Feeling Lucky, Which Makes Me Cry
Friday, March 26, 2010 at 9:35AM I always feel like Friday posts should be upbeat. So while I have 3/4 of a finished post in the can about my current political concerns, I think I'll save that for the weekend (when no one reads anyway, ha).
But my upbeat-ness today isn't forced; it's amazingly true.
Last night was my 32 week (!!) OB appointment. Since we're at the point where it's not impossible for something to happen (ex. early labor), I wanted to ask a few questions: If something were to happen (like labor starting), what do I do? Where do I go? Who do I call first?
You'd think that's easy - you go to the hospital... ah, yes, but which one? My natural instinct would be to go to the one we plan to birth at - except it doesn't have a NICU, so if I go into labor before 35 weeks, I should head to a different hospital. Good to know, right?
This lead to a discussion of how I hope for the birth to go and how my OB generally runs these things. If you follow women's health news, you know that C-sections are on the rise but ongoing research shows many of them are unnecessary and, in fact, potentially more harmful than vaginal birth (if there were no baby-endangering complications).
I don't want a c-section. At all. Thankfully, my doctor is 100% on board with that. He said they're overdone, often unnecessary, and cause a more difficult recovery for the mother. He also talked about ongoing research about believed possible benefits to the baby due to a vaginal birth - something about the bodily chemicals they pick up or create during the process. In addition, because I've had abdominal surgery previously, that adds an additional - and significant - potential complication.
So basically, unless it's a dire emergency, no c-section.
I next asked when I should go to the hospital. He said, "Well, basically, you don't want to rush it." I told him I wanted to labor at home for as long as possible (as long as is healthy) and he supported that. Hurrah! I explained that I also didn't want to be induced and he nodded and again stated information about the complications that follow induction, which is yet another reason not to go to the hospital early (the earlier you get there, the antsier people get, the more likely you are to be induced). Hurrah again!
I left his office feeling like I was walking on a cloud. The only two things we haven't discussed yet are pain management and episiotomies. I do NOT (NOT!) want an episiotomy. Period. I didn't feel like bringing that up just yet, though.
As for pain management... I think about it a lot. Here's my dilemma: the use of an epidural increases ALL of the things I don't want: use of Pitocin, strained pushing which "necessitates" an episiotomy, and possible c-section.
But here's what else I don't want: massive, unbearable, omg-I'm-not-going-to-make-it pain. I'm not good with pain. I become unbearable to be near if I have a headache. A *headache*. As much as I would honestly love to try to have a fully natural birth, I really do not believe that I could - and a huge part of it is being able to believe that you can do it.
I have friends who had an epidural and then needed a small amount of Pitocin to get things moving along and then had very positive delivery experiences and their babies are fine. It is possible . . . but so are a lot of other outcomes.
But yesterday's conversation with my OB makes me believe that whenever I do discuss this with him, I will be happy about the outcome.
I read a lot about women struggling, fighting for the birth experience they want. I feel so, so, so very lucky that my doctor is on the same page as me. There are so many things I'm thinking about and worrying about now that it's nice to know I don't have to worry that I'll have to fight for what I want once labor starts.
It's a dreary, rainy day here in northeastern NJ, which always brings to mind a specific Simon & Garfunkel lyric from Kathy's Song. I love this lyric and have often thought of it in terms of a romantic relationship, but today it struck me differently and as I listened to it in the car on my way to work (twice), I found myself crying and thinking about this new relationship I'm kind of already in with the baby and just how lucky I am to have had this wonderful journey so far and how, despite my fears and worries, I am really looking forward to meeting him and being his mom.
And so you see I have come to doubt
All that I once held as true.
I stand alone without beliefs;
The only truth I know is you.
And as I watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die,
I know that I am like the rain;
There but for the grace of you go I.
Reader Comments (6)
I feel really lucky that I had such great support from the doctors and nurses at our hospital. It makes me sad to hear stories about women being pressured into Pitocin or c-sections.
I'm totally the same way: But here's what else I don't want: massive, unbearable, omg-I'm-not-going-to-make-it pain. I'm not good with pain. I become unbearable to be near if I have a headache. A *headache*. As much as I would honestly love to try to have a fully natural birth, I really do not believe that I could - and a huge part of it is being able to believe that you can do it.
I really like the idea of a natural birth, but I don't think I can do it. My goal is to try to get to 7cm before the epidural. Have you thought of putting together a birth plan? I have a sample one from my doula, and I'll email it to you if you want. I'm sure you can also find them online. And, in the next few weeks, I'm sure I'll be posting mine.
You may want to check out the book "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." The author clearly has an a preference for natural, but it's got a lot of good info on epistiomities and epidurals and such.
oh boy, i remember with my first child saying that i wanted to go natural. i'd ran a marathon the year prior, surely i could endure some measly labor, right? NOT!! my contractions didn't start 10-15 minutes apart, they started 3 minutes apart. theydon't call it labor for nothing. after enduring this for hours, i finally relented my silly pride and asked for the epidural. let me tell you, i wanted to name the baby after the wonderful man who gave me the epidural.
everyone's labor story is different. it's excellent that you are SO on the same page with your dr.
@Liza - my friend was told she HAD to have her epidural between 4-5cm otherwise it was "too late"... I don't know how that works. I haven't really thought about how long I want to go. I do plan to write up a birth plan, just so my preferences are in writing if, for some reason, I'm not able to communicate them myself. I wouldn't mind seeing yours. :) You can send it to bookishpenguin at gmail dot com.
@love2 - ROFL @ "I wanted to name the baby" after the guy who gave you the epidural. I believe that is exactly how I will feel.
Sounds like your doctor is on board! I am so glad I didn't get an episiotomy. My delivery doc said that if I'd had one I would have torn really badly when the baby's head came out. As it is I didn't tear hardly at all when Ian was born and I feel good as new 5 months later.
And I also think staying at home as long as possible is best (or was for me). You're going to do a great job and I can't wait to see pictures of the little butter bean!
@Genie - That's really interesting that the episiotomy would have made you tear. That really gets to the heart of the problem - "preventative" measures that then cause issues. I'm glad to hear you feel so great! I remember that it wasn't so easy in the beginning (recovering during the blackout, right?).
I'm excited about the idea of staying at home as long as possible. I feel like that'll help me relax and do what I need to without feeling self-conscious or like people are waiting for things to progress.