I'm a feminist.  I don't need a man to do things for me just because he's a man.  We all need help sometimes, but it isn't gender specific.

But then, sometimes, I find myself getting annoyed when a traditional, chivalrous gesture doesn't happen - and I've noticed that the seemingly small one that always gets stuck in my craw does seem to have a generational difference.

What is it?  Letting women off the elevator first.

Silly, right?  I know.  It shouldn't matter in the slightest who gets off the elevator first.  In fact, the person nearest the door should get out first, logically (or if they're elderly - I tend to let older people off the elevator first, holding the door open for them).

But if I'm in the elevator with some male students and we're about the same distance from the door, I'm always taken aback when they push past me to get out first.  Is it just rude or does it strike that old idea of mine that women should be allowed off first?  If the men in the elevator are older than me, I've noticed that they tend to extend an arm in a "you first" gesture.

Is it an age thing?  A fading chivalry?  Why do I care?  All I know is that it irks me but it feels like it goes against what I believe.  What do we do with these ideas?

So, yeah, for this Friday I just have some muddled thoughts.  Stay tuned for some light weekend posts and then... THEN... next week?  Next week I might just share something huge.  Just maybe.

Stick around. :)

Today should be Tuesday so I can do another 7 Quick Takes, but I really don't want it to actually be Tuesday again... but it's one of those days where I have a zillion things on my mind, none of which I want to torture anyone with a full blog post on, so here are The 7 Wonders of Wednesday instead:

1. I really, really dislike (okay, hate) the thing where people think it's cool to disparage someone who has just died.  Fine, you may not be a fan of Sen. Kennedy's politics, so then just keep your trap shut.  What happened to "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything."  You're on my Facebook page and now I think you're an asshole, so good job to you.

2. If anyone says anything to me today about how terrible the idea of universal healthcare is, I may just clock them.  I had to turn down a really wonderful opportunity because it would not allow me to carry health insurance for my husband or any future children at anything less than a prohibitively exorbitant cost.  I should not have to make career decisions based on my healthcare requirements.

3. That said, I was able to refer a good friend for the opportunity and am really hoping she gets it.  Then at least something good will have come of this.

4. When I was trying to make this crazy decision yesterday, I honestly did not know what to do.  I spoke to the hubby and he was just as stuck as I was.  So I called my dad and he talked me through the whole thing.  I am SO very, very lucky to have such a wonderful, giving, intelligent, sensitive man as a dad. 

5. My nephew, TJ, is obsessed with "Pop-Pop" (my dad).  Every time the phone rings, he says, "Pop-Pop?"  He spots him first in every picture and just generally loves the daylights out of him.  My sister took him to visit Pop-Pop at work the other day:

When my sister's husband came home, he asked TJ, "Did you have fun with Pop-Pop today?" and TJ said, "Happy!"  Awwww... Couldn't you just melt?  I was pretty much a puddle when I heard that. But anything that kid does turns me into a puddle.

(And TJ is less than a year and a half old... he looks so much older to me.  He's growing like a weed, as my friend Robin says.)

6. I absolutely adore the whole "Back to School" vibe that goes on at this time of year.  It brings back great memories because I was always so thrilled to go back to school every autumn.  What I don't like is seeing parents say things like, "Haha, time for the kiddos to go back to school - suckers!"  That's just fantastic - instill a hatred of learning in them.  Good parenting.  (Yes, after a short, happy TJ break, we are back to the crank.)

7. I keep one of our wedding thank-you cards on my desk because looking at it makes me happy - so happy that sometimes I start to cry when I look at it (*sigh* - I'm a mess).

my illustrious desk at work

And, yes, that's the thank-you card my dad designed for us.  Isn't it awesome?  I love it so much.

The lesson for today?  When everything is stressing me out, I find a lot of comfort and happiness in my family.  I know that's not true for everyone (and it's certainly not true for all of my family members) but a good family member - or two or three or four - can be a great haven in a storm.

This week I have had the responsibility of attending both a wedding and a wake, big events in the life cycle (right up there with birth).  At both of these events, as much as I tried to just be in the moment, I couldn't help but ponder people's sartorial choices.

Really?  White?  At a wedding?

Really?  White?  At a wake?

I know we live in a time where people wear jeans to the opera.  I've worn jeans to Broadways shows.  College students wear pajamas to class.  Starlets go without underwear.  People buy expensive or fancy or just nice-looking sandals, and then let their crusty, unkempt toes hang out for all to see.

I'm not a body-hair lunatic.  If you're a woman and you're rocking a moustache and you don't care about it, that's fine - you go on with your bad Frida Kahlo self.  But I think you should be required to make a bit of an effort with the hair on top of your head if you are attending a wedding.  At a funeral or wake, you are grieving and I do not expect you to put extraordinary effort into your hair, although I do expect you to be in dark and respectful clothing.

Witnessed this week:

• a guest wearing a white dress at a wedding (not partially white, not a pattern with white in it - a fully white sundress, seriously)
• boobs out for all the world to see - I understand you're young and beautiful and single and at a wedding, but it was very, very difficult for me to carry on a conversation with my husband because I (*I* - not him!) couldn't help but stare at your boobs; they're a beautiful work of nature, to be sure, but could you at least sit up straight?
• a casual Friday work outfit at a wedding where most people were in cocktail attire
• a flouncy miniskirt with no leggings, at a funeral
• leggings but no skirt, same funeral
• v-neck shirts at the funeral that would have only just been appropriate for the wedding

I could go on, but that's a fair enough sampling.  I'm not an etiquette lunatic (although, full disclosure: I do own the 900 page Emily Post etiquette book), but I am a big fan and proponent of decorum.  There are certain times in life when certain sartorial choices are necessary; weddings and funerals are two big ones.

Yes, we are undergoing the great casualization of America and I love my jeans and sneakers as much as the next person, but the situation must warrant the pairing.  Be respectful of the situation.  If you have kids, let them know that the skirt is too short for a wake or that they really should button one more button on their shirt.  If your dress really needs you to put on some Spanx, then put them on.

It's a bit overwhelming to contemplate a marriage and a death in the span of a few days and I apologize for concentrating on this part of it for now, but I do think it's important.  This way, when you get there, you and the other guests can simply focus on the event at hand and celebrate life and love.