I woke up at 4am on Monday, 15 minutes before my alarm was scheduled to go off because, as usual, I had to go to the bathroom (ah, the end weeks of pregnancy).  But I was also super worried about oversleeping and had woken up every hour since I had gone to bed anyway.  I thought about how it was the last time I'd wake up in my home without a child in it - our child - and headed to take a shower.

In just a short little while, the hubby and I were in the car, headed to the hospital for my scheduled c-section.  I wish I remembered what we talked about because, really, what do you talk about in a moment like that?  I know we both said we loved each other and held hands throughout the ride, but other than that, I don't know.  It was one of those moments that feels too big for any conversation, even one simply acknowledging how big the moment is.

At the hospital, we went up to the labor and delivery area and were put in a room for prep.  I changed out of my sweats, thinking again how it was the last time I'd wear those clothes while pregnant, and put on the lovely hospital gown, leaving my own socks on.  I was expecting to sit around and have a bit of a wait, but it seemed we had arrived 30 minutes later than they expected us (6:30am instead of 6:00am) and so everyone was 1 - more than ready to get us going and 2 - moving right along with that plan.  I answered the same questions over and over again about my health, the pregnancy, and even domestic abuse (they had me answer those in writing, so the hubby couldn't see my answers - questions like, "Do you feel unsafe going home?" - I thought it was interesting and really great that they ask that as routine).  Another question they asked was why I was there for a c-section, and the question definitely had a tone of preferring that my answer not be that this was elective.  ("May I ask why you have scheduled a c-section?")  This was my first glimpse into the hospital's overall philosophy, which is very mother and baby healthy and progressive.

Soon after the majority of the questioning was over, it was time to have my IV put in.  This would be the first of many needles over the next couple of days and it went surprisingly smooth, although they had to put it in the crook of my left elbow instead of in my hand because my veins are "flat and roll."  Meanwhile, I met the anaesthesiologist and the various nurses and residents that would be assisting in the c-section.  Everyone was super friendly and nice and made me feel comfortable overall.  One of the specialists did a final ultrasound to confirm that Nate was still breech, which he was.  They actually had a hard time finding his heartbeat when they put on the monitor because he had scrunched himself all the way to the left of uterus, kind of in a "C" shape, as best as I can understand it.  He was definitely out of room and ready to move out.

Soon my OB/GYN came in and gave me a quick run-down of how things would go and that we'd be getting started in 15 minutes.  He was actually running a few minutes behind, so the fact that we were late actually saved us some "sitting around doing nothing" time, which I'm grateful for because there are few times I want to do that less than before surgery.

Before I knew it, those 15 minutes were up and I was being walked to the operating room while the hubby was taken to the recovery room to drop off our belongings.  He had already put on his scrubs, which looked like a space suit made out of toilet paper and, for some reason, had a collar - like a collared shirt.  This is Jersey so, naturally, the hubby popped the collar and it gave us a good laugh in our final minutes before the OR.

I started to get nervous as I entered the OR.  I have had two surgeries before and have been put under anaesthesia three times before, but I had never had local anaesthesia (other than at the dentist).  They had me get up on the operating table and hunch over, leaning on a surgical resident for support, as they performed the spinal.  I had read about it and my sister had one so I knew what to expect, but of course knowing doesn't take away the discomfort.  They numbed the needle insertion area first and then put in the needle.  I didn't feel the needle quite as much as I felt the sensation of something being rooted around in my lower back and the upper area of my right butt cheek.  Every now and then it would hurt and I would gasp, but I had to stay completely still.  I had started having contractions the morning prior, but thankfully had none during this procedure.

At one point when it hurt particularly sharply, I hummed a bit (just something I do when soemthing hurts) and one of the people said, "Oh, now someone's singing to us."  I said, "Either I'm humming or I'm swearing, so I figured humming was good" which made everyone laugh.

Eventually the anaesthesiologist found what she was looking for and I felt my feet start to tingle and go numb, like I had been sitting on them and they fell asleep.  They had me swing my legs up on the table and lie down as my legs went increasingly numb, the sensation crawling up through my legs toward my hips.  They strapped my arms down and put up the "screen" that would prevent the hubby and I from actually seeing the surgery.

It was at this point that I started to have a bit of anxiety.  ORs are always cold, so it's natural to shiver a little with nerves and with the effects of the anaestesia.  I didn't have the shakes badly, but the fact that my upper body was shaking while everything from the waist down was paralyzed began to freak me out.  Plus, the hubby wasn't in the room yet because they don't bring him in until the last second, when they're completely prepped and ready to start, and I really wanted (needed) him there far before he was brought in.

I used to take medication for anxiety, but that was more than ten years ago so it's not a current issue I deal with regularly - but, still, I recognize it when it peeps through every now and again.  It was clear I was getting very nervous, so my OB came over and held my hand.  Within seconds, it was like someone had given me an anxiety medication.  My heart rate and breathing relaxed, my fidgeting decreased and my overall feeling of anxiety quelled.  The combined power of the human touch and a calm, confident doctor with an excellent bedside manner is simply amazing.

But then it was time for him and the other doctors to scrub up for the surgery, at which point they would return with the hubby.  So I had a few very long minutes' wait until I felt relaxed again.  The hubby sat down next to my head and held my hand and, again, it was the greatest help.  I did continue to be anxious, though.  It was freaking me out that I felt numb and couldn't move.  One's natural instinct when one's foot or leg falls asleep is to shift, move, shake it, and so on - and I couldn't.  I felt extremely trapped and helpless and just couldn't completely shake the anxiety so at one point they did put some anti-anxiety medication in my IV and after that it wasn't an issue anymore.

Now we just had to sit (or in my case, lay) tight and wait for the moment they would bring our son into the world...

Introducing Nathaniel Martin

Nate's Birth Story - Part 1, Delivery Day - Prep

Nate's Birth Story - Part 2, Delivery Day - The Prize!

Nate's Birth Story - Part 3, The Hospital Stay - Visitorville

Nate's Birth Story - Part 4 - The Name

Nate's Birth Story - Part 5, The Hospital Stay - When it got hard

From Breast to Bottle - My Story

Nate's Birth Story - Part 6 - The Hospital Stay - When it got scary

Nate's Birth Story - Part 7 - Home - From anxiety to joy