And then it dawned on me...

All day today I've been thinking, "March 9th... three nine... three nine... Why is this date standing out to me? Did I forget someone's birthday? Anniversary? Television show premiere?"

Then it dawned on me: today is my 7 year surgiversary. It's been seven years since my gastric bypass surgery.

Seven years ago today I woke up in surgery recovery and first thought, "Okay, I didn't die." And then immediately thought, "Shit. I really did this."  (Those literally are the first two thoughts I had after waking up from my first ever medical procedure.)

That is why today's date kept ringing a bell in my head. I used to think of today as my re-birthday. I don't anymore because it isn't the huge before/after marker it was for a while. So much of the weight came back on. Then more. Then I got pregnant and barely gained weight. Then I gave birth and easily lost a bunch of weight due to thyroid medication (oh, and my 8 lb little man, of course).

And now - now I'm at a plateau, 40 lbs above my lowest adult weight and not really interested in getting all the way back down there because of the time and dedication to exercise it would take. But if I could get halfway there (so down another 20 lbs), I think I'd be quite pleased with myself.

Earlier today I wrote about how I'm giving up diet soda. Maybe that will help. However, I've found that all day long I've been craving (and eating) chocolate. Sooooo, yeah. That certainly will not help.

One thing I learned from my gastric bypass is that I was a food addict and an emotional eater. I was in complete denial about it; I really had no idea until one day, about a week after my surgery, I broke down crying because all I wanted was a chicken parm sub and I was completely certain I would never eat one again, not fully understanding yet that, yes, maybe I would never eat another full six inch one, but I could certainly have part of one and that I would indeed be satisfied by it. I've learned a lot since then and I'm still learning. One reason I hadn't attempted the soda sobriety yet was because I didn't want to slide into some other behavior, pick up some other habit... like, say, eating chocolate. (Truth is, I don't even love chocolate all that much. Sure, I like it - I'm not crazy - but most days I can take it or leave it.)

But the point is, I still have work to do. Gastric bypass didn't solve all of my problems. It didn't create any either, though. (And it doesn't - the procedure does not create something that wasn't already there - it can - and will - only shed light on it and perhaps intensify it.)

The procedure did shed light on some of my problems and helped me help myself solve some. I see my lifelong health as a journey that I'm not going to quit or give up on. As each year passes, I become more and more aware of the value of good health. It will probably always be a bit of a struggle and it will probably always involve some effort (possibly even significant effort) but I'm happy to comply.