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Entries in health (33)

Monday

Aug022010

I have a tool and am a tool

Monday, August 2, 2010 at 11:07PM

People who have WLS (weight loss surgery) often refer to it as "a tool" - as in, it's a tool to help you eat better, not a magical solution that works on its own. And sometimes it's possible to get out of touch with the surgery. You get so comfortable eating that you forget you have limitations.

source

My surgery was nearly six and a half years ago, so I definitely lose touch with my tool. I eat chocolates and they have no effect on me. I eat things that used to bother me that no longer do - often forgetting they ever bothered me. The restrictions are never far from my mind since unless I'm eating something I eat all the time, I have to think about how it'll sit with me - especially when we eat at/from a restaurant.

This past week, though, my tool made a tool of me. Twice this week I ate something that made me throw up (known as "dumping syndrome" in the wls world - not because your body tries to dump the contents ASAP, but because the fat "dumps" into your body too fast and you feel sick). I won't mention the restaurants because it's not their fault, it's mine (although it kind of is their fault for making food that is SO high in fat that it makes me sick when a Snickers bar doesn't - that'll tell you something).

The first time, I really had no idea I was possibly in trouble. I ate a great chicken wrap... but it had avocado on it. Too much avocado, I think, and while avocado is healthy, it's high in fat - even if it's good fat - and it did a number on me. Up it came after first feeling like I swallowed a sparkler. (That feeling always lets me know it's time to excuse myself for some private washroom time.)

Then tonight I ate fried chicken. I've been craving it for ages and haven't eaten it in a year... and before that, it was probably four years. But I ate it, even though looking at it, I knew it looked greasy and dangerous. And I was right. Damn sparkler feeling, into the washroom.

Sigh. Talk about a learning curve.

I wonder sometimes when this will become fully second nature. And then I realize it just won't for me. Eating well has to be a conscious thing for me. It's not second nature. I fully believe I can get to a point where it is, but it's going to take a long time because I'm surrounded by people and things that tempt me and I'm not good at resisting. The resisting is going to have to become second nature. I'm going to have to watch my husband eat fast food and not feel like I'm missing out. I'm going to have to watch a chocolate commercial and not spend the next few days thinking about that chocolate until I buy it.

I've come far. I have no doubt I physically and mentally feel better when I eat healthfully. I love how it feels to be energized after a meal instead of sluggish. What I have to do is really connect the knowledge and experience of those feelings with the part of me that just wants to give in all the time. I'm fine with giving in sometimes. Strict dieting is a sure recipe for binging for me. I know my food tendencies, weaknesses, and strengths so well.

So why is this all still so hard?

But I have faith it won't be one day. I know it. I feel it in my soul. That person who's happy when healthy is in there. And she's not unhappy now, but it could be significantly better. We'll get there.

Somehow I'm now referring to myself as two distinct people. Um... I should probably go check what was in that decaf tea I just drank.

Crossposted to WeAreTheRealDeal

Candice |

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Friday

Jul302010

Fill in the Blank Friday

Friday, July 30, 2010 at 9:08AM

A little fun Friday thing brought to you from the little things we do... and today's is about sleep. Oh, glorious sleep.

1. The last thing I do before going to sleep is peek at Nate to make sure he's still breathing.

2. When I can't sleep I read on my Nook, although I need to get a book light for it now because Nate sleeps in our room and I can't turn on a light when he's asleep.

3. The first thing I do when I wake up is look at the clock, listen for Nate, and try to figure out if I can go back to sleep.

4. When I'm tired I get cold and mean. It's like my brain shorts out; I can't even listen to the simplest requests.

5. My dream bedroom would be a blue similar to/same as the one I have now. The room would be large enough to move around freely in, have a walk-in closet, en suite bathroom, dressing area, and a vanity (can you tell I've been watching too much HGTV?). Last night, House Hunters International showed a couple looking for a cottage in Oxfordshire, England. I've decided that my bedroom window needs to have an English countryside view. Oh, and the window would have a window seat.

6. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning it would be a new home. I love waking up next to the hubby and Nate, but I just want to live in a bigger place.

7. The longest sleep I've ever had was when I had Epstein Barr and slept on and off for a week. I would wake up in the morning, take a shower, and then be so exhausted from that simple act that I'd have to go back to bed.

8. I sleep on my everything. I turn like a rotisserie chicken throughout the night. I used to fall asleep on my stomach only, but pregnancy forced me out of that and now I can fall asleep on any side.

9. When I sleep, I like to wear sweatpants and a t-shirt (because the hubby keeps the bedroom at a sub zero temperature), although I recently bought a cotton nightgown and have been finding it really comfortable.

10. My bedtime is usually around midnight. No matter what I do, I just can't get in there before then, probably because Nate falls asleep around 11pm and I like to get a few things done after he falls asleep.

1. The last thing I do before going to sleep is pop in my little pink ear plugs .

2. When I can't sleep I wiggle around tossing and turning in bed and Craig gets pissed off .

3. The first thing I do when I wake up is pee and then take my vitamins .

4. When I'm tired I get SUPER cranky. I start slurring my words and getting all hostile - mostly with Craig though only cause he's the only one who ever sees me really tired .

5. My dream bedroom would be all whites with little splashes of yellow, pale turquoise and grey - white linens and fluffy down pillows/comforter that would magically stay permanently pristine. I would have a little reading nook with comfy chairs that would sit in front of a fireplace and I'd also have a bay window - I know they're not that stylish or anything, but I've wanted one since I was little). It would also have a massive bathroom with black honeycomb tiles and a shower with two shower heads. Can you tell I've thought about this? .

6. If I could wake up anywhere tomorrow morning it would be on a tropical beach in a hammock - I don't even care where .

7. The longest sleep I've ever had was when I got back from being in Kenya for 3 weeks - worst jet lag ever .

NOW for my bonus blanks because I slacked last week....

8. I sleep on my stomach when I first go to sleep, but I always end up on my side...my right side to be precise .

9. When I sleep, I like to wear cotton PJ pants or shorts and tank tops .

10. My bedtime is usually between 10 and 11. I'm getting old .

Candice |

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Monday

Jul192010

Oh, you again.

Monday, July 19, 2010 at 6:30AM

Dear PMS:

I hate to tell you, but I had actually forgotten about you. After nine months of relating any mood swings to pregnancy hormones, I completely forgot that you used to visit once a month and throw my moods for a loop.

All things considered, you weren't ever all that terrible to me compared to how you are to some of my friends. You don't bring me any cramps, headaches, or acne. The only thing you've ever reliably brought me have been mood swings.

But let's talk about those for a minute. I didn't miss them. The one thing about pregnancy that I adored more than anything else was just how happy I felt so much of the time. I was even kinder to the students at work, laughing instead of snarling when they couldn't figure out how to put paper in the printer. It was the first time in my life I ever felt that content continuously. (I can only imagine that it must be how my sister, always so bubbly, feels all the time.)

But this past week? It was hard to recognize you at first, but then one day, after feeling oddly out of sorts and teary about something that wasn't such a big deal, it dawned on me that you had to be back after nearly a year's retreat. But I suppose having you back is better than my first suspicion that I was beginning to go a bit crazy.

So, welcome back, I suppose. But don't feel obligated to extend your stay.

Candice |

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Monday

Jun212010

A short moment, huge relief

Monday, June 21, 2010 at 11:49PM

Today was Nate's ultrasound on his hip to do a (hopefully) final check on the click they found in his hip on our last day in the hospital when he was born. His pediatrician checked it the week after he was born and at his one month appointment. She didn't feel it anymore at the one month appointment so she was sure he was okay, but the ultrasound was the final, firm check.

Well, the ultrasound went perfectly today and Nate was super good for the technician. He had a bottle right beforehand, so he was very calm for the test. The tech had us lay him down on a hospital bed and undo one side of his diaper and then we put him on his side and the tech put the gel on him and did the ultrasound on his hip. At one point, he had to stress the joint by pushing the knee up into the chest - and he had to do this three times on each side. Nate was fine the first two times but the third time he started crying like, "Okay, I gave you two, but this is it." Then we had to turn him around and do the same thing on the other side, which he didn't cry for at all, but the tech remarked that he was pushing back a lot and had really strong legs (which we already knew - he loves to try to stand on our laps when we hold him!).

The tech said that everything looked fine but he was taking the results out to the specialist and would be back in about 15-20 mins with the results... but he was back in literally about 45 seconds. The tests were absolutely perfect, NO issue at all. Nate's pediatrician will get the results and probably go over them with us at his 2 month appointment, but they said this should be the end of it - no indication this needs any more follow-up. Yay!!

This is a huge, huge, HUGE relief. This issue scared me so incredibly when they first mentioned it at the hospital and I'm so glad to hear that it isn't something we need to worry about anymore.

I would have done anything to make sure Nate was okay and healthy. Anything. I have never before been so willing to give absolutely everything I have, every ounce of energy, every smallest bit of effort, to make sure someone else was okay. He's six weeks old today and it still amazes me how much entire portions of my outlook on life, myself, and so many things has altered irrevocably in such a relatively short period of time.

And I couldn't be more grateful.

Candice |

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Sunday

Jun132010

You spin me right round, baby

Sunday, June 13, 2010 at 5:22PM

This morning the hubby was on baby duty. Since I handle most mornings with Nate, I ask that the hubby take one or two mornings of the weekend so I can get a little extra rest. I don't mind doing the majority of the baby work while I'm on leave and the hubby works, but I do like to catch a few extra zzz's if I can at least once a week.

The problem is, I still wake up when Nate fusses. But this morning I woke up to a bit of a surprise. I turned over to my left side, lifted my head - and was greeted by my bedroom spinning like a centrifuge. This was not like when you're drunk and your stomach feels like the room is spinning - my eyes were seeing the room spin - and I was along for the ride.

It was weird... and scary. For the rest of the morning, I stayed in bed but every time I turned my head to the left, the room would spin. If my eyes were closed, my stomach had that drunken room spinning feeling. I lay in bed wondering if I had come down with vertigo and how I would manage caring for a newborn while dealing with vertigo. I've had two friends have vertigo, so I've heard how unpleasant and all-consuming it is.

When I got up and mentioned to the hubby how I was feeling, his theory was sleep deprivation.

Really? Can simply being sleep-deprived make the room spin? And how sleep-deprived does one have to be? And how could I be that sleepy without realizing it? Without feeling that sleepy?

A quick Google search confirmed that the hubby's theory is probably right. Really? I guess I have been caffeinating myself into oblivion and not realizing it? I think forgoing most caffeine in pregnancy has the added benefit of making it super effective after the baby is born, when apparently you can be so tired that your bedroom does a loop-dee-loop.

The lesson? I guess I need to try harder to get more sleep. Go to bed a little earlier at night, try harder to take a nap during the day. Nate has been taking such short naps during the day lately, though, that I wouldn't even have the time to fall asleep before he starts fussing himself awake.

So how does this get done? How do you stay just sleepless enough that you get everything done but not so much that your bedroom turns into a carnival ride?

Candice |

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