delivery Day - The Prize!

Nate's Birth Story - Part 3, The Hospital Stay - Visitorville

Nate's Birth Story - Part 4 - The Name

Nate's Birth Story - Part 5, The Hospital Stay - When it got hard

From Breast to Bottle - My Story

Nate's Birth Story - Part 6 - The Hospital Stay - When it got scary

Nate's Birth Story - Part 7 - Home - From anxiety to joy

AuthorCandice | Comment12 Comments |
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Monday
May102010

3... 2... 1... motherhood...

DateMonday, May 10, 2010 at 5:27AM

So here I sit, at the ungodly hour of 5am, fully awake, showered, dressed, and in my living room.  Somehow I feel like I'm going to get much more familiar with 5am in the years to come and maybe that's why there are so many birds singing outside my window right now, to remind me that it's not all terrible.

I wanted to post two posts this weekend: one wrapping up my final first pregnancy thoughts and one as a letter to my soon-to-be-born (very soon now!!) son, but I was so tired yesterday that it just didn't happen.

If you are squeamish, skip this section.  Okay... ready?  Still with me?  So yesterday my mucous plug came out (I hate the word "mucous" - it sounds how it looks, yech) and I started having minor contractions, really just along the line of "discomfort," nothing that would make me say, "Ow" (so, clearly, not real contractions).  But they came and went in waves and it's interesting to think that regardless of our surgical schedule today and all we did to get ready this weekend, our son is getting ready to join us as well.  He definitely felt much lower yesterday than he ever has before.

He was squirming around quite a bit yesterday, too.  They'll do one last sonogram at the hospital this morning, just to see for sure if he's flipped or not.  I don't expect him to have turned, but you never know.  If he has, then they just send me home (unless I go into labor while there, I suppose).

I stood in the nursery last night and cried, overwhelmed at how all that stuff is just things right now. Generic baby things waiting for a real baby to make use of them... and today, we get to meet that little boy who will make all that stuff his own.  The hubby and I went to bed at the same time last night - a rarity (and probably something that will stay a rarity now) and talked about how unreal this all is and how we're both a bit numb about it because it's just too huge to be able to think clearly about.  I said I feel like we just got married last month.  The hubby said, "I still can't believe I got you to marry me."  And then we made some off-color jokes that I won't go into here. :o)

For the record, my chief complaint right now?  I am absolutely, totally parched but have not been allowed to drink anything since midnight.  It's going to be a very long morning (day/week/life).

So after the hubby is done showering and getting ready, we get in the car and head to the hospital for a 6/6:30am arrival time.  Then it's time for paperwork and pre-surgery prep (that last sonogram, getting my IV in - auuuugh, something I haaate - and all that good stuff).  My sister had a similarly scheduled c-section last fall and she went in to the hospital at 6:30am, was in the OR around 9:30am and her daughter was born around 11:30am.  She finally made it to her hospital room around 3pm.  Since we're waiting to share the name with immediate family until they're there in person, we won't be posting it anywhere until after we see them at the hospital, so there won't be any text/Facebook/Twitter updates until much later today, which I'm pretty sure will drive everyone I know crazy.  But I just can't fathom putting my son's name out there online before I even get to tell my parents, so that's the way it's going to be.

The hospital has wireless access in all of the rooms and according to official hospital policy, the hubby can't stay 24 hours (we'll see if that's the true policy or just what's on the books).  But, if he does have to go, I'll have some quiet time and my netbook is in my hospital bag, so if I'm up to it, a blog post will certainly ensue, even if it's just a picture and a name and some details.  From here on out, life gets remarkably unpredictable.

The ride begins... and away we go...

AuthorCandice | Comment8 Comments |
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Wednesday
May052010

Little freakouts and laughs about forms

DateWednesday, May 5, 2010 at 3:29PM

I decided that I should get some paperwork ready today, like my disability forms and the information sheet for our pediatrician.  Since the pediatrician doesn't participate with the hospital I'll be delivering at, we just have to call the office for an appointment after The Force and I get released.

So what's the big deal, right?  Just forms.  I'm 34 - I've filled out a zillion forms in my life and will have to fill out a zillion more.

Except this time, in the case of the pediatrician's form, I'm not the patient.  I'm filling out the form on behalf of someone else.  On behalf of my child.  It was a moment to pause after I filled out my information as "person responsible for insurance" and then moved on to the "relationship to patient" line.

I've only ever filled out "self" for that.  Ever.  I've never filled out a form on behalf of the hubby so I never even completed one listing myself as "spouse."  But now?  I had to write "mother" on that line as my eyes began to well with tears and lump developed in my throat.  I did something else for a while, then continued with the form - only to be prompted to enter "Mother" and "Father" information.  For a split second, I almost wrote my parents' names until it hit me again: WE'RE the parents.  Holy crap.  WE are the parents?  Who let this happen?  Time to push back the tears again.

This is why I haven't worn mascara all week.  I can never tell anymore when a moment like this is going to pop up and I'm going to cry.

I'm about to be someone's mother, completely in charge of and responsible for his healthcare (amongst other things, of course, but maintaining your child's health to the best of your responsibility seems to be the biggest job of all, especially in the beginning).

Thankfully, I have the disability application to make me laugh.

First of all, maternity is a disability.  This isn't a new concept to me, having worked in benefits for so long, but it'll never cease to be strange.  Becoming a mother shouldn't be considered a disability... although ask me again in a week or so.  I might change my mind.

But onto the form... since this is a generic disability form, the questions are very general.  Because my "disability" is pregnancy, however, this creates some amusing moments in questioning:

#16 Describe your disability (How, when, where it happened)

Well, you see, it was a steamy August night... oh, wait, not what you're looking for?

#17 Was this injury/illness caused by your job?

Wouldn't the hubby be surprised.  :-/

#8 Type of surgery? Is surgery for cosmetic purposes only?

Well, yes - doesn't this baby make me look hot?

It's a shame we actually need the disability payments to come through and that writing down funny answers would delay the form and the payment - because I would really love to fill out the "true" answers.

As for the pediatrician, I'm sure it won't be the first time she gets paperwork with a few tear marks.

AuthorCandice | Comment4 Comments |
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Wednesday
May052010

Looking forward... and forward.

DateWednesday, May 5, 2010 at 7:30AM

There are things I need to do that I just don't want to do right now.  It's not that they're not enjoyable tasks; ordinarily, they absolutely are.  But right now?  I just kind of want to relax when I'm not at work.

Things I need to do that I ordinarily love doing but can't motivate myself to do right now:

1. Thank you cards from the baby shower - I mean, really.  I have to send these before the baby is born, right???  I have to get on this but the idea of sitting down and writing them out makes me tired.

2. All of my end-of-semester schoolwork - I just can't get going on this.  I think I can finish everything for my Diversity class, but I'm thinking about asking for an incomplete in my Time & Learning class.  I'd have a year to finish the work, but obviously I wouldn't take that.  I just need a little bit of time.  Buuuut... would I be able to complete my last two assignments with a newborn around?  Am I absolutely insane to ponder this option?

3. Anything else once I get home from work.  Seriously, I'm so motivated to do a bunch of stuff when I leave work.  Then I get home, change out of my work clothes... and become a lazy lump.  I haven't put away half the laundry I washed and folded on Friday.  I haven't finished packing my hospital bag. I haven't cooked anything more complicated than a grilled cheese sandwich.

But then there's so much to look forward to that blows this all out of the water.  For the moment, let's put The Force aside (um, not literally) and talk about what else I'm looking forward to post-birth:

1. Being able to move my body in the way that I'm used to.  It's frustrating to try and reach for things and not be able to get to them because I can't bend the belly.  I hate that I see stars every time I bend or stretch the belly too far.  It's hard to hoist myself out of bed in the morning.  Lying on the couch feels good... until I have to get up, which actually feels bad.  I miss my normal range of motion (which is also related to #6 below).

2. Being able to eat and drink what I want without having to think about how it affects The Force.  If I want caffeinated coffee, I can have it.  If I'm too lazy to eat a healthy breakfast, I don't have to.  If I want to eat pizza four days in a row, I can without worrying about how the nutritional deficiency is affecting someone's brain development.  (Okay, if I'm able to breastfeed, this is different, but still will hold slightly true.  And, besides, I don't expect this to last long.  I just need a few days of food freedom.)

3. Alcohol.  I would like a mojito.  And a Jack and Diet Coke.  And a beer.  And a glass of Reisling.  (But not all at once because I'd rather not spend a night on the bathroom floor.)  Like the food, it's just a fix that I need.  I'm not about to head into a binge.  I just need to feel the freedom of ordering an adult beverage again and then I won't miss it so much.  (As I sigh, remembering today is Cinqo de Mayo.)

4. In the past week, my feet have started swelling.  Yesterday they entered crazy-swollen-pregnant-feet territory.  They got HUGE at work.  HUGE.  They looked like potatoes.  Or tanks.  And they throbbed, they felt so stretched to their limit.  I would like that to be over.

5. This is the slot that would be occupied by a wish for free time - the free time that would be afforded me by a sudden disappearance of double weekly doctor's appointments and hours spent in the bathroom (going every 30 minutes adds up).  But I know the whole free time issue will just get worse and I'll dream of being able to leave the house alone for a doctor's appointment or spend three minutes in the bathroom in peace.  So forget this list item exists.

6. Being able to snuggle with the hubby again.  With the body pillow that helps me sleep plus the room the belly takes up, it's been months since I've been able to snuggle up with him in bed... and it sucks.  I know we won't be getting lots of sleep, but it'd be nice to have the snuggle option when we do.

~~~

I know I've been very lucky with this pregnancy and do not mean to complain.  I avoided morning sickness, early swelling, a huge weight gain, and constipation.  I consider myself darn lucky... but I am ready to move on to the next stage now.

Tonight is THE sonogram.  If The Force is breech, my OB will schedule the c-section for Monday.  If by some luck he's turned, this Friday is still my last day at work and I get to relax at home and wait for labor to begin (well, or take long walks and wait for labor to begin).  Either way, we are in the home stretch.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to stretch out my fat feet.

(While I do that, check out the latest post from my favorite blog, Girl's Gone Child.  Would you not love, love, looooove to live in this house?  I am aching with jealousy.)

AuthorCandice | Comment1 Comment |
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