A poem for Thursday

A little poem for today (and I don’t know what’s up with the AABCCB rhyme scheme I just made up; I’m feeling odd today – perhaps I hit my head when I fell and just don’t remember):

Today, This Thursday

Today began with my arse on the ice;

Walking Buster, I slipped more than twice.

But only once was I totally felled

By an unkind neighbor’s unsalted drive.

At least I didn’t completely swan dive

Into the dirty, slushy road snow that dwells.

Today the sun has been shining bright

And I sure hope its heat bears its might

Down upon the remaining icy ways

That make me – unlikely! – wish for spring

And all the annoyingly happy sunshine it brings.

I long to read outdoors in a chaise.

Instead, I am stuck inside, at my desk

Surfing for jobs that are not grotesque

So the hubby can find something he enjoys -

Somewhere he’ll be happy to go every day

With a boss who won’t make him want to run away

So hopefully on weekends he can jam with the boys.

I don’t feel like it’s too much to ask

For steady employment with a list of tasks

That don’t contradict or require odd hours

So we could have family weekends

And do crazy things like see our friends!

And the hubs and I could feel more empowered.

The bills keep coming and paying is a stretch;

And I have no interest in continuing to kvetch,

But this lack of money and of free time

Is taking a toll on my home and my life

And I’d rather enjoy being a wife

And all the things in a life sublime.

So here’s to hoping we all find peace

And a little place where we belong and can decrease

The stresses that chase us in our minds,

Leaving us only with happy, grateful notions

And the confidence that we, indeed, can move oceans

Because we have the love, support, and time

Of those with whom our lives intertwine.



Old enough to know better ... maybe?

This past Saturday night was my friend Danielle's bachelorette party.  Danielle's sensitivies are similar to mine, so I knew it wouldn't be a completely crazy night, but it was going to be fun and be a bit "more" than any of our ordinary times out and about.

We started out at Lucky Cheng's which, if you're not from the NYC area, may not be familiar to you. Their website calls it a "drag caberet dinner theater" which seems exactly right.  Basically, it's a restaurant where, while you have dinner, drag queens sing and dance and perform lap dances.

Yes, drag queen lap dances.  I know, it doesn't entirely make sense for a bachelorette party, but somehow it's become a bachelorette party staple.  This was my second time there for one (the first time being for my sister's bachelorette party seven years ago).  The last time, they had the bachelorettes participate in a banana eating contest.  (Get it?  A banana eating contest??)  This time they called up a random gay guy from the audience and had some of the bachelorettes/birthday girls give him lap dances and then had the rest of the audience choose the winner for best lap dance. 

It's all in good fun, although if you're easily embarrassed, it's so not the place for you.  The balloon maker made a big girl parts balloon for Danielle to wear on her head and her aunt bought her one of the lap dances, pictures and video of which will not be posted (you're welcome, Danielle).

Afterwards, we headed out to find a bar to spend a few more hours since it was still early, even for us young/new moms in the group.

Here's where I got in trouble.

I wanted a mojito.  For the love of all things fermented, I have not been able to have one since Nate was born.  Every time I try, they don't have what's needed or they simply don't make them.  This place simply didn't make them.  So I asked the bartender to make me something "simple with lime."  She mixed something up and it was delicious.  So I had two more.  Yum yum.  I had also had a Jack and Diet Coke and two drinks at Lucky Cheng's.

When I go up to the bar and finally think to ask what was in them, the bartender says, "Oh, it was just vodka and Sprite with a splash of lime."

Sprite?  Crap.  While there are many, many things I can now tolerate that I couldn't in the immediate years post-gastric bypass, regular soda is not one of them (or any other sugary liquid).  I can process food with sugar, to an extent, but not beverages.  And I had basically just drank the equivalent of a full can of Sprite.

I had also had a good amount of vodka.  However, I hadn't eaten much all day because I spent all day working on The Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls (more on that another time) and then getting ready for the party and heading out early, only to find out that my car wouldn't start and I needed a ride... and on and on and on.  It was a day - and what that ended up causing was no meals before dinner, which I never do.  I wish I was the sort of person who "forgets" to eat sometimes.  Ha.  I never forget to eat.  And then our dinner at Lucky Cheng's was very light, too light for me to be able to drink and handle that sugar onslaught.

So I ended up getting sick.  Really sick.  I was drunk and experiencing the worst dumping syndrome I've had in a long time.  I was sweating significantly, extremely exhausted, sick to my stomach, and dizzy.  What does that all look like, though?  Just being drunk, really sloppy drunk.  I ended up in the bathroom at the bar, trying to get some of those drinks out of my system, but the "problem" with gastric bypass is that if you don't throw up immediately, you're not going to because it all moves through quickly.  So I just dry heaved.  And I was so sweaty that my hair was wet from root to tip.  I must have looked like I had a drug problem or something.  It was so ridiculously embarrassing.  How do you explain at a bar that it's actually the Sprite, not the vodka, causing the majority of your problem?

By the time I got home several hours later (it was a long ride home after dropping several people off), I was feeling a bit better.  Again, typical dumping syndrome working itself out.  When it happens, all I can do is try to get any of the offending food/drink up and then give my body time to rest.

So I went to bed and asked the hubby to get up with Nate when Nate woke up at 7am.  Because he's wonderful, he did.  Nate dozed but re-woke at 9am and by then I was ready to get up.  I had some water and Advil, we played on the floor for a while, Nate had a bottle, and by the time he went down for a nap, I was ready for some coffee and an English muffin - and, basically, I was good to go.

Here's my proof, then, that this was a sugar issue.  If I drank too much, there's no way I would have been fine after only five hours of sleep and a small breakfast.

But I had my gastric bypass in 2004, so what happened here?  It's not like I'm new at this.  I'm certainly not new at drinking, period, or at drinking as a post-bypass person.

I think I was just out of practice at being that person.  I was a pregnant person for the past year, which superseded all other decisions.  I forgot that I have to really think about what components go in my mixed drinks, that I have to ask the bartender for specifics, not let him or her decide for me.  I forgot that I should eat substantially throughout the day and especially before a night out.

I know all that.  I know better.  I simply forgot.  I re-learned, though.

But I still had fun, as did all the other ladies, and that's what counts most.  And the other bar patrons have a good story about the strung out bridge-and-tunnel chick who couldn't even handle three vodka and Sprites.  And I have pictures of one of my good friends with a drag queen upside down in her lap.  I mean, really, I cannot complain about the night.

The Post Where I Bury the Lead

I was in the same room as The Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond.

I know!  I KNOW!!!

Sitting in a session at BlogHer, I check Twitter on my phone and notice that @thepioneerwoman has Tweeted about the session I'm sitting in.

I do manage to avoid whiplash by not instantly whipping my head around to look for her.  She can probably walk down the streets of NYC pretty anonymously, but at BlogHer, she certainly cannot so I was fairly sure she would be sitting near the back.  Once the question and comment part of the session began, though, and someone was walking around the room with a microphone, I used that time as an excuse to look around and, lo and behold, there she was.

But here's the thing: while she is lovely and wonderful and a great blogger, the session panelists were still the focus of my attention.

The session we both sat in was titled "Grief, Loss, Tragedy and Community on the Internet."  Even though this is not a topic I have firsthand experience about, I knew of several of the bloggers on the panel and was interested in hearing their stories.  You can click on the title link above to read the live blog of the session (it would be well worth your time).

I applaud the bloggers on the panel for sharing their stories, first online and then in this session.  There were few dry eyes in the room; I, for one, was nearly sobbing at some points.  I bought waterproof mascara for the weekend because I was sure I'd tear up about missing Nate.  That mascara earned its keep during this panel session alone.

But what was so heartwarming was the discussion about the community they have all found online.  While her husband, Peter, had us all crying, Anissa Mayhew was particularly funny in describing her reaction to the 12,000 emails and huge Facebook and Twitter explosions she returned home to after she left the hospital following a stroke that had put her in a coma.  Another blogger, Loralee Choate, talked about how she wished she was blogging and had an online community when her three and a half month old son, Matthew, died of SIDS.  Her story, in particular, has stuck with me since Nate will be three months old this Tuesday and the idea of that happening is easily the most horrifying thing I can imagine and I've actually cried about it several times since the panel ended.  Loralee has all the admiration from me that I can humanly muster and then some because I can't fathom what it takes to go on from there, to simply scrape yourself off the floor and even manage to breathe.  It's been far from easy for her, but she's doing it.  She and the other bloggers all stated that the support they get online helps them - that some days, it's what saves them.

That morning I attended the International Activist Blogger Scholarship Recipients Keynote, where several women who use blogs as places to fight for human rights and freedoms many of us take for granted spoke about the work they do.  Their work is so important yet dangerous that no video or pictures were allowed during the session because revealing the women's identities could be fatal for them.

What power those commenters have.  What power those activists have.  What power we all have as readers and as writers.  Can you imagine your life being in danger because of what you publish daily?  I barely can.  It really made me question the purpose my blog serves.  What greater good am I achieving?  Am I achieving any?

The blogosphere gets mocked as a slushy sphere of navel-gazing, but in reality it's this amazing place where real people reach out to and support other real people.  This is what I've taken away from BlogHer.  It's a crazy, overwhelming experience, even when you're used to attending large conferences, but somehow I managed to come home feeling a renewed sense of peace and purpose and motivation in my writing.

I feel renewed that even though I can and do love my son enough, I can keep trying to love him more because you have to treasure every single moment.  And if I just want to hold him sometimes and not put him down, that's fine.

I feel reaffirmed that I can recognize good people when I meet them online, especially when they're even more wonderful in person.

I'm proud that I can spot one of my favorite bloggers and only squee in my head while remaining composed on the exterior.  (Okay, most composed.  There may have been some whispering and extra glancing.  Here's where I add that Danielle and I spotted The Pioneer Woman again later in the Hilton lobby.. with Marlboro Man!  Sure, you might get to meet Ree at a book signing or something, but who gets to see Marlboro Man??  And here is where I add that Ree is tall and stunningly gorgeous and so is Marlboro Man.  Together, they might be the most handsome couple I've seen in real life.)

I might not be The Pioneer Woman, but I've had readers send me emails thanking me for particular posts or certain topics I've covered because something I've written helped them through something or understand something or think about something in a different way.  Unless they tell you, you really never know who you're helping - or even who's reading.  And even if you only know you're helping yourself by writing what you like to write, that's enough.

I have substance? I have substance!

It's been one of those weeks where it was hard to find five minutes for myself.  Five minutes that didn't involve finally getting to the dishes or washing bottles or putting away laundry or throwing together something for dinner.  It's probably been one of the hardest weeks yet since Nate was born.

So imagine my surprise when this is the week in which my bloggy friend Liza from Blahggy gives me the Blog With Substance award. 

I particularly adore Liza because she had her baby daughter, Sailor (cool name, right??), just three weeks after I had Nate so we're both newly adjusting to the whole "new little person" in our lives thing - and the babies will be on track with each other so I think we're always going to have a lot to talk about.  Plus, she's funny, seriously funny.

But so here are "The Rules":

•Thank the blogger who awarded it to you. (done)

•Sum up your blogging philosophy, motivation, and experience using five (5) words

•Pass it on to 10 other blogs which you feel have real substance.

Only five words to sum up all of that?  I have a hard time being concise, period - but here goes:

1. Honesty

2. Approachability

3. Community

4. Memories

5. Humor

I'll have you know I am fighting - seriously fighting - the urge to explain how each of those terms applies to my blogging experience.  Gah.  But I probably only have minutes before Nate wakes up again, so I have ample motivation to move on.

I know it says award this to ten blogs, but I'm just going to do five because... well... because that's what I want to do.  So there.  Take that, blog award creating people.

These five folks have got serious substance going on:

1. Lori at I Can Grow People - I know, I've given Lori awards before but she seriously has substance going on, especially these days as she's planning a 1000 mile move (with a toddler!), leaving her job, trying to sell her house... it's really more substance than most of us even want to take on often... and she's doing it all well, with her head on her shoulders and a good sense of humor.  And her son, Porter, is too cute for words.  I would just want to squeeze him if I met them.

2. Operation Mommyhood - She's been anonymously blogging her experience about trying to get pregnant . . . and is now blogging her pregnancy experience!  I always marvel at people who blog anonymously.  I would love to do that but just can't keep that much to myself.  (See: inability to be concise.)

3. Lissa at Tales of a (Recovering) Disordered Eater - Lissa is one of my fellow bloggers at We Are The Real Deal (well, okay, she blogs there a zillion times more frequently than I do) and I love seeing what she has to say on both of those sites and Twitter.  She and her husband recently adopted an adorable puppy named Rocco . . . and she also recently announced her pregnancy!  For those of us who have struggled with food issues, pregnancy can be a nervous time.  I love reading her thoughts about the experience; it always makes me think even more about my own experiences (a trait of a great blogger).

4. The Honey B - Funny.  Creative.  Silly.  Thoughtful.  Her blogs moves so easily between these various types of topics; it's admirable.  And she has a Baby Bucket List.  I had never heard of that before, but I'd bet a lot of people have one in their heads when they start thinking about starting a family.

5. The Stylish Thirties - I love blogs of people in their thirties.  The incredibly broad range of experiences is always fascinating to me.  This blogger is considering picking up and moving her whole life, starting a new career in a new city.  Now if that isn't substance, what is?  I love reading about huge life changes (or even just thinking about them).

As I spend so much time with Nate, these blogs remind me of the outside world - and when I go back to work, they'll continue to do that, just in a different way.  I really do treasure my blog reading.

So thanks again to Liza for this award!  And I promise to live up to it after this low substance week.  There's some substance coming!

Nate's Birth Story - Part 3, The Hospital Stay - Visitorville

I told everyone that I didn't mind visitors on delivery day and that it didn't matter what time they showed up.  I knew everyone wanted to visit, so why put some arbitrary time on it?  I also think that the idea of being alone with my newborn and husband might have been overwhelming, and having friendly faces there could only be helpful.

This ended up being quite true.  We had a whole parade of people in there that first afternoon/evening and it was wonderful to see every one of them and get to finally tell them the name we chose.  (More on the name to follow in Part 4...)

My parents, meeting Nate

My sister, marveling at how big Nate's feet are

The hubby's mother meeting Nate

Some of our visitors brought friends for Nate

Hospital policy only allowed three visitors in the room at a time (aside from the hubby, of course) so our friends and relatives took turns filing in and out until it was 8pm and visiting hours were over.  My friend Kate (photog of above photos) and my parents visited again on Tuesday, but then that was it.  The hubby and I had Wednesday and Thursday to ourselves - well, ourselves and Nate... and a long two days they were.  Stay tuned...

Introducing Nathaniel Martin

Nate's Birth Story - Part 1, Delivery Day - Prep

Nate's Birth Story - Part 2, Delivery Day - The Prize!

Nate's Birth Story - Part 3, The Hospital Stay - Visitorville

Nate's Birth Story - Part 4 - The Name

Nate's Birth Story - Part 5, The Hospital Stay - When it got hard

From Breast to Bottle - My Story

Nate's Birth Story - Part 6 - The Hospital Stay - When it got scary

Nate's Birth Story - Part 7 - Home - From anxiety to joy