I find it really difficult to be cheerful and lighthearted when I'm having money issues.  Put these money issues smack dab in the middle of the holiday season and it's just even worse.

What really gets me this time around is that the recent loss of funds was unforeseen and, on one account, entirely someone else's fault.

Because I'm in school at least half-time, my student loan payments are deferred until graduation.  I recently transfered a number of loans with Sallie Mae over to the Direct Loan Servicing Center (government lender) so as to make things much easier in regards to payments and for future loan payment arrangements.  (When one lender owns all your government loans, it makes it easier for them to see how that payment affects your income.)

In doing that, however, it opened a "new" consolidation loan in my account and turned off my in-school deferment.  I saw this, called them, and pointed it out.  They told me it wouldn't be a problem because the deferment would be back in place before the next payment would be due.

Four days after we bought the new car, the student loan folks took $720 out of my account.  $720 might not be a lot of money to some people, but it is for us.  I've filed an appeal to get the money back, but don't have great hopes of this being approved.  Even if for some random reason it is approved, I was told it would take 4-6 weeks to receive the refund.  Happy New Year.

In addition, I took my car in for some repairs, expecting it to cost about $650, which I was ready to cover.  Unfortunately, there were many, many things wrong with my car and the most urgent repairs cost $1500.  (There are additional repairs costing about $2500 that will have to wait a few months.)  This is the part that is partly my fault since it's been a long time since I had any work done on the car, so these are all things that probably needed to be done over time and I just wasn't a good car owner about it all (i.e. I was a distracted grad student not really thinking about car maintenance, but I should have been).

So we went from feeling comfortable and ready for the holidays to being short $2250.  (Well, we haven't paid the $1500 car repair bill yet but it's coming due in a few weeks and we have to save up for it.)  Now we have to manage our new car payment this month, the new car insurance payment (it went up just a little), and all the necessary holiday expenses plus daily expenses . . . but are short $2250 for the past two months.

So, there went the outdoor decorations I wanted to buy.  I know what I want to buy the hubby for Christmas and now I don't know if I'll be able to.  There went all the spoiling of my nephews and niece I wanted to do.  There went a new pair of boots and some new scarves for winter.  There went any new supplies I wanted for Christmas cookie baking (new rolling pin and pastry mat).

Is it a crisis?  No.  We paid our rent, we just bought some groceries, I have gas in my car, and so on.  We're even right now.  Even, but I'm not feeling the holiday cheer because I don't have a nickel to spare.  I hate how having money to spend is so linked to what I enjoy about the holiday season.  I have so much to be thankful for and I want to spread the happiness I feel overall, but particularly in the holiday season.  December makes me happy - the chill in the air, the snow, the lights and decorations, the coats, scarves, and gloves.  I love all of it.

But I love buying gifts and I love sending holiday cards . . . but I haven't even started on either one and I don't know when I'll be able to . . . and it's bringing me down.  I'm trying to stay cheerful, but it's not easy.

I just keep reminding myself that I have everything I need.  I have love, family, and friends.  I'm just hoping I can pull enough nickels together so I can share the love via some holiday cards to those family and friends.

Yesterday I played poker for the first time.  Yes, I'm 34 and have never played poker before.  I just wasn't ever around it - my parents don't play, my college friends didn't play.  It just never came up.

When I met the hubs, he and his friends hung out every Monday for "Poker Night" . . . except Poker Night never involved playing poker.  Supposedly it did at one point before I came along, but I have no proof (but I'll take their word for it).  Last night, however, they finally held a true poker night.  This left me wishing that "Learn to play poker and play in a game" was on my 101 in 1001 list.  Darn!!

But to sum up the evening: I came.  I saw.  I conquered.

Yes, I won!  No kidding, I really won!!

We all chipped in $5 apiece (9 people for $45 total) with an agreement that the first place winner would get $30 and the second place winner would get $15.  Good deal, right?  I didn't mind losing $5 so I was totally up for that.

That said, I hate losing.  HATE losing.  At one point I was doing poorly and felt myself getting really cranky, so I had some more to drink and decided to just play bravely.  Try bluffing a little, take some more risks on cards that looked like they wouldn't turn out to be worth anything . . . and it paid off!  That and some luck, of course (since half of it can be simply what cards you get).

Oh, and I was wearing my Trinity College - Dublin shirt.  I figured a bit of the luck o' the Irish couldn't hurt, which is why I also wore these:

Purchased at the Guinness Storehouse in Dublin when I was there last spring and last night was the first time I ever wore them.  And, yes, those are Irish Drinking Socks with an exclamation point.

I think I officially have my first lucky piece of clothing.