Navel Gazing

Nate's belly button stub fell off last weekend, so I've been cleaning his belly button every day as it continues to heal.  As I clean Nate, I always talk to him and narrate what I'm doing (eventually this will help him learn the parts of his body).  The other day, as I was dabbing his belly button with a cotton ball dipped in water, I said, "This is where you were attached to mommy..." and then I burst into tears.  It's still so incredible that he came from me.  Obviously, he came from the hubby as well, but I'm not sure it won't ever be amazing to me that my body incubated, nourished, and supported him until he was ready to join us.

I have been known to be a bit overly introspective - to be a cliché "navel gazer" - but I have literally spent time pondering my navel, specifically because it's fake.

Yes, I have a fake belly button.

When I had my tummy tuck, part of the excess skin they removed was the area including my belly button.  As an adult, we don't need a belly button but we feel weird without one, so the surgeons create a belly button in the newly tight belly during the tummy tuck procedure.

I've often pondered the significance of having your navel removed - of having that place where you were first nourished and supported by your mother removed.  As I thought about it, the more it made me feel disconnected and almost less than human as I no longer had any physical proof of this most primal connection.

Of course having a fake belly button doesn't truly mean that my relationship with my mother or my relationship with the natural order of things is different.  Those relationships are what they always were.  But now, as I gaze at Nate's navel every day, I find myself so thankful it's there - that I can look at it and remember all the time he spent inside me and all the thinking I did about his well-being every day.

Am I crazy?  Do other mothers stare at their babies' belly buttons and think about how it represents their point of connection?

I'd post a picture of Nate's belly button, but he's snoozing right now and I don't want to wake him up to sign the picture waiver.  (You know, in case he finds the picture embarassing later in life, I've got to cover my arse.)  ;)