I was in the same room as The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond.

I know!  I KNOW!!!

Sitting in a session at BlogHer, I check Twitter on my phone and notice that @thepioneerwoman has Tweeted about the session I'm sitting in.

I do manage to avoid whiplash by not instantly whipping my head around to look for her.  She can probably walk down the streets of NYC pretty anonymously, but at BlogHer, she certainly cannot so I was fairly sure she would be sitting near the back.  Once the question and comment part of the session began, though, and someone was walking around the room with a microphone, I used that time as an excuse to look around and, lo and behold, there she was.

But here's the thing: while she is lovely and wonderful and a great blogger, the session panelists were still the focus of my attention.

The session we both sat in was titled "Grief, Loss, Tragedy and Community on the Internet."  Even though this is not a topic I have firsthand experience about, I knew of several of the bloggers on the panel and was interested in hearing their stories.  You can click on the title link above to read the live blog of the session (it would be well worth your time).

I applaud the bloggers on the panel for sharing their stories, first online and then in this session.  There were few dry eyes in the room; I, for one, was nearly sobbing at some points.  I bought waterproof mascara for the weekend because I was sure I'd tear up about missing Nate.  That mascara earned its keep during this panel session alone.

But what was so heartwarming was the discussion about the community they have all found online.  While her husband, Peter, had us all crying, Anissa Mayhew was particularly funny in describing her reaction to the 12,000 emails and huge Facebook and Twitter explosions she returned home to after she left the hospital following a stroke that had put her in a coma.  Another blogger, Loralee Choate, talked about how she wished she was blogging and had an online community when her three and a half month old son, Matthew, died of SIDS.  Her story, in particular, has stuck with me since Nate will be three months old this Tuesday and the idea of that happening is easily the most horrifying thing I can imagine and I've actually cried about it several times since the panel ended.  Loralee has all the admiration from me that I can humanly muster and then some because I can't fathom what it takes to go on from there, to simply scrape yourself off the floor and even manage to breathe.  It's been far from easy for her, but she's doing it.  She and the other bloggers all stated that the support they get online helps them - that some days, it's what saves them.

That morning I attended the International Activist Blogger Scholarship Recipients Keynote, where several women who use blogs as places to fight for human rights and freedoms many of us take for granted spoke about the work they do.  Their work is so important yet dangerous that no video or pictures were allowed during the session because revealing the women's identities could be fatal for them.

What power those commenters have.  What power those activists have.  What power we all have as readers and as writers.  Can you imagine your life being in danger because of what you publish daily?  I barely can.  It really made me question the purpose my blog serves.  What greater good am I achieving?  Am I achieving any?

The blogosphere gets mocked as a slushy sphere of navel-gazing, but in reality it's this amazing place where real people reach out to and support other real people.  This is what I've taken away from BlogHer.  It's a crazy, overwhelming experience, even when you're used to attending large conferences, but somehow I managed to come home feeling a renewed sense of peace and purpose and motivation in my writing.

I feel renewed that even though I can and do love my son enough, I can keep trying to love him more because you have to treasure every single moment.  And if I just want to hold him sometimes and not put him down, that's fine.

I feel reaffirmed that I can recognize good people when I meet them online, especially when they're even more wonderful in person.

I'm proud that I can spot one of my favorite bloggers and only squee in my head while remaining composed on the exterior.  (Okay, most composed.  There may have been some whispering and extra glancing.  Here's where I add that Danielle and I spotted The Pioneer Woman again later in the Hilton lobby.. with Marlboro Man!  Sure, you might get to meet Ree at a book signing or something, but who gets to see Marlboro Man??  And here is where I add that Ree is tall and stunningly gorgeous and so is Marlboro Man.  Together, they might be the most handsome couple I've seen in real life.)

I might not be The Pioneer Woman, but I've had readers send me emails thanking me for particular posts or certain topics I've covered because something I've written helped them through something or understand something or think about something in a different way.  Unless they tell you, you really never know who you're helping - or even who's reading.  And even if you only know you're helping yourself by writing what you like to write, that's enough.

As I've said before, I'm not the "glass half full," cheery, "go get 'em tiger!" type of gal.  I'm just not.  I could say it's because then you're not let down as often, if you're prepared for what might happen, but I think that's the answer I cultivated as an angst-ridden teenager.  These days, it's just how I feel most comfortable approaching life.

But, that said, I kind of secretly tend to look on the bright side of things.  There's no need in being pessimistic about things, because then you just expend so much negative energy waiting for something to go wrong and bringing down the other people around you.  Being realistic about life doesn't mean you have to be a Debbie Downer.

As Monty Python says, "What've you got to lose? You come from nothing, you gone back to nothing.  What've you lost?  Nothing!"

No one would ever consider me a Suzy Sunshine type... ever... but there's a way to see the positive side of things that isn't obnoxiously sunshine-y.  For example, this past weekend, the hubby and I went to IKEA and picked out a new dining table and chairs and new shelves for the living room, hallway, and soon-to-be nursery.  This probably took two hours.  We got to the self-service section of the store only to realize... WE LOST THE SHEET WE WROTE ALL THE DETAILS ON.  You know, that little paper where you write what you wanted and where it's located in self-service?

Oh lordy.  The hubby was pissed.  PISSED.  If you see a hole in the wall of the Paramus IKEA, don't bother wondering why it's there.  Hulk SMASH.

Me?  I was disappointed, sure.  My feet were aching, it was too hot, my pants were annoying me, and the children running rampant everywhere with no parental intervention were annoying me further... but I didn't see a point in getting upset.  We had two choices - start over or just leave with nothing.  So we started over.  We had already spent so much time making the decisions, so now we just had to go through, remember what we decided earlier, and write it down again.  It probably took 1/3 the time our first trip through took - and it was totally worth it.  If we were both angry and steaming, it would have been torturous - but I stayed calm and we just went ahead with what we had to do, and all went well.

So, sure, life is a bit tough right now.  There's the rehab thing.  And the whole being-pregnant-and-worrying-about-everything thing.  But you can choose to face these things with hope.

And sometimes the universe rewards you.  Yesterday I got an email letting me know I won a free copy of the movie Whip It (starring Drew Barrymore and Ellen Page) from a contest I entered on Babble.

I'm so super excited about this.  I didn't get to see the movie when it was in theaters, but really wanted to.  Now I'll be able to watch it whenever I want!

Then, as I tweeted, I won a free pass to BlogHer '10!  I was out to dinner with the hubby when the email came in and I just said, "Oh my god.  OH my god.  OH MY god!" so, of course, with the week we were having, the hubby was like, "Uh, is that a good oh my god - or a bad one?" 

It's a good one - no, a GREAT one!  I signed up for the BlogHer '10 conference months ago because, as a student, I get a discounted rate so it's affordable, and it's in NYC so I won't need a hotel or travel (except for a bus into the city).  Danielle, of Delightfully Sweet, wanted to go, but the non-student passes are a bit pricey so we were trying to find a way to make this work.  Whoever won the free pass could use the pass herself or share it with a friend, so we gave the contest a whirl... and now we get to go to BlogHer together!

For me, the news came on a day where I was just tired, exhausted by the goings-ons of the week, Buster's continued rambunctiousness, and thoughts of all the schoolwork I'm behind on plus all the apartment baby prep we have to do.  These are all just tiring things brought on by good things, though - I'm glad that person is in rehab, I'm overjoyed that we're having a baby, and I love going to school and having Buster around... but it all gets tiring.

Yet, sometimes, when you're having to work a little harder at looking on the bright side of life, life itself gives you a little boost.  And, other times, it steals your IKEA notes.  But, whatever, it all evens out in the end.