Goodnight Elisabeth

I hope that you're ok
I hope you're resting quietly
I just wanted to say

Good, goodnight Elisabeth,
Goodnight Elisabeth

(Any Counting Crows fans?)

Thanks to everyone who talked to me about Nate's sleep issues. To sum up, what it comes down to is this:

1 - We were lucky that he slept through the night since he was a week old. He also napped fairly easily, but not without assistance (rocking/holding, etc). He would wake up happy.

2 - That all changed a couple of months ago.

3 - He wakes up screaming now, like he's terrified that he's been abandoned. (Oh, hey there, separation anxiety, nice to meet you.) He will not nap in his crib for more than 20-45 minutes, tops. When we pick him up from there, he nearly immediately zonks back out. (Same goes for his 4am awakenings.)

This all has me concerned because I don't believe he's getting enough sleep, total, every day, which can affect his development. In addition, if you are the person home with him, it's hard to get much done because you have to hold him through his naps and you can't leave him alone to go shower because he screams the whole time. (He didn't used to. And he used to cry, not scream. Now screaming is the norm.)

It's hard to plan things on the weekends because we have no idea when he'll sleep. It's hard to get anything done at night because he's not asleep until 10pm.

In short, his sleeping doesn't work for me and I am convinced it's not doing him any good either. In fact, I'm pretty sure we're getting to the point where it might be a bit harmful or at least significantly troublesome. 

I know the separation anxiety is one issue and the sleeping may be another, but they're also intertwined and the sleeping is the part that I feel like we can hopefully get a hold of and work on.

I've decided to turn to The No-Cry Sleep Solution and The No-Cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley for help.

 (And, oh, just look at that little sleeping face on the Sleep cover. I want to smother those cheeks with kisses.)

I read summaries and sneak peeks of a lot of baby sleep books, but these won me over handily when I read this:

"I soon discovered two basic schools of thought when it comes to babies and sleep. One side advocates letting a baby cry until she learns to fall asleep on her own. The other side says that it is normal for babies to wake up at night and that it is a parent's job to nurture the baby - all day and all night. Eventually, when your baby is ready, she will sleep through the night.

In a nutshell, the two methods can be summed up as 'cry it out' or 'life with it.' I wanted neither. I knew there had to be a kinder way, a road somewhere between nighttime neglect and daytime exhaustion that would be nurturing for my baby and for me."

That sold me - because that's us. Nearly exactly.

I've been trying to read the same Steve Martin book for months and months now (I'm halfway through) because I really have no free time to read, what with my schoolwork and taking care of Nate at night, but I had a sort of stroke of luck last night in that I had to proctor an exam for work and the computer in classroom was slow, so I couldn't do any research - so I read the Sleep book!  Well, most of it - it's 246 pages long and I got up to page 204.  Hurrah!

It's definitely going to take some work and significant dedication. And I won't be able to accomplish a single thing unless the hubby is 100% on board as well, so we're going to have to talk this through and figure out when we want to start our new routine. Once we start it, we have to be consistent, including on weekends, until we see significant improvement - and that can take two months - or more. Or less. We can't know ahead of time. All we can know is that results won't be immediate and that the best thing we can be is consistent.

I'm on board, though. I'm really hopeful about these books. I will definitely post again when we start working on this.

Nearly Wordless Wednesday

I'm just happy that I remembered it's Wednesday. I keep having a hard time remembering what day it is lately. (Tired and stressed much?)

These photos are from this past Saturday. We took Nate for his first haircut and then to visit both sets of grandparents. We also made a quick trip to the park because it was a nice day and Nate had never been to a park/playground before. That didn't go so well.

First up, the haircut.

He was good for 2/3 of the haircut...

But then I think he tried to drive his little taxi cab seat away and got frustrated that it wasn't going anywhere...

And he cried, awww. But not because he was afraid of the scissors or bothered by the haircut - only because he didn't want to be stuck in that seat anymore. (He is all go go go these days.)

Before haircut (notice how long it is over his ears!):

After haircut:

So cute!

So, like I said, we decided it was a great day for Nate's first trip to the park. He loves being tossed around and swung around and just rough-housing in any general way, so I was convinced he would LOVE the baby swing at the park. However, I think he was a little spent from the haircut and we spent too long at my parents' house so it was too close to nap time and he was cranky.

Because, really, is the face of a baby enjoying the swing?

I swear I hear Stewie's voice when I look at this picture. It makes me laugh so much.

Shortly after this picture, he "hulked out" (this thing he does where he clenches his arms, fists, and face like he's really, really angry) and started to cry. Awww. So no-go on our first trip to the swings. Maybe next time! I'm still convinced he'll love them and that we just had bad timing.

10 Months

Dear Nate,

We need to have a talk. Didn't I just write your 9 month letter last week? No, really? Wasn't it? (I know, I say that every month. Mommy needs a new line, I know. But it's just so true.)

10 months. Double digits. Never a single digit month again. Soon, too soon (two months!), you will move into single digit years. I can barely believe it.

It's been a big transitional month for you. You do a lot of cruising around and sometimes you just let go of whatever you're using to brace yourself and you stand there, freely, just completely happy until you plop down on your butt and crawl off somewhere. This morning you stood like that and bent your knees a few times, like you were dancing. And a few days ago you lifted one foot up, like you might have wanted to take a step, but then you just put it back down and went on to something else. It's coming, though, that first step. We have a new video camera and are just waiting.

Rockin' out like Trent Reznor

I wasn't there for your other big moment. Daddy took you to the guitar store and after he thanked the salesman for helping him, you repeated, "Thank you." I kind of wouldn't believe Daddy, really, but he said it was so clear that the salesman said, "You're welcome, little guy!" You hadn't really said any other words yet. You babble "Dadadadada" all the time and sometimes it sounds like you're trying to say Buster ("Buh!") and the other day it seemed like you were saying "bugz" when I was saying books. But this was the clearest thing you've said.

Thank you. Not a word, a phrase. And so polite! Oh, peanut, I could just squish you with hugs. You are simply the cutest, sweetest baby.

And you have so many new sounds in the past week. Daddy and I have both noticed that you're combining all sorts of new sounds together and we're just waiting to see what words you're going to make.

Mmm... PW's short ribs!

We have our tough moments, though. Mainly you don't like to be without us, so even if we put you down and go in another room, you cry. If the dogs need to go out so we put you in the crib or playpen to be safe for a few minutes while we take them in the backyard, you cry (well, okay, you wail... hysterically, if we're being honest, Peanut). We know you miss us and want to be with us every single moment of the day, but we're hoping this phase passes pretty soon because it's tough to hear you cry. And Daddy reports that you don't like to nap during the day unless you're with him (i.e. on him) which makes it hard for him to get anything done. But we accommodate you because we know you're just learning and that it'll take time for you to know that it's okay if we walk away for a few minutes. I keep telling you it's okay but you clearly don't believe me yet. Maybe by 11 months? No pressure, though.

Every day Daddy and I talk about how amazing you are and how we love you just so very much. We miss you when you go to bed at night and we're happy to see you when you wake up in the morning. We love watching you discover things and play (you love to drum on anything and everything right now, including the walls). We love to get down on the floor and play with you. We love to sit and cuddle with you when you're sleepy. We love to take you places and everyone (still) comments on how good you are and how happy. And you are, still, as you always have been. I hope you always are as happy as you are now.

Happy 10 (!!) months, Peanut.

Love love love,

Mommy

The parenting rule we break every day

Drowsy but awake.  Drowsy but awake.  Drowsy but awake.

No, that's not a description of the hubby and I (well, probably of the hubby, but not of me - I'm generally handling parental sleep deprivation pretty well).  "Drowsy but awake" is how you're supposed to put your baby down to sleep.  Google "drowsy but awake" and you will be met with thousands of results explaining why this is how you should put your baby to bed.

(via weheartit)

This doesn't work for us, though.  Put a drowsy but awake Nate down in his crib and he will immediately pop up onto his hands and knees, crawl to the rail, pull himself up, stand, and either start jumping and laughing or crying.  Either way, he's awake.  Not "he'll lay back down once I leave the room" awake.  No, he's "Don't you dare leave me, IT IS PLAY TIME!!" awake.

So we sit with Nate in the glider until he is fully asleep and only then do we lay him down in the crib, be it for a nap or for the night.

We are very lucky with Nate in so many ways.  He is a happy, cheery, fun-loving baby.  His only difficulty, really, is falling asleep.  Of course, when you're a baby, though, that's kind of a big part of your life (and your parents' life).  I wish Nate was the sort of baby who we could just drop off in the crib at a scheduled time, kiss his forehead, say "Sleepy time!" and close his door behind us.  If we were to do that (which I have tried now and again, just to see if anything has changed), he cries.  And then he screams. And then he wails.  And my heart breaks and I go get him. 

I think the longest I've made it listening to him cry is 10 minutes.  I've tried the "go in after 5 minutes, soothe him, and then go back out."  He doesn't fall for it.  Leaving again after the first time I go in to soothe him, he just screams more loudly and sounds more frantic. 

Crying is how he expresses a need and if that need is as simple as wanting some soothing company, then at this point, I am still completely happy to oblige.  When he's old enough to understand more reason and to be told that it's nighttime and everyone has to go to bed, we'll do that.  But for now, I refuse to stress about this.  He's getting the sleep he needs and we're getting the sleep we need (he doesn't wake up during the night too often) and that's what counts.  Maybe I'd think differently if he woke up several times a night, every night, but he doesn't.

So that's it.  He's just not one of those "drowsy but awake" babies and I am not a cry-it-out mom.  I knew I never would be, but there are those times at 4am where it's really tempting.  We're spoiled by how well he's slept his whole life so on those nights where he is up at 3am and refusing to fall back asleep, it sounds heavenly to be able to put him down in the crib and walk away.  And, like I said, I've tried it in small batches.  I'm told it "would work" if I let him cry longer, but I can't bring myself to do it.  It feels completely unnatural to sit there and cry myself because it's so heartbreaking to hear him cry.  It goes against every grain of instinct I have in my body, and throughout this parenting adventure so far, I have often relied on and felt right about following my own instincts so that's what I'm going to continue to do (along with continually talking to the hubby about every decision we make about Nate).

He's a happy, delightful, personable, friendly, curious, expressive, adventurous little 8 1/2 month old, so I think we're doing all right.  So we're not doing one of the number one parenting rules.  So be it.

And I think of it this way: when he's 15 (or 12 or 9 or maybe even 7), he probably won't want to sit on my lap in a chair and talk and sing.  I'm chuckling to myself just thinking of suggesting that to the future probably-taller-than-me 15 year old Nathaniel.  "Here, come sit with Mommy and tell me what you want to dream about tonight."  Right.  So, you know what?  I will take those moments now and save them up in my mommy memory bucket so I can recall them at will when the best I can hope for is that he'll sit on the same sofa as me and tell me how his day was.

Eight Months

Dear Nate,

Today you are eight months old.  This is incredible to me, because I don't think of eight month olds as babies.  They are, clearly, because you're not yet a toddler but there should be some word to describe this later baby stage when you're up and around and active and into everything, but not technically toddling around yet.

When you turned seven months old, you had three teeth, all on the bottom.  You now have two teeth on top for a total of FIVE teeth overall.  Gone is your little gummy baby smile and I find it hard to believe that we won't ever see it again.

And, yes, those are puffs in your mouth.  You are a complete puff addict right now, our little puffaholic puffhead.  It's so cute how you pick them up and shove them in your mouth, though; I could watch you eat puffs all day long.  Yesterday you had toast for the first time and also some roasted potatoes.  Now that you mash food with your teeth and gums, we let you try more things and so far there isn't anything you don't like.

There also isn't a corner of the house you don't like.  You are all over the place and into - and onto! - everything.

Yes, that's you, on top of Silly Town.  See, I thought I was being clever, putting your puzzles on top of the bench so they were out of the way for a little while.  Little did I know they would simply entice you to climb up Silly Town to get them, knock them over, and then nearly launch yourself into the fireplace screen.  Do not be surprised if we wrap you in bubble-wrap soon.

You have gotten much more nimble at getting up and down, though.  For the first week or so, the only way you could get down from standing was to crash and, usually, cry.  But soon you learned how to lower yourself slowly, letting your arms extend to their fullest until you finally let go and, plop!, land on your butt.  In the past week or so, you've also learned how to lower yourself back down onto your knees and I've caught you crouching and kneeling while playing a few times.  You're getting quite a bit more at ease with your movement capabilities and I find myself wondering daily when you're going to start standing without support and, gasp, walking.

But, like every other month, I just love you how you are now.  You and I went to brunch with Grammy and Pop-Pop yesterday at the restaurant where Aunt Stef works on Sundays and customers were stopping her to say, "Did you see that baby over there?  He's SO cute and SO happy!  Look at him!  He just smiles and smiles!" And she would proudly tell them you're her nephew.  Everywhere you go, people just adore you and you're so good.  The best word I can describe you with is delightful.  You are simply a delight to be around.

Except at 6am.  It has to be mentioned; I'm sorry, Peanut.  But in the past month you have started to get up a wee bit early for Mommy and Daddy.  We don't know what to do about it.  We don't want you to cry, so we go get you, but then you want to play and, well, we just want to sleep.  We're going to have to figure something out here, kiddo.  I don't mean to say you aren't delightful at 6am.  Technically, you are; I guess it's more that 6am isn't a delightful hour.

Oh, and there is that little matter of the stomach virus you passed on to over a dozen family members over Christmas.  Your poor daddy threw up for the first time in over 20 years.  (I'm telling you this now because, undoubtedly, he will tell you this repeatedly when you grow up, so be ready.)  The funny part was that you handled it the best.  Even sick, you were cheery and sweet.  While the rest of your family moaned and groaned and complained, you were still raring to go.  You are a mix of Superman and the Hulk sometimes, for sure.

I don't even know how to imagine what new things this month will bring, so I just simply enjoy every day, every minute I have with you, my delightful, handsome little man.  I love you.

Love,

Mommy