To My Dear Apartment

Dear Home,

I know it's been a rough transition for you now that I've gone back to work after 15 (not) luxurious weeks of maternity leave in your arms.  I know you feel neglected.  I know the hubby doesn't show you the love in the ways that I do, but that's just his special way of helping you to grow.

You see, home, it's your time to mature a bit and start taking care of a few things yourself.  After all, the hubby and I won't be around forever and you'll need to know how to take care of yourself.  So I've made a short list of things I believe you are big enough (aw, so big!) to handle on your own:

1. I know I don't get to caress you with the Lemon Fresh Clorox Wipes as often as you'd like, so you should take it upon yourself to just wipe down those counters, table surface, and cabinet doors whenever you see a bit of spill, splash, or crumb.  You'll feel and smell great!

2. The vacuum.  I know it's loud, but it doesn't mean to be scary.  It just really want to chomp on all that dirt and all those crumbs and dust bunnies that try and hide under the sofas and coffee table and along the bookshelves.  You and he will make a great team as you show that dirt who's boss.

3. The bathroom.  I know, it's a delicate area, but it must be discussed.  It doesn't clean itself, after all.  And unlike all of the other rooms, it's unique in the amount of scrubbing it requires, but I know you can do it.  You're strong!  Just let that cleaner soak in and then give those bathtub rings a bit of elbow grease.  They'll be running scared from you down the drain in no time.  The floor will acquiesce to just a few sweeps of the Swiffer and your good old friend the Clorox Wipes can help you with all those other surfaces.  Trust in your friends.  They're there to help you.  (The toilet brush is right next to the toilet.  Be his friend, too.)

4. I know it wasn't your decision to bring a baby into the mix, but you did provide us with two bedrooms so you had to know that eventually one would become a child's room.  And children come with special cleaning requirements which necessitate close attention.  The diaper pail, for instance - please empty it when full.  And the bottles, please wash them whenever you get a free minute otherwise they build up and become a time-consuming enterprise (and heaven forbid we run out and have to listen to a screaming baby while we first clean and then prep a fresh bottle).  And the baby's laundry, if you could.  I know the little onesies and socks and burp clothes and bibs take forever to spray with stain remover and then more time to fold when they're dry, but if you could just get to that, that'd be fantastic.

It's really not so much to ask.  I managed it all while also taking care of the baby.  You don't even need to take care of the baby; I'm simply asking you to watch over yourself in the manner to which we have both become accustomed.  You don't need to cook dinner (although some help with the dishes would be much appreciated) and you don't need to care for the lawn or anything else external.  You don't need to answer the door; in fact, don't answer the door.  I'd hate for you to become distracted. 

But if you could also just pass the Swiffer duster around once every two weeks or so, that would be wonderful.  If you can manage just these few simple chores, I'd be eternally grateful (and so will your future spouse).

Sincerely with much love and support,

Your favorite tenant

This post is an entry for the Living Out Loud project.  This month’s theme was “You won't read this anywhere”.  If you’d like to take part in future projects, click here!

Comments

[Megan]

Very creative approach to the prompt. And a self-cleaning house? OMG, it's like the Jetsons. I want one!

[Peg]

I'm behind Megan in line for that self cleaning house.

Wonderful post!

[Rachel]

Would love a self-cleaning house!! (No kids, but five cats...)