Leaving Negativity Behind
Friday, February 12, 2010 at 11:39AM I'm not what anyone would call a Susie Sunshine. That's my sister; the nurses' nickname for her at the maternity department at the hospital is "The Cheerleader." (And, yes, she was one - and she coaches peewee cheerleading sometimes, so it's completely appropriate.) Me? I was the one in the bleachers listening to Morrissey on my Walkman during the pep rally.
Even here, my sister (on the right) clearly has spirit fingers going on and I seem to be more like, "Yay, something!" (And yeah, I know, I know - the bowl cut. But my mom kept my hair short because I hated brushing it.)
It's not that I'm a "glass half empty" type. I'm certainly not a "glass half full" type either, though. I'd be more likely to be like, "There's a glass and it has water in it. Why do you even care how much?" I don't see the point in swaying too far into the positive or the negative. I like to keep it real, yo - you know? (Okay, yeah, not really, but hopefully you get what I mean.)
This week has been full of little moments where I've had to swallow my initial snarky response to something and give a pointedly sweeter answer. I had to rewrite an email to an HR person five times to stop myself from being snarky and sarcastic. I had to edit a reply to a blogger's post that I found a bit ridiculous to make it seem as if my response was more helpful than annoyed. I had to explain to a student - with a straight face - that, no, sanctions against Iran and climate change are not the same thing. (No, seriously. She had no idea what either was until I said climate change "is like global warming, but climate change is a better term for it." Then I could see the light bulb go off - but sanctions against Iran meant nothing to her.) And I had to kindly word an email to a coworker who had no idea that something was her responsibility even though this wasn't the first time it's come up and her email was a rather snippy kind of, "Well, what would you like me to do about it?"
I'm much better at "biting my tongue" through my fingers, meaning I fair better when I don't have to deal with these things face-to-face. The problem happens when swarms of negativity are coming at me from various directions: people I know in real life, people in the media, and commentors on blogs. Long ago I gave up reading the comments on most blogs and news posts because they make me lose my faith in humanity all too often.
So I'm beyond happy to escape to Baltimore this weekend. Back pre-marriage, when Mike was single, too, he was always my refuge. I used to visit him every four-to-six weeks for years in my early-to-late twenties and as I entered his apartment, I would always feel like I truly exhaled for the first time since my last visit. I didn't check my email while I was there and, post cell phone, no one would call me. I was free to sleep in, eat good food, and spend all day at the pub if that's what we felt like doing.
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Those days are gone. We both have spouses who either don't drink much or at all, Mike has a seven month old daughter, and we're due to have The Force in May. Life has clearly changed and, in those old days of regular trips, I would always wonder about this time - if it would come, when it would come, how it would be when it did . . .
And what it is... is hard. It's hard to make time to go out of town for the weekend when you have two jobs and grad school plus two dogs who need minding while you're gone. It'll be harder yet when we have all that plus we want to travel down there with a child, who will need all the gear you have to bring for two days away with a baby. There was a time when I had a weekend bag half-packed at all times, forever ready to hop in the car and head to Maryland.
There are few times one can look around and say, "I truly have a very different life now than I did not that long ago." Sure, life is always changing, but some of those changes are more monumental than others - they take up more space. Having your friends get married and start families is probably the biggest one I can think of; it forever changes the dynamic of your friendship and what you do together and even what you talk about.
But what hasn't changed is that those friendships are still a place of refuge. Naturally, when difficult times happen, the hubby is my first go-to - or even, more likely, he comes to me before I'm even ready to admit something is wrong. But it's still great to have those friends that have known you for a long time (I can't believe Mike and I have been friends for fifteen years now - it completely blows my mind). The ones that sit with you in a bar from the time it opens to the time it closes. The ones that listen to you talk about the same problem for the tenth time and aren't exasperated. The ones who throw you birthday parties so awesome that the police show up and your friends have to keep you out on the patio because you keep trying to tell the police that there aren't any doughnuts in the house.
Nevermind. You had to be there.
And this weekend, I will be there. But I promise to keep The Force out of trouble.
Reader Comments (7)
I had a bowl cut too. It was the 80s--didn't everyone?
LOL - yes, it was the post Dorothy Hamill-hair.
hey, the bowl cut was far better than the pixie cut imo...so it's all good..
oh and four words -
i
smell
krispie
kremes
!
Oh it was one of those days, I hate rude comments and emails also. I also had a coworker how would constantly say about her own responsibilities Well, what would you like me to do about it?" UGH!
Just so you know... when "the force" is born, I hope you will still consider visiting and bringing him with you! I would love to be a place where you can get away, with your little boy, and have a second set of arms to help for a day or so! Babies/children will ALWAYS be welcome in my home.
*hugs*
I had that same exact haircut for the same reasons!
sounds like a wonderful and much needed weekend! enjoy!! you deserve it!