More courage than coordination

Yesterday at 8:59am I had just sat down at my desk at work with a cup of coffee when my cell phone rang. The caller ID popped up with the name of Nate's daycare.

"Hello, Candice? This is Caroline at daycare. I'm calling to let you know that Nate fell on the playground and hit his head."

Oh. My. God.

I was ready to go. Ready to pack up my bag and leave work and rush to whatever hospital they had to take him to for head trauma.

But no.

"We put some ointment on it. He's okay."

"Oh. Is he bleeding at all?"

"Ohhh, nooo, not at all. Just a bump." And then she explained that they have to call any time something like this happens and that I'd have to sign an incident report when I picked him up later. I was relieved, but still a bit shaken.

As I went through my day, not worrying about Nate, but wondering how he'd be when I picked him up, I began to think about how many more of these forms are probably in my future.

When I picked him up, another of the teachers, Barbara, said, "He's very adventurous, but still too unsteady for what he wants to do."

"Yes," I said, "He's got more courage than he does coordination."

She laughed and said, "Yes! Yes! More courage than coordination, definitely." And it was then that it dawned on me that I think there are a lot of bumps and bruises in my future with Nate.

That's Nate in January, right before his 8 month birthday, climbing on top of SillyTown in order to try and get on top of the bench we keep in front of the fireplace. He wasn't even taking steps yet then (barely even cruising) and he was already climbing.

When I ran his bath on Sunday, he started trying to climb into the tub. He swung his leg up over the side and nearly accomplished getting in (fully dressed, mind you).

My son... is a bruiser.

And by that I mean two things. I mean that he is a bruiser in the literal sense, in that he is constantly attaining bruises. He has little bruises on his legs and head every day and sometimes also on his back and arms. It's utterly nerve-wracking but I'm accepting that it's coming with the territory.

And he's also a bruiser in the colloquial sense, meaning he's a rough-and-tumble kind of kid. He doesn't walk around with his Fisher-Price popper. No. He stands and bangs it on the floor, like it's a jackhammer. He rams his "keyboard" (similar to this) into the wall. Repeatedly. Sunday he was trying to move the dining room chairs, but one wasn't moving the way he wanted, so he ducked under the dining room table and pushed them all out that way. He then moved his high chair to the hallway outside our bedroom and pushed the loveseat into the table. (Bruiser = interior decorator?)

He's strong, too - he crouches a lot now, in a squat position like a baseball catcher. He'll stay crouched and play with something for a minute or two and then stand up and walk off. His arms are strong, too - he did a pull-up on the play-pen the other day, pulling himself up with his feet completely off the floor. (Um, hi, I can't do that.)

When he's upset, though, he bangs his head on the floor. This happens when a toy doesn't do what he wants it to or when I tell him to stop doing something he wants to be doing (like trying to reach knives or strangle himself on some kind of cord). His face crumples, he plops on his butt on the floor, bends at the waist, and thunks his forehead on the floor once or twice, then cries.

Oy.

My brother said, "It must be hard to see him do that. You spend all your time trying to make sure he doesn't hit his head and then he goes and does it on purpose." I told him I'm going to start telling Nate that Mommy worked very hard to make that head for him - no cocktails for 9 months! - and that he better start treating it with respect.

Everything about my little peanut (ha) is physical. Whatever stage he's at, physically, he's always striving for the next one. When he fell at the playground yesterday, it was because he was climbing something and fell off it. Oh, my heart. When he learned how to stand but didn't know how to sit back down yet, that didn't stop him and he kept standing and toppling over. (Many heart attacks for me.) Then when he started walking, of course, he fell over a lot the first two weeks. (More heart attacks.) Now that he seems confident in walking, even though he's still a bit wobbly once in a while, he seems to think he's ready to start scaling things.

I now wonder what's next. For a moment, I figured that we'd have a bit of a break after he gets really good at walking and doesn't tumble anymore. Because at that point, what more can he do? I figured we're safe until he's old enough for jungle gyms and monkey bars, at which point we'll probably enter "needing stitches" territory.

But I know there'll be something else. I just know it.

Silly Mommy. I'm just having fun!

Day 2 - T for Day Two, T for tears

Oh, Day 2. Please be done.

As expected, the daycare drop-off for Day 2 was much harder than yesterday. My little peanut clearly understood what was about to happen (i.e. Mommy and Daddy were about to abandon him for the day again) and he protested... loudly... with a lot of tears. And broke Mommy's heart.

Day 1 ended okay - just okay. He was clearly out of sorts, short on sleep (he only took a one hour nap - usually he has a one hour morning nap and two hour afternoon nap), short on food (I guess too out of sorts to eat all his food) and not knowing what was going on. The benefit to this was that he chowed down on dinner at home and was in his crib, asleep, by around 8:15 - an hour earlier than he is usually in bed.

My sister asked her daughter what Nate did at daycare yesterday and she said, "Nate. Cryin'. Okay." Aww. Nothing like a one-and-a-half year old's daily report. This is one of the pictures my sister took when she picked up her daughter from daycare after work yesterday.

He had finished his snack and was sitting in one of those chairs "whiney crying," as my sister put it. Basically, he was complaining, my poor peanut. He cried when I picked him up, but was fine once we left, until after dinner, when he got really tired and we did the whole early bedtime thing.

This morning I pretty much pushed the hubby out of the daycare and we stood outside, near an open window, listening to Nate cry. But after a few minutes, he wasn't crying anymore, so I felt a little better. He was already rubbing his eyes this morning, before we left the house, still suffering a sleep deficit from yesterday. So hopefully he made it through the morning okay, ate more of his lunch than yesterday, and is partaking of a solid afternoon nap (I'll be calling to check on him around 1pm).

I feel like today will be the worst day, but I also feel like that might be tomorrow. Nothing we can do but wait and see. The hubby and I are both off of work tomorrow; originally we had plans to go to Baltimore for the weekend, but now the hubby has to work all weekend so we're going to keep Nate in daycare tomorrow (just to keep the routine going and push the acclimation along) and enjoy a day off together - take in a matinee, go to lunch.

Tomorrow will be the first time we've been able to really do that since Nate was born. Every other time we went out, there was a babysitter (always family or friend) and thoughts about Nate's evening routine and how he'd be doing. But tomorrow? Tomorrow we'll know exactly how he's doing, what he's doing, and that he's just fine (if probably still a bit unhappy). I think tomorrow might be the first time I'll enjoy spending time with the hubby, without Nate. I know a good number of moms whose parents take their babies overnight for them, or even just for short periods during the day, but regularly. I just can't do it. I don't enjoy the time without Nate - it still feels forced. And by no stretch of the imagination can I imagine someone else watching him overnight yet. (This might be familial. I don't think my parents left me with anyone overnight until I was in middle school.)

But I think tomorrow will be different; I just feel it. And I'm really hoping the morning is a bit easier - just at least a little bit. I'm not asking for Nate to scamper off without so much as a look back (although I know that will happen some day and my heart will break in a totally different way then). I just want him to feel safe, secure, and happy when we drop him off. I know we'll get there. Just waiting.

Day .5

At this point we're more than halfway through Day 1 of daycare, but here's a halfway update.

This morning wasn't hard because there was so much to do that there wasn't much downtime to sit around and boo-hoo. That's not to say it was easy, though - because there was so much to do. To go from one person (me) leaving the house to three people (me plus hubby to first day of work plus Nate to first day of daycare) leaving the house is no small feat. But we made it!

Serious face. "Where are we going so early in the morning?"

Last night was hectic. After I got home from work and the dogs were fed and walked, we (all three) ran to Target to get Nate supplies for today (lunch bag, crib sheets for his naptime cot, snacks) and the hubby some new khaki pants for work. Then, after that, we headed home and the hubby put Nate to bed while I packed for the next day. Snacks, drinks, lunch, sheets, diapers, wipes, outfits, toy, blanket... I have to say, it was completely overwhelming. I felt like it shouldn't be - what kind of mother can't pack a daycare bag for her kid? - but it was just all so new. Thankfully my sister's been at this daycare for years and answered my 500 texts with no complaints.

I love my new puppy lunch bag.

I cried falling asleep last night, and a bit this morning when I woke up with Nate, but we were both okay at daycare... until I walked out the door. Then I heard him cry, but I knew he'd be fine soon. He never cries for long.

I cried on and off on the way to work - ending up with a massive headache and serious nausea, which I had to run and get something for at lunchtime. The Aleve made me feel much better... as did this picture message from my sister:

Naptime!

My sister's niece on her husband's side is one of the caretakers at the daycare, although not in Nate's room. But she snuck in during naptime and snapped this. (It's so awesome - like having a secret inside informer. I love it!)

I then called the daycare just to check in (which, honestly, wouldn't have occurred to me to do unless my sister mentioned it). They said he was doing great - playing, eating, not crying - just generally being a great one-year-old. He got tired at his normal morning nap time but they kept him up until the consolidated post-lunchtime big nap and he zonked right out. Amazing!! I cannot believe they not only got him to nap easily, but on a cot. They did say though that he looked at the cot like, "Um, what is this? What am I expected to do here?" But it seems like he figured it out.

And now, I just can't wait to go pick him up at the end of the day. I suspect that tomorrow morning may be a bit harder, like how he didn't cry at the doctor's until he saw the second shot being prepared and realized what was coming. I think he'll similarly protest tomorrow morning, but we'll see. If he does, I fully believe it'll just be short-term and he's going to adapt beautifully to "school." I think each day that passes will get easier for all of us and that we're going to love our new routine.

And here we go...

The hubby got the job! The job is a-go!

Which means... Nate starts daycare. Tomorrow morning.

Oh. My. Goodness.

I just filled out a stack of forms and now my brain is spinning, thinking of all of the things I need to pack for Nate tomorrow. Snacks, cup, diapers, wipes, extra outfits, sheets and blanket for nap time... Drop-off times, pick-up times.

We toured the daycare this morning and it was great. My sister's been going there for almost three years, so everyone there knows her. Her kids weren't there today but my cousin's kids were and we recognized some of the other kids from my nephew's birthday party. Nate recognized his cousins in several of the pictures up on various walls and seemed completely content to play in the "ones room" (one year olds). He played with the toys, smiled and babbled at the other kids, crawled and walked around, and seemed immediately comfortable. Of course, had the hubby and I then walked out, it would have been a different story, I'm sure - but seeing how he seemed immediately okay was reassuring.

I'm really not worried about daycare, though. He's ready AND I'm ready. That's not to say I won't cry leaving him there tomorrow, but I think that's more about the transition - the new phase we're entering. This really is the end of my little baby. He's my little toddler boy now - and he's going to make friends and learn songs and all sorts of things he'll surprise me with going forward.

I'm glad this is happening quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid. And I'm so very grateful that we're able to get in to the daycare facility on such short notice. I do the best with change when I know for a while that it'll be coming, but only find out immediately beforehand exactly when. Is that weird? Probably.

I think that's simply all the words I have on this for now. My brain feels like a whirring centrifuge, trying to process everything we now need to do/think about tonight. (And I'm not even the one starting a new job tomorrow.)

Monday Five Countdown

SO much anticipation today, my mind is spinning. Let's get it organized into the Countdown!

Five Things I'm Grateful For

1. Nate. Yesterday we took him for his one year pictures and the photographer said he was the best kid she had all day and my sister said she thinks we'll probably hear that a lot. Aww! That just melts my heart. I love how happy he is - it is a daily reminder for me (who can dwell on gloom and doom quite easily) that there is always something to be happy about.

2. My sister. I know I shouldn't, but I have very specific opinions about other people's parenting - and I can always talk about those things with my sister. I would never ever write anything here or say anything with anyone else, but with her, I can just be brutally honest. And it's not like she and I agree on all parenting decisions either. In fact, we disagree on several "hot button" parenting issues, significant ones. But we never argue about them. So while my relationship with her lets me vent about parenting choices, it also helps me relax and not judge them so easily. It's this great balance.

3. Last night Nate went to bed early enough for me to finally have time to write the thank-you cards for his party. (There will be a separate post updating the whole sleep situation.)

4. This morning we're going to check out the daycare (they had to reschedule from Friday). I'm so glad that we don't have to start our search from scratch - that we just have to formally go visit the place we already know we want because my sister and my cousin take their kids there. So many parenting decisions have been made easier for me because of the experience of other mothers.

5. Other than Nate's 1 year photos, we had nothing else to do this weekend. It was the first time in probably, literally, six months (at least??) that that's been the case. It felt incredible.

Four Things I Can't Stop Thinking About

1. The hubby's second interview for the job was on Friday. The first guy told him he got it and basically that this second interview was a formality, but the hubby will get the "official" call sometime today. Until he gets that call, I'm worrying (and worried all weekend).

2. IF the hubs gets the job, he was told he would start immediately - as in TOMORROW. Um, hi, immediate babysitting needs. We have to figure out what we would do for Tuesday and Wednesday if this happens (only those days because I have vacation days on Thursday and Friday).

3. We're supposed to go to Baltimore this weekend. Now how long we go depends on the hubby's potential job. If he is working this week, we'll only be going for 2 1/2 days instead of 4-5 days, but that's okay. Still going and can't wait!

4. The Nook Color. I have an original Nook, but I so want one of the new ones. I even dreamt about it a few nights ago. LOL

Three Things I Want To Accomplish This Week

1. Put air in the tire of the jogging stroller so we can take it to Maryland.

2. Clean the bathroom.

3. Successfully pack for Nate for a weekend away! (First time doing so!)

Two Things I Am Working To Be Positive About

1. Bills/budget. Even with the hubby's potential new job, we're not rolling in dough. Things will still be tight so we're going to have to construct a good budget.

2. Nate's sleeping. STILL working on it and it hasn't been easy, but I'm feeling hopeful. (Like I said above, there'll be a separate post on this. Gotta update!)

One Random Thing

1. Today is my mom's birthday! Happy Birthday, Mom!

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