In advance of this September 11

Whenever I type the words "September 11", I still think about how the "11" looks like the Twin Towers did, like how I still think of the buildings every single time I look at the Manhattan skyline. And considering I see the skyline from my town every day, September 11 is never far from my mind.

I can't believe Sunday is going to mark ten years since the attacks. Over the past ten years, I've thought a lot about that morning - how scared I was, how scary it all was, how angry I felt. Who could be so terrible as to do something like this?

It's interesting, though, what ten years' perspective can do. On Monday I watched "When Pop Culture Saved America: A 9/11 Story". It's about how the entertainment industry responded and pulled together to support America after the attacks. As I watched it, I remembered how those first few weeks and months after the attacks felt. Despite how awful the situation was, somehow everything felt more hopeful than it had before. Life was going to be more congenial, more supportive, more intelligent, more thoughtful. Right before the attacks, one of the bigger news stories getting air and online time was Anne Heche's new memoir and the stories about her alternate personality.

That, we all thought, would be something of the past. Who would waste time on drivel like that NOW?

Congress stood together and sang "God Bless America." We were united, now. Who would ever again think partisanship was worth the time it wastes?

Right??

Wait.

What happened? Where are we?

I look around today and I see so much that makes me sad, but also makes me angry. I watched one bar of Congress singing before crying. What happened to us?

I watch these specials and look at clips from ten years ago and think that the us of ten years ago would be remarkably disappointed in where we are now - dare I say, even ashamed. Terrible debt (both the government and its citizens) with no real solution, the worst unemployment since the Depression (and, again, no solution), political bickering, personal interests and grandstanding that poisoned the general public against the idea of universal healthcare.

If someone were to gauge us on 9/10/01 and 9/10/11, I dare say they would find that we had regressed. We are not better than we were. In fact, we are worse - significantly worse, in my opinion.

And, not to be reactionary about this, but I feel I have to say that this means that so far, the terrorists are winning. Their actions have caused us to crumble. We have deserted our interests at home to pursue war abroad.

The worst part? It's as if we don't care. Obviously we care because so many of us are struggling. But, somehow, for some reason, nothing is getting done. To be frank, I am disgusted with our government right now. We have wasted time and money - a whole decade - while our country disintegrated before our eyes.

I don't have any solutions. But that's not my job. I have a job and I do it. And when it's not done, I put in extra hours. And if I don't get my job done, it gets noticed and I face consequences.

I don't think our government is doing their jobs adequately. The problem is, they don't face the consequences. We do - and we are.

As I read old and new stories about people who lost loved ones on September 11, I continue to be grateful that I didn't personally lose anyone that day. But we've all lost something since and a disservice is being done to the memory of those who did die and to those of us who honestly and in good faith banded together afterwards. We all deserve better than our government is giving us right now.

For me, September 11 will always remind me of the love and pride I felt in my imperfect but wonderful country in the days that followed the attacks. I still feel that love and pride, but I'm less prone to defend it passionately these days (if at all) because it's too difficult. We need to pull ourselves together and regain some perspective before it's all too far gone.