Things I Miss Friday: life before cell phones and laptops
Friday, April 2, 2010 at 7:30AM Naturally, as one is thinking about the impending birth of a child, a cell phone is a great thing to have. I can't imagine being at work and trying to reach the hubby to tell him my contractions have started without being able to call his cell. Sure, it would have been entirely manageable, but it makes life just that bit more convenient. And I'm sure once I am a mom, I'll be happy to have easy contact with my child care providers and, later, my child.
But beyond that? I wish all cell phones would jump into the ocean and never surface.
I'm taking a class called "Time and Learning" and this week we discussed how technology has changed the pace of life as well as general behavior. We also talked about information overload and how we feel when we're forced to disconnect (phone dies, we're in an area with no cell service or internet access, etc). Last week we talked about family time versus work time and male time versus female time, so this week we also tied that in. There probably haven't been two weeks in class yet that had me as fired up but ultimately depressed as these.
I strongly dislike talking on the phone. I get very antsy and just want to hang up, usually. This, I believe, stems from the fact that I spent several years working in a call center and had to answer phone calls for eight hours a day, five days a week. During that time period, I basically stopped answering my home phone and eventually also stopped returning calls. Eventually, people stopped calling me. Thank goodness for electronic communication otherwise I'd have no friends left at this point. (I do really have to be thankful for that.)
But now? Now I always answer my phone... because people know I hate idle chit-chat. When someone calls me, be it the hubby, my parents, friends, whoever, they only do so for specific reasons. If they're calling just to say hi, it's honestly because we haven't spoken in a long time. I'm fine with all of this.
What I'm not fine with is the way in which technology interrupts life. I will not put up with cell phones on the table during dinner (at home or out). I hate when people check their phones during dinner. I hate when I'm talking to someone and they're texting as I talk to them. And if your phone rings and you answer it? Ugh. It had better be something seriously important. SERIOUSLY important.
I had someone tell me once they'd prefer if I picked up and said, "I can't talk right now" rather than letting the call go to voicemail. Can't you assume if the call goes to voicemail it's because I can't talk right now???
I miss answering machines. If you missed a call because you weren't home, you could find out nine, ten hours later and call back the next day and no one got bent out of shape.
In class, someone made a comment about how "no one just stands in line anymore." Everyone is fiddling with their cell phone, trying to look occupied or is otherwise just incapable of standing around and not fiddling with some piece of technology. Me? I stand in line all the time and look around. Sure, sometimes I'll glance at my phone or I will answer a text. But if I'm in line at the post office, I'm probably just standing there, seeing who else is there, wondering what they're mailing, who are they mailing it to.
The other day I was at the post office and a man in a wheelchair was at one of the windows. He dropped some change from his wallet and was struggling to reach it. I was at the front of the line on the other side of the lobby and expected someone near the back of the line, near him, to help.
But no. No one helped him. There were probably five or six people in line and three or four were on their cell phones. The others were just looking around - or, worse, just watching him reach for the coins. After about five seconds, I left my place in the line and helped him out.
We're disconnected from our own humanity. Does family dinner even mean anything if people are twiddling with cell phones as they talk? What would they talk about if it didn't appear in their email?
I do enjoy the convenience of cell phones, but I absolutely hate how they're disconnecting us from each other.
I've read about couples/families that have a "no computers after Xpm" policy. After a certain time of the evening, they spend time together as couples or families with no electronic interruptions. I would LOVE to do this, but the hubby has no email access all day long; nighttime is the only time he gets to sit in front of his computer and check his email and various message boards. I hate it, but also feel like it's unreasonable for me to ask him not to do that. When is he supposed to do it, then? I don't know what will happen after our son is born. Our whole schedule and expectations are going to have to change.
I love email. I love blogs and blogging. I love reading the news online. I love the friendships I've made online. But I'm bitter about our electronic lives, too... and I can't reach a point of contented compromise in my mind. I'm not perfect about any of this. I've answered texts during dinner, checked my phone during conversations, and all the rest... but I twitch inside every time I do it. I don't feel good about the behavior.
I miss not feeling obligated to answer my phone or texts immediately, even though I love having instant access to friends and family. I miss writing letters. I miss going into a public bathroom and not hearing someone in the next stall chatting or texting. I miss seeing people read books or magazines at Motor Vehicles, instead of texting or playing videogames. I prefer board games to video games. I love my iPod but I miss mix tapes.
I'm feeling like a crotchety old person at 34. "You know, when I was your age, we wrote letters with pens. And had to buy stamps! And had to wait days or a week or more for a response! And if the phone rang, we ran to answer it... because there was only one or two... and it was across the house - chained to the wall! And you know how we 'downloaded' songs? We listened to the radio all day until our favorite song came on and then we recorded it, trying not to also record the DJs intro."
And get off my lawn.
We've definitely gained a lot through technology (I adore how many people I've been able to connect and re-connect with through Facebook, for example - childhood friends, etc), but I can't shake the feeling that we're losing big things and possibly not noticing.
Reader Comments (8)
LOL! I feel the same way! We had one phone, in the kitchen and it had a really long cord and you never had any privacy. And I can't tell you how many times I got part of the DJ on my mixed tapes! It was SO frusterating.
I think someone should write a cell phone ettiquette book because right now it just seems to be a free for all. I was precepting some respiratory students last spring and they were observing an angiogram and the entire time they were texting....I mean COME ON! This dude is getting a major procedure done and you're TEXTING?!?!
Just other day I flipped on a student about this. He asked me a question and while I was answering his question, he started to text! So so so annoying and frustrating.
I know even kindergarten is "skill and drill" stuff now, but you know how we learned manners and things in kindergarten and grade school? Maybe social etiquette lessons need to make a big comeback. The problem is kids learn it from parents who have no better manners. Where I work, we do actually do workshops about email etiquette for college students because too many of them send the "Yo teach, were r da papers?" type emails.
I agree with a lot of what you said. (Especially, "Get off my lawn." ha!) I read somewhere recently that in the not-too-distant future, standardized tests will have a technology section. So, parents who don't want to give their kids computers? Good luck getting them into a good college.
We've just run rampant with all our gadgets. My husband and I plan on having a time each day where the phones and computers go off when we have our kids. Some of it, like you pointed out, is pretty wild. We just need to get some bearing on how to be grounded and avoid rude behaviro through it all.
Behavior. I can spell.
Mixed tapes! I miss those! CD mixes just aren't the same. I wish I still had a radio and tape player... I'd totally make myself a new mixed tape right now. Sigh... those were the days...
I was reading this thing in the paper the other day about how a Jewish group is starting a movement to use no technology on the Sabbath. Fascinating idea and I wish I could commit whole-heartedly to something like that. But like w/ your husband, I don't have internet at work and the evenings/weekends are the only time I have to catch up on blogs, Twitter, etc. I'll have to find my own off-limits time, I think. I'm started to feel a little frazzled by this constant stream of information and connectedness!
I saw that article and also loved the idea... I could do it, easily... but I don't think most people around me could, so it'd almost be moot anyway. :-/
Ugh - I so completely HATE talking on the phone these days. I used to love it, but now, I'd rather people send me a quick email because I can check that on my phone, decide whether I have anything to say in response, and shoot it back over to them. I dislike the phone so much that I make my husband call and schedule all the appointments for doctors visits and dental cleanings. Dude, if they'd schedule that stuff through the internetz, I'd do it. But I HATE talking on my phone (which is ironic considering I have a $400 phone that I ONLY use for email, calendar, twitter, and map/GPSing and web surfing.
I know exactly when I stopped liking the phone, though, and it was when I had a baby. Talking on the phone is the one thing that will either wake the baby up, or allow the preschooler just enough time to get into the knife drawer in the kitchen. Nothing tempts a child into dangerous behavior more than them seeing you tied up on the phone. As far as the email/twitter/web goes though, I am thoroughly addicted - which is why I'm commenting on your blog at midnight! :)