The parenting rule we break every day

Drowsy but awake.  Drowsy but awake.  Drowsy but awake.

No, that's not a description of the hubby and I (well, probably of the hubby, but not of me - I'm generally handling parental sleep deprivation pretty well).  "Drowsy but awake" is how you're supposed to put your baby down to sleep.  Google "drowsy but awake" and you will be met with thousands of results explaining why this is how you should put your baby to bed.

(via weheartit)

This doesn't work for us, though.  Put a drowsy but awake Nate down in his crib and he will immediately pop up onto his hands and knees, crawl to the rail, pull himself up, stand, and either start jumping and laughing or crying.  Either way, he's awake.  Not "he'll lay back down once I leave the room" awake.  No, he's "Don't you dare leave me, IT IS PLAY TIME!!" awake.

So we sit with Nate in the glider until he is fully asleep and only then do we lay him down in the crib, be it for a nap or for the night.

We are very lucky with Nate in so many ways.  He is a happy, cheery, fun-loving baby.  His only difficulty, really, is falling asleep.  Of course, when you're a baby, though, that's kind of a big part of your life (and your parents' life).  I wish Nate was the sort of baby who we could just drop off in the crib at a scheduled time, kiss his forehead, say "Sleepy time!" and close his door behind us.  If we were to do that (which I have tried now and again, just to see if anything has changed), he cries.  And then he screams. And then he wails.  And my heart breaks and I go get him. 

I think the longest I've made it listening to him cry is 10 minutes.  I've tried the "go in after 5 minutes, soothe him, and then go back out."  He doesn't fall for it.  Leaving again after the first time I go in to soothe him, he just screams more loudly and sounds more frantic. 

Crying is how he expresses a need and if that need is as simple as wanting some soothing company, then at this point, I am still completely happy to oblige.  When he's old enough to understand more reason and to be told that it's nighttime and everyone has to go to bed, we'll do that.  But for now, I refuse to stress about this.  He's getting the sleep he needs and we're getting the sleep we need (he doesn't wake up during the night too often) and that's what counts.  Maybe I'd think differently if he woke up several times a night, every night, but he doesn't.

So that's it.  He's just not one of those "drowsy but awake" babies and I am not a cry-it-out mom.  I knew I never would be, but there are those times at 4am where it's really tempting.  We're spoiled by how well he's slept his whole life so on those nights where he is up at 3am and refusing to fall back asleep, it sounds heavenly to be able to put him down in the crib and walk away.  And, like I said, I've tried it in small batches.  I'm told it "would work" if I let him cry longer, but I can't bring myself to do it.  It feels completely unnatural to sit there and cry myself because it's so heartbreaking to hear him cry.  It goes against every grain of instinct I have in my body, and throughout this parenting adventure so far, I have often relied on and felt right about following my own instincts so that's what I'm going to continue to do (along with continually talking to the hubby about every decision we make about Nate).

He's a happy, delightful, personable, friendly, curious, expressive, adventurous little 8 1/2 month old, so I think we're doing all right.  So we're not doing one of the number one parenting rules.  So be it.

And I think of it this way: when he's 15 (or 12 or 9 or maybe even 7), he probably won't want to sit on my lap in a chair and talk and sing.  I'm chuckling to myself just thinking of suggesting that to the future probably-taller-than-me 15 year old Nathaniel.  "Here, come sit with Mommy and tell me what you want to dream about tonight."  Right.  So, you know what?  I will take those moments now and save them up in my mommy memory bucket so I can recall them at will when the best I can hope for is that he'll sit on the same sofa as me and tell me how his day was.