Me, myself, and I... oh, um, and that fourth one: my four names.
Friday, July 31, 2009 at 9:11PM I love my first name: Candice; it's not terribly unusual, but it's also not common. Candice hasn't been in the Social Security Top 1000 List of popular baby names since 2003 - and that is fine by me. No, it's GREAT by me. I think this has really defined what names are for me.
My middle name is even more unique: Miinna (it's Estonian). My parents decided to give my sister and I our grandmother's first names as middle names (an idea I absolutely adore - my sister maybe less so since her middle name is Olga). I have my paternal grandmother's name... well, almost. Her name was actually Miina (two i's, one n) but my mother couldn't remember if it was two i's or two n's so she gave me two of each. Why she didn't just ask my dad how his mother's name was spelled, I have never asked. All I know is that I love my middle name very, very much.
This is why I tended to react poorly when I was having issues considering changing my name when I got married and people said I could "just drop the middle name" and make my maiden name my middle name. Um, how about hell to the no? Just drop my middle name? Maybe YOUR middle name doesn't mean anything to you, but my middle name is important to me - as is my last name.
I've been married for eight and a half months now and there's still rarely a day that goes by when I don't frown over my last name. I faced a lot of pressure to change my last name (though not particularly from the hubby), and had a hard time explaining why I didn't want to - and understanding why the decision requires an explanation. In the end (to cut out a LOT of mental back-and-forth on my part), I decided to add my husband's last name after my last name, so I have two last names with a space (not a hyphen):
Candice Miinna MyLast HisLast
It was the best idea I could come up with in the hazy cloud of romantic-happy feelings after the wedding, when I unexpectedly had this urge to share his name. I thought about how our kids would have his last name, how we'd be the "HisLast" family - everything that now carries no weight with me. I think of us as the MyLast/HisLast family and I wish I could insist other people refer to us that way. I wish I could be a strong, brave example for any future children we have and show that you can keep your name if it means so much to you - that our girls should feel so empowered and our boys should not take it personally if their wives don't take their name.
The truth? If it wouldn't cause a brouhaha, I would probably go change back to just MyLast. But again, my reluctance is based on the responses of others. If my name means everything to me, why am I continually letting others decide for me what I do with it?
The only time in this whole name process that I felt passionate was in the dizzying days after the wedding, when - so happy and relaxed following the honeymoon - I went to Social Security and added my husband's last name to mine. So maybe that's what's in my heart, even if it doesn't match what's in my head.
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Do you have thoughts on your name? Check out In A Bottle's Living Out Loud project and submit your own "By Any Other Name" post.
life, love, marriage, women's issues in life 
Reader Comments (9)
I kept all my names with my second marriage and love having them all. I told the guy at the Social Security office that I'm a pack rat, even when it comes to names. But it kinda weirds people out to have all these names floating around and they want to just pick two or three of them (and no one picks the same 2 or 3). So it's like I've got a sampler platter of names and people just build something they like out of them. But I am still happy to have them all. :)
When you said that you think of yourselves being MyLastHisLast it made me laugh because all my friends call us MyLastHisLast (my name minus the space). It used to bug my husband but now he just ignores it. I really wish I could have talked him into taking my name :)
I love your middle name!
I kept my middle name and took my husband's last name, but it was a hard choice to make. My maiden name is Polish and complicated--a little too complicated to use as a middle name or to hyphenate with the Hubs' name. Some names are great together--hyphenated or not. My last name with his just didn't work for me. But I do miss my maiden name. It is unusual and unpronouncable at first glance by most, but it is a part of who I am.
I say who cares what everyone else thinks. You need to be comfortable and happy with the name that you have. It is yours for the rest of your life.
We are behind you 100% in whatever you choose. We love you for who you are...not because of your name.
<3
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Hey there. When I get married (or if) I am keeping my last name unless the new name sounds just as good. My mother never got rid of my fathers last name for my sake. But mine would be realllly long. Priscilla Antoinette as I am named after my great grandmother via middle name too. But my last name is just as many syllables so that is the only reason I might consider changing it.
But honestly now a days I think marriages should include both names as a parternership. As in he should add your last name as well.
I wish I could go back and keep my last name, which is funny because I hated it growing up, it's "different".. But I couldn't bring myself to do a mylast/hislast.. and I wanted to make sure I'd have the same last name as our kids, too. Like you said, if it wasn't for the brouhaha that would ensue, I might have done things differently, but I went with the staus quo and just took his name. Boo. And I'll never change it now because there is now way I'm going back to the social security office and waiting in that line:)
I can totally relate to this. My name is Megan (common, don't love it) and my middle is Brenna (unique, love it completely). I was supposed to be Brenna until a last minute call by my dad in the hospital to call me Megan. My mom swears she was too tired to argue so she said okay. Fast forward 18 years and they both suggest I change it to Brenna. Are you kidding me was my response. I told them they were 18 yrs late for that boat!
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I didn't change my name when I first got married. I didn't change it until 5 years in when we had kids. In that first 5, whenever a guy would question me (not my guy) with "what's the big deal? why don't you change your name?", I would ask, "If it's not big deal, why don't you change your name when you get married?" They would always just sit there, thinking really hard because they'd never ever considered it. Then usually the guy would laugh, "No way. It's my name. I'm not changing it." To which I would say, "Yes. Exactly."
Megan - that's the exact convo I had with my husband. "Well, why don't YOU change YOUR name?" and, without taking a pause, he said, "No, it's my name, I've had it my whole li... Oh." LOL That was the moment when he finally understood.